The tiniest grin tilted Ribbons’ lips, but I couldn’t decipher what it meant. Not willing to think about it, I tipped my head and walked out before she could say anything else. When the breeze hit my face as I walked outside, I replayed the odd conversation that just occurred and shook my head.
I didn’t like Professor Ribbons, but I was starting to think maybe she didn’t hate me as much as I thought. She’d once seen potential in me, and I wondered if she still did and masked it under tough love. Then again, I wasn’t foreign to that concept and what she offered went beyond that. Her reputation didn’t help me think that I had an ally in her either, so, as always, I drew back into myself and tried brushing off the conversation completely, shooting Theo a text.
A text that was left unanswered.
My finger lingered over the dial button after a day of staring at my phone waiting for him to make the first move. I was officially that girl. I’d told myself I’d wait instead of making a big deal out of it, but I couldn’t focus, got snapped at by more than Professor Ribbons, and nearly took out a student in the hall because I wasn’t paying enough attention.
“God,” I groaned, setting the phone down before I could hit the button that tempted me. Walking into my apartment, I’d hoped I’d find him and Ramsay again like the night before. No such luck. I wasn’t sure if it was disappointment that I felt weighing on my chest or something else. Expectation?
Swallowing, I set my things down and walked into the spare room to assess the damage. It was no longer messy, something I hadn’t noticed this morning in my rush out the door. Theo was the only one who could have cleaned it considering we were the only two who’d known about the mess.
Clicking my tongue when I saw some paint missed in the corner, I couldn’t help but reach for my hair. The ghost of his touch lingered everywhere, but the dyed strands of my blonde locks made the replay that much more intense in my head. It helped ease the doubt over why he hadn’t reached out once all day. He’d known I was busy, logically he was too. I couldn’t overthink the reasoning, which was my body’s first response no matter how hard I tried rewiring myself.
Closing the door behind me, I quickly changed into pajamas, let down my hair, and forced myself to stare at my reflection. Ribbons got into my head and she knew it. What I admitted to her wasn’t something I said to many people, but maybe it was time to change that. Ripley told me at the beginning of our sessions that admitting the problem aloud was the first step in changing it.
In my reflection, I noticed some pieces of my blonde locks had faded green, others black in them. I fingered them and frowned, wondering how many washes it’d take before it was back to normal.
Gripping the edge of the counter, I bit into my bottom lip and remembered what’d happened in this very spot. Theo was proving a point, trying to get me to admit what I knew deep, deep down.
I was worthy.
I was beautiful.
I was not deserving of my own criticism.
But I knew that wasn’t going to be enough, and that familiar feeling wiggled its way under my skin until I couldn’t bare anymore face time with myself in the glass.
Eying the tips of my hair as they bounced with my steps, I grabbed my phone from the counter and hit a button with an idea that I might regret but didn’t want to walk away from if I was going to try, really try, like Theo wanted. Hell, like the world wanted according to Ribbons.
“To possible regrets,” I whispered, listening to it ring as I bit my thumbnail.
“Hello?”
I wet my bottom lip, hesitating only for a microsecond but refusing to chicken out. “Can you help me with something?”
There was no hesitation, which I found comforting. “When and where?” Blowing out a sigh of relief, I said my address and a time and hung up, smiling to myself with a new fluttery feeling in my stomach.
The knock at the door had me running my palms down my thighs as I peeked through the little hole in the door. Silver blonde was on full display, making me unlatch and unlock the door before pulling it open.
“Swanky place,” was the first thing out of Tiffany’s mouth as she walked in. Looking around, she assessed the art-filled walls, colorful furniture, and finally me. “I didn’t think you’d ever reach out.”
“Neither did I,” I admitted, closing the door and crossing my arms over my chest. Pausing for a minute, I decided to rip off the Band-Aid. “I’m trying to get past a lot of things, but I need to do that one step at a time.”
She just nodded slowly, waiting for me to get to my point. It wasn’t a rude gesture, just who she was. We’d seen each other a few times at yoga when I went, but I didn’t frequent the classes as much I usually did. Part of that had to do with avoiding her so I didn’t feel bad about not using her number.
“Can you do something with my hair?”
She blinked. “What?” Her eyes went to what I held up, squinting at the odd color. “What did you
