She stood up, rage coming over her again. “You asshole,” she said, grabbing a dress at random and throwing it at me. I batted it down to the ground.
‘Stop,” I said.
She threw more clothes. Jeans, skirts, button down shirts, zip up hoodies, bra and panties. She threw it at me and screamed until I slapped aside a pair of panties aimed at my face and grabbed her wrists.
“Let me go,” she said.
I wrestled her down to the couch. She struggled against me, eyes hard and angry, but I pinned her down, wrists above her head, her supple body under mine.
“Stop,” I said. “You have to calm down. We can’t do shit if you’re going to lose it like this.”
“They have my dad,” she said. “Don’t you get it? He’s all I have left.”
I stared at her for a long moment and let out a breath. I released her wrists and stood. She stayed on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
“I get it,” I said. “And I swear we’ll help him. But right now, you can’t freak out, okay? I can’t worry about you and help your dad at the same time.”
“I’m so fucked,” she whispered.
“You’re not,” I said.
“I’m fucked.” She stood up. “And my dad’s fucked. The Club took my mother away, and now they’re going to take him, too.” She stormed past me, up the steps, and disappeared into her room. I heard the door slam behind her.
I stood there for a second and let out a sigh.
“Fuck,” I said, and stared up at the ceiling.
8
Colleen
I curled up into a tight ball and stared at the ground while thoughts of my father getting murdered by my uncle swirled through my mind.
I couldn’t understand how this was happening. Uncle Mathis let Dad leave the Club when I was just a kid, back when my mother died. I was ten years old, and I could still remember it over a decade later. I could see my father, angry and red-faced, his eyes puffy from crying, drunk as hell and leaning on the bannister as he shouted at my uncle, as he blamed my uncle for her death. I’d never forget how my uncle got down on his knees, took my father’s hand, and begged forgiveness.
I didn’t understand what it all meant back then, and I still barely understood it. But it made no sense that my uncle would take my father and threaten to hurt him.
My uncle begged for my father’s forgiveness. He allowed my father to leave the Club, allowed us to stay in the neighborhood. Though my father never forgave Uncle Mathis and we haven’t had anything to do with them in a long time, things were still quiet. There was no reason for Uncle Mathis to hate my dad or want to hurt him.
I don’t know how long I stayed in bed in that oversized sweatshirt and the silly lingerie. I felt like an idiot, like I’d lost my mind. I don’t know what came over me, but I was having so much fun trying on clothes, and when he asked me to put on the lingerie, I thought it might… I thought it might be fun.
I wanted him to look at my body. He’d looked at me already, and I knew he liked what he saw. I knew he wanted me.
And god, it’s insane, it’s sick, but I wanted him, too.
So I put on the lingerie. And of course now he’s bringing even more darkness into my life.
Eventually I stirred and got in the shower. I left the sweatshirt and the lingerie on the tile floor as I stood under the water and let it roll down my skin. I refused to let myself cry, wouldn’t give Steven the satisfaction. When I got out, I found the door was open a crack and there were clothes piled on the bed, everything I’d chosen downstairs.
I stared at it all and for a brief moment, I wanted to light it all on fire.
But instead, I put on a sports bra, a pair of panties, a gray tank top, and a pair of yoga pants. I took a deep breath and stepped out into the hall.
I checked downstairs first, but he wasn’t there. I looked in the kitchen, yelled into the basement, and even looked in the extra rooms upstairs. Finally, I climbed the steps up to the roof deck, and found him leaning forward on the railing, looking out at the city. There was a large tree to our right that cast a long shadow over the deck, and it felt like we were all alone up there above all the other houses.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked back at me. “You okay?”
I shrugged. “Not really.”
He gestured for me to join him. I hesitated, then walked over and leaned against the metal railing. It was cool against my skin and a nice, light breeze blew back my hair, still wet from the shower.
We were quiet for a while. I didn’t speak and he just glanced at me, but didn’t push anything.
Finally though, he broke the silence.
“What happened to your mom?” he asked.
I stared down at the street below. Cars were parked in even lines, and a dad with his little girl walked down the shady street, crossing to the opposite sidewalk.
“She got hit by a stray bullet when I was ten,” I said. “Drive by shooting. They were aiming for my dad. They were out sitting on their front porch and I guess they didn’t care if mom died in the gunfire too.”
“Shit,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah,” I said. “That’s why he left the Club. He hated himself for it and hated Uncle Mathis. We were alone after that and things got bad for a while.”
“I know what you mean,” he said.
I snorted. “I doubt it.”
“My mom died when I was eight. My dad died of an overdose two years later.”
I sucked in a deep breath and frowned at him. “Is that true?”
He nodded. “My dad was always an
