Dinner was nice and I was so happy to see Merick and Dad get along so well. I think it’s because he could see how happy I was. Every now and then I’d catch my dad looking at me with a soft look in his eyes as he smiled at me. I didn’t listen to his thoughts, I was worried I would cry and then they’d find out my secret--well one of my secrets.
“I can hear you thinking baby.” He whispers against the top of my head. Merick’s hand covering my belly makes circles. Our baby loves their daddy and immediately starts kicking.
I smile in the dark. “This was a great day. I’m so glad that you convinced me to invite them out.”
“They’re good people baby. I want our child to have loving grandparents around. I love my dad and he’ll be good to our baby, but I don’t see him being lovey dovey like your parents would be.” He says quietly.
“They’re the best. I wish I could’ve met your mom.” I kiss his chest. “What was her name?”
“Olivia.” I don’t miss the sadness in his voice.
I place my hand on top of his. “If this baby is a girl I want to name her Olivia.”
Merick tips my face up and leans down kissing me slowly. “You’re an amazing woman, you know that?”
“Well good thing you’re an amazing man.”
In no time at all I feel exhaustion take me over.
I place my back against the tree. My heart races as I try to catch my breath. The scream cuts through the night, causing me to grab my huge belly and start running again. I can’t let them catch me. If they do, they’ll kill me and my baby.
Tears run down my face when Merick’s lifeless body runs through my mind. They killed him, right in front of me and I couldn’t stop them. The man I love died trying to protect me.
I’ll die protecting my baby if I have to. The scream sounds closer and I pick up the pace. I feel a trickle running down the inside of my legs. “Oh God,” I moan as I start cramping.
This can’t be happening right now. Shelter, I need to find some place to hide. I scramble toward a huge bush and crawl underneath it. More fluid leaks from me and I know it’s my water breaking.
I place my fist in my mouth as pain spreads across my belly. When the pain subsides, I listen closely and hear nothing. A scream rips from my throat when the bush is pulled off of me. Something grabs my arm and I scream and fight. “Noooo! You can’t have her.”
“Taryn, baby stop.”
“Stay the fuck away from me.” I punch and kick with all my might. “I will kill you. Don’t touch us.”
“Fuck! Taryn baby wake up, wake up.” My body shakes. “Dammit baby you’re scaring—”
I fly back in bed, pressing my back against the headboard. My hands protect my belly from danger. I’m shaking so hard my teeth chatter. I blink a few times and I find Merick on his knees with his hands up. Blood drips from his nose and he’s got a split in his lip.
“D-Did I do that?”
He nods, crawling on his knees toward me. “It’s okay.”
“It was so real,” I whisper as tears fill my eyes. “Y-You were d-dead. Th-They were coming for me.”
“I’m going to call Amelia and have her come over and check you out. I’m worried about you and the baby. You were fighting me so hard and were screaming like you were in pain.” Merick reaches out, brushing my hair back from my face as I begin to cry.
I collapse into his chest, clutching him tight, knowing that he’ll protect me.
Merick
“I’ve never felt something so real, it was so vivid, the pain, the fear -- all of it. I can still feel that deep ache in my chest, the rawness. Like my heart is being ripped from my chest.” Taryn looks up and her teary gaze connects with mine. “You were gone,” her voice shakes, her lips tremble. “I don’t ever remember a time when I’ve felt that kind of pain,” her confession almost breaks me.
“I’m here,” reaching out. I place my hand on her cheek and when she leans into my touch, her eyes closing as if memorizing the way it feels. It wasn’t lost on me, the intensity of the moment. “I’ll never leave you.”
“You can’t promise me that.”
“I can,” I knew already where this was going and I needed it to stop. I don’t want to live this moment with her, not yet, not now. I don’t want Taryn to feel the things she is feeling, to have the thoughts she is having. I want to shelter her from this kind of fear and agony. But my girl is too observant, too smart.
“One day there may come a time when the promise will have to be broken. You know it, and so do I. There will be nothing either of us can do about it, nothing to change what's already written in our future. I truly hope that neither of us ever have to live through the kind of pain your father lives through every day, but I think if we ignore, or if we pretend it's not a possibility, then we are only fooling ourselves.” When she takes in a slow calming breath, I feel her tremble. “I love you Merick, and even that word feels insignificant. I feel like nothing I can say or ever do would show you the depth of my feelings for you. But I need you to know something.”
I try to maintain my composure but seeing her like this, so raw and emotional it makes me feel all of the same things myself. Taryn is my greatest love but she is also my biggest enemy when it comes to how she makes me feel. She makes me weak and vulnerable and I understand that someday
