I left Justin’s hotel with barely a peck on the cheek. I didn’t want him to see me cry. It was going to be hard enough seeing him back in Seattle, I didn’t want him knowing that I had started to develop feelings for him.
Not that I think they were not returned. I think he did start feeling something for me. But it’s easy to get caught up with your emotions when you’re away from reality. And while this has been my reality for a while. Vegas, bright lights, performing, was part of who I am every day. It wasn’t his reality. Something he would see as soon as he landed and realized that his life did not include an unemployed former cheerleader. Even if she was now his wife.
Wife. I was married, I have a husband. It was probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done and yet I cannot bring myself to regret it. Of course, I would get a divorce. I will not tie Justin down just because we got a little reckless one night. But I do agree with him. I don’t want to pretend as if it never happened.
“Here, try this.” Lilly hands me a glass of sangria.
I take a sip, the sweet liquid was doing nothing to improve my mood. “Needs more wine,” I say as I take another bigger sip.
“Too bad. You don’t look like you should be drinking too much, anyway.” She settles herself on the couch alongside me. “So, are we going to get all the hot-sex details of your last night with Justin, or not?”
“She owes us a whole week’s worth of hot-sex details.” Cassie chimes in, taking a seat on the armchair opposite us. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed how we’ve hardly seen you this week.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “The sex was hot. In fact, I can say without a doubt it’s the best sex that I’ve ever had, but that’s all you’re getting from me.”
“How rude.” Lilly pouts and slinks back in her chair. “I never hesitate to give you all the details when I have sex with a new guy.”
This is true. “And we have told you, numerous times, that you don’t need to do that.”
“In fact, we’ve mentioned how much we would appreciate it if you didn’t,” Cassie adds then turns to me. “This was more than a fling, wasn’t it?”
I consider telling them how it ended and then decide against it. “I expected him to signal the end of this part of my life. You know, screwing the guy I had a high school crush on.”
Lilly rolls her hand, gesturing for me to continue. “But….?
“Well, I didn’t get what I expected.” I’m not sure what I expected, but I really like what I got. “He’s smart, wicked smart. And funny, but not in a corny way. He’s kind and thoughtful. No one should be all of that, and good looking, and awesome in bed. I never stood a chance.”
“So, what you’re saying is that he’s perfect.” Cassie lifts a perfect eyebrow. “Honey, you’ve been duped. No man is perfect.”
I shake my head. “That’s the thing. He’s not.” I think about the time I’d spent with Justin. “He’s very guarded when he thinks someone will judge him. He overthinks everything. Not to mention that he’s very accommodating.”
“That’s not a bad thing.” Lilly’s face scrunched and she’s looking at me like I’m crazy. “Wanting to do things you enjoy is normal when you’re with someone.”
“Yeah, but we did everything I wanted to do.” I sigh trying not to sound like a spoiled child. “I still don’t know what he enjoys doing but he knows everything about me.”
“Okay.” Cassie takes another sip from her drink and pulls out a slice of pepperoni pizza. “But maybe that was part of the Vegas fantasy for him. Living it through your perspective. You might find that once he’s back in Seattle, he does more of what he enjoys doing.”
“I won’t be seeing him that way in Seattle.” I swallow back the tears that are threatening. “We agreed that it would only be for the week he’s here. Once we’re back home, we have family to contend with. Our lives are entangled enough as it is.”
“It’s not like I’m a relationship expert.” Lilly adopts her very serious face. “But don’t you think you should at least tell him how you feel instead of assuming it won’t work?”
“No.” That’s a terrible idea. “If he doesn’t feel the same way it will make things awkward whenever he’s around. And he will be around. My two oldest brothers are his best friends.”
Though, I’m not so sure after this morning’s conversation. From what I could hear and understand Michael was pretty pissed. Neither Denver nor Andi are returning my calls. I’ve not heard a peep from my younger siblings either. I think it’s safe to say that everyone is mad at us. At least I’m confident none of them will rat us out to my parents. God alone knows how I’m going to explain this to them.
I lean back into my couch and tuck my feet under me. I press play on the remote. “I think we should watch the movie instead of discussing my non-existent love life.”
Lilly mumbles something that sounds a lot like hardly call it non-existent, but I choose to ignore her. We’ll just end up talking in circles.
Curling even further onto the couch, I watch as the hero and heroine embark on their epic love story. By the end we’re all clutching tissues, drying our eyes and sniffling as the hero died in his lover’s arms.
“Right, I think we need something a little more upbeat next.” Lilly’s already scrolling through our Netflix favorites.
I head to the
