Instead of changing into pajamas I stay fully clothed just in case I need to make a quick escape. Mentally I try to weigh the distance between the door and my car. Wondering if I had to run would I be able to get there and inside before it all backfired. My heart continues to beat so rapidly I feel dizzy.
I crawl into bed, sliding under the covers and settling in, or at least trying to. Every noise I hear has me jerking in bed. I swear at one point there’s a scratching outside of my bedroom window, I presume each noise is only enhanced by the fear I feel. Was that a wolf that just howled?
I grab the knife and stare up at the ceiling, listening for any signs of an intruder. When the sky starts to turn an inky blue, I know the sun is about to rise. I sit up and set the knife down on the nightstand. A numb, tingling feeling runs through my palms and fingers from holding it so tightly for too long.
I am exhausted, but there is absolutely no way I could fall asleep.
After I use the bathroom, I creep out into the living room and move along the wall toward the bay window. I look out and see if I can see Merick or my wolf and I see nothing. Every move I make feels like I’m in a dream. I am still reeling from his words. Mixing that with the knowledge that I hadn’t imagined years ago that I met a wolf in the forest only complicates things more. An outsider looking in would think I belong in a mental ward. Hell, I am not far off from the observation myself.
Slowly making my way to the kitchen, I start myself a very strong pot of coffee.
I go to the fireplace and see I’m out of wood, my chest immediately feeling tight, knowing I need to go outside. “Fuck.” For a moment I consider freezing versus the alternative, only I know with the cooling temperature I won’t make it far. After five minutes of a very intense pep talk I gather my coat and boots and make my way to the door. Another deep breath and I push the couch away from the door placing my hand on the deadbolt. With a quick flip I cautiously open the door and peer outside through a crack. The coast is clear, and I open the door quickly, running toward the pile of wood grabbing as many logs as I can carry.
It takes two trips to get enough inside that’ll get me through tomorrow. I lock the door and push the couch back in front of it, feeling a little more secure than I did moments ago. After I get the fire going again, I grab a cup of coffee, and pour a healthy dose of my hazelnut creamer into it. I grab my blanket and curl up in front of the fireplace on the floor—he can’t see me if I’m on the floor. Another insane tactic, but whatever it takes to get by.
The warmth fills me from both the inside and outside as I stare at the fire, sipping my coffee. My phone alerts me to an incoming text message and I reach out to gather it from the coffee table.
Lily: Hey girlie! Checking in, I miss you. Chi-town is not the same without you.
I smile and quickly type a reply.
Taryn: Hey! I miss you too.
Lily: Have you found what you’re looking for yet so you can come home?
Not even close, but I’m not going to tell her that. I don’t want to worry her because she would catch the first flight out and would show up here. Hey girl, I met a wolf. Well, not a wolf at the moment but he could shift to one any time. Oh, and did I mention it is the same man I met in the city that I gushed about in conversation. Yep, mmhm, that tall dark and handsome man I wanted to keep all to myself. Yep that’s him, a man...a shifter. Oh, my hell, I would surely be committed.
Taryn: No, but I’m enjoying the quiet.
Lily: You’re okay though, right?
Taryn: Yes, I promise I’m good.
I am so far from good I feel like I am in an entirely different universe.
After our conversation, I made myself some peanut butter toast. I quickly scarf it down along with another cup of coffee. Settling back in front of the fire I sit crisscross, resting my hands on my thighs. I read that meditation is good for clarity or at least opening your mind. When I close my eyes, I take a deep breath in and exhale a deep breath out. My mind starts to clear, and my body feels heavy. A numbness starts to overtake me and feel like I’m twitching. Everything I’ve read said that’s all normal, so I welcome it peacefully. As tense as I’ve been over the last ten to twelve hours, I’d take anything at this point. My muscles ache.
I’m not sure how long I sit here, but suddenly there are flashes in my brain again. Merick changes into the wolf, the wolf changing into Merick, he and I kissing, making love, and then I’m back to twelve-year-old me running through the forest except for this time, I’m being chased by a slobbering, snarling wolf.
I open my
