I can’t see what Emmett is doing but whatever it is freaks her out enough that she hurries back inside the house. Sonja looks at him wide eyed also and quickly follows behind my deranged mother. He opens the passenger door and gets into the seat, fastening his seat belt. He doesn’t say anything further and turns on the radio, shutting out any possibility of a conversation, which I’m more than okay with. I don’t even want to touch on the subject of her calling me a faggot.
Emmett helps me bring my bags up to my room and then he heads off into his own without uttering a single word to me. I should feel good about this but for some reason I don’t. I don’t know what he’s thinking about me right now and if he feels uncomfortable being in the house with me now after what my mother said. His music goes on and I know I won’t see him for a while. I fall across my bed and let my exhaustion come over me. I just need a few hours of sleep and then I will tackle my mess of a life.
2
I am in a state of rage right now. I can feel it running through my body and heating up my insides. When Ember told me about her rage and how it feels, I didn’t understand it because I had never been that angry. But today, when Travis’ mother looked at him like he was a piece of shit under her very expensive shoe and spoke to him like he was the scum of the Earth and not the child she birthed, I almost lost it. Actually, I did lose it briefly because I withdrew a knife from my waist and swung it around my finger. I wanted her to see that I wouldn’t hesitate to put it through her eye if she continued. I bet she saw something close to insanity in my eyes as well.
In the car I could feel the shame pouring off of him in waves and it only made my anger worse. I was losing my vision to different shades of red and my breathing was short and quick. That’s why as soon as we were home, I made a beeline for my room and turned my music up loud. I can’t face him right now because I don’t want to make him feel worse, I don’t want to tell him that his mother is a waste of air and she deserves to rot next to his father. The shame he’s feeling would only magnify because when I look at Travis I can see he’s struggling internally, he looks to be at war with himself constantly and I can bet it’s because of his worthless parents.
I know what it is to have a worthless parent, I was raised by a man-of my father’s choosing-that thought I was useless, too. He tried to make me into a man at the tender age of ten by sinking a knife into the eye socket of someone that worked for The Rampage. After that, I was petrified of knives and I couldn’t even see one or else I would lose it and scream until I passed out. He hated how soft I was and beat me at every chance he had so I would ‘toughen’ up. All on the orders of my father, who was less than impressed with me as his son. It’s fucking hilarious that his daughter was the tough one and she came looking for him. It’s also funny that she was the one he would’ve wanted to groom but instead she tortured and killed him without mercy. The sight of his body afterward is something I will never forget.
When I first met Travis, I saw him as this pretty boy who looked like he thought himself better than everyone else. He rarely smiles and I have yet to hear him laugh, like a true laugh. I just thought he was stuck up and didn’t want to get close to any of us, but fuck, I was so wrong. Travis was abused by the people that were supposed to be raising him and it’s something I should have seen from the beginning because I used to be the same. Until Ember came. It was like she made me whole again and I could let go of all the hurt I held inside. I finally had family that saw me for me and not something I was supposed to be. I love Carm but he doesn’t have time to be a brother and even though I know he loves me, he also sees me as a future piece inside the Eastside Rampage.
My phone pings with an alert from the camera on the front porch. Ember made me download the app and learn to use it before she left. I look at the screen and see Adrianna standing on the porch with what looks to be a casserole dish. I blink out of my thoughts and look around the room, it’s darker now and I must have been in here for hours. I get up out of bed and turn my music off. When I don’t hear any movement I open my door and look across the hall. His bedroom door is slightly open, so I cross the hallway and look inside. Travis is starfished on his bed and he looks to be in a deep sleep. I close his door completely and make my way downstairs to the front door.
I open it up and come face to face with the
