I use the bathroom and when I’m done, I wash my face and quickly brush my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror and freeze mid brush— my belly is way more noticeable today.
I turn to the side and pull my nightgown up. “Holy shit.” My hand goes to my belly, rubbing small circles over it. “Baby? You’re growing way too fast. You’ve got to give us time to get ready for your arrival.”
A soft kick from the inside makes me smile. I quickly spit the toothpaste out and run toward the stairs. I’m careful going down but continue running once I reach the bottom.
Merick is in the kitchen shirtless and making breakfast. He sees me running and rushes toward me. “Are you okay?” I grab his hand, placing it on my belly just as our child gives a tiny kick.
He doesn’t say anything simply drops to his knees. Merick pulls up my shirt and places both large hands on my belly. “Hi baby, it’s your daddy. I love you so much and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you and your momma safe.” The awe in his voice is transparent, I know exactly what he is feeling, because I feel it too.
The baby gives a little kick and Merick smiles up at me, making me weak in the knees.
Merick
I sit on the steps that lead off the back porch into the sprawling backyard. Staring ahead I watch Taryn as she lies on a blanket in the grass with her legs crossed. She’s wearing bright red pants that are more like tights, she calls them yoga pants though I haven’t seen her do any. Granted I do quite enjoy the way they hug her ass, so I won’t question her in the least. Her eyes are closed, the sun hitting her face, and her chest slowly rises and then falls, showing me she has likely fallen asleep again.
I can watch her for hours, she honestly doesn’t even have to be doing anything at all, having her close was all it took. The slight shift of her hips, the crease of her brows in confusion, or the way her mouth tilts up at the corners, it all gets me. It hits me someplace deep, leaving me feeling raw and exposed. Normally feeling vulnerable would piss me off, but with Taryn I welcome it. She is my life and soon our child would be sharing that affection.
The sound of boots thumping against the Oak board of the deck announces the arrival of a guest and I look back over my shoulder in time to see my father pause a few feet behind me. “I remember days like this,” he is staring out into the yard, at the exact location I was a moment ago. “I’d spend hours watching your mother. She didn’t have to be doing anything special, hell simply seeing her breathing was enough.”
Looking back, I allow him to carry on in silence.
“I know I can be difficult,” that is an understatement. “Pushy and even arrogant to the point of annoyance. But there is logic to my madness.
He steps on to the first step, then slowly lowers his body to my side settling in.
“The love you have for Taryn, the desire you have to be near her, the demand to protect her no matter the cost. That pull you feel, that connection that can’t be seen but felt in every fiber of your being.” Glancing in his direction I see a glossy appearance in his eyes and I wonder what has led up to it, until he continues and then I know. “Imagine what losing her would do to you,”
That burn, that intense ache that takes my breath away hits me hard.
“It’s maddening Merick, losing the one person you heart beats for. Your mother was the best part of me. She understood me, she kept me together, she made me whole, and without her, I feel like nothing more than a shell.”
I nod, knowing that no words I can speak will ease his ache. It's easy to judge, easy to assume that my father is nothing more than a coldhearted man, but the truth is, no one knows the pain he deals with unless they’ve suffered a comparable loss.
“I’m trying to let go of my need for vengeance, but—”
“Never let go of that,” he shifts his gaze to me and for a moment he looks surprised. “That’s when we become vulnerable, when we become a target for a recurrence. That will never happen, we will stand strong, we will rebuild an army and this time we will be impenetrable. I need you to be the man you’ve been, we all do. But every once in a while, seeing that hardness shifts and the resemblance of the man I know without a doubt my mother adored is nice too.”
It’s his turn to nod and I know it's because he is unable to speak without showing weakness. I understand.
In silence we sit beside one another, staring out toward Taryn. Her still lying peacefully in the sun basking in the solace while we both watch over her. Never again will I question my father's intentions, because I now know without a doubt in my mind, my family—our family—means just as much to him as it does to me.
The movie playing on the television holds little interest for me, but I pretend for her. I would much rather be holding her, tasting her, getting lost in the feel of her body pressing to mine. Taryn is like a drug I can’t get enough of. She is an addiction I never want to be cured of.
But for Taryn I would suffer through hours upon hours of meaningless film if it brought the smile she
