Then there was the other old version of me that did it because I couldn’t stop myself. She won the battles more than I liked admitting, succumbing to hunger cramps that doubled her over in pain while her reflection smiled manically.
“If you’d let me, I’d like to explain,” he said after silence engulfed us in an uncomfortable blanket. “It isn’t going to be easy to hear, but you need to hear it from me before someone else leaks the information.”
The frown was instant, but the concern weighed in my chest like an anvil was dropped dead center on my ribcage. Wasn’t that what I was waiting for? Why I’d needed to escape into a world of overworked muscle and choppy breath? I thought it’d been because of the reporter who’d harassed Lydia, even though she never reached out saying he had brought it up again. It was like the story vanished into thin air, which I knew wasn’t the case. It was just easier to pretend it was for a while.
“The list of names that was given to The Times is tied to a very powerful man, Della. He’s looking to tarnish any reputation the Saint James family has left so people won’t consider the possibility that there’s truth in what could be spoken.”
All I could do was stare at him. I’d figured Lydia had told him about the list since she was keen on getting him to talk to me, but I’d never let him in until today.
“This man…” His sigh was burdened. “I know you understand the world we live in is a shitty, dark place. But what I’m about to tell you goes beyond that.”
“Theo.” My heart pounded so hard it hurt.
“I told you not too long ago that I’d tell you what’s been going on when the time came. I was just hoping I wouldn’t have to. I’ve had people investigate it, and it looks like your father might have had information that could have gotten his sentence reduced. Maybe even lowered to parole. He could have gotten out.”
A piece of me splintered off. “He…what? They said—”
“The system was set against him, Della. It was from the beginning because there were people who chose to save themselves before him. They made him take the fall for it all. There were phone records that indicated he’d been talking with his attorney about the case, giving names of the other people involved. With that kind of information, it would have changed things for him. For all of you. Anthony…he always wanted what was best for his family. He and Elizabeth had strong values when it came to that. If he was making a deal, it was for you.”
My throat tightened. Swallowing was impossible, the food in front of me no longer looked appetizing at all. Everything was crashing around me as I stared at Theo with unblinking eyes. “It doesn’t matter now though. So why are you telling me this? It only hurts more.” The crack in my tone had him closing his eyes for a split second and that’s when I knew.
I knew what he was going to say would change everything.
And it did.
“Your father was killed to make sure the people involved wouldn’t be dragged down with him. And at least one of the people is trying to hurt you and your family by ensuring that information doesn’t see the light of day. If I didn’t think there was a strong case against him or the others, I wouldn’t have brought it up. But the chance of the case being reopened—”
I needed to get out of here. That was all I could think when I stood and moved so quickly that dizziness hit me. Stumbling, I caught myself on the chair before Theo was by my side, holding my arm to steady me.
But I didn’t want him to.
“Don’t,” I pleaded, moving away.
“Della, I know this is hard—”
The cold, confused laugh couldn’t be stopped. “Hard? You think hearing that my father was murdered because he was trying to get out of prison to be with me was hard? That word doesn’t come close to what this situation is. It’s fucked up, Theo. And what’s worse is you thinking I needed to hear it over goddamn pancakes like it should make it all better!”
I was on a roll and couldn’t be stopped. Turning to him, I tightened my hands into fists and glared past the tears that welled in my eyes. It made it difficult to see but didn’t stop me from making sure he knew how I felt. “Whoever this guy is, or these people, they can’t possibly taint my family any more than what’s already been done. If they want to ruin me, destroy me, they can save their energy. Because this—you—did it for them.”
The pain that sliced open his features should have made me feel guilty, but the rage, the sadness, the mixture of every feeling I never wanted to feel again was consuming me as each second passed until I was shaking. Shaking and clawing my way out of my own skin because I didn’t want to be stuck in it right now. Not ever.
As I turned to the door, I grabbed ahold of the handle only for a hand to come down on the wood to prevent me from exiting. “Della, please sit down. You’re not in the mindset to go anywhere right now. You look sick.”
I did what I’d never done before. I shoved him. I put all my strength into the push and sent him stumbling backward because he was unprepared for it, leaving me able to throw the door open and storm out into the rain. Fitting. Clouds grayed the sky, thunder rumbled in the distance, and I thought about all those stories my mother used to tell me about Greek Gods.
“Do you really think they exist?” I’d asked her after she’d told me the story about Zeus. He’d sounded so powerful, so
