“I don’t want to drag Sammi or our baby into this mess. Part of me thinks she’d be better off without me. Both of them would be.”
His chest seized at the thought of not seeing her every day. How could he survive not waking up with her in his arms, her beautiful brown eyes soft and warm as she watched him blink sleep away? He wanted to share the day’s adventures over dinner and make love into the wee hours of the night. To be around for every stage of her pregnancy and experience every first their baby went through.
“Dad won’t be front-page news forever,” Josh said, his gaze thoughtful. “We’ll all get through this. Even Mom is doing better than I thought she would be. I saw her this morning. I expected a repeat of the depression spiral from fifteen years ago. Instead she made me tea and told me we’d get through this too. She’s come a long way. Ol, don’t let Dad ruin another good thing in your life.”
“But what if I’m the one who ruins it?” Oliver had resisted facing this anxiety for too long. “I fight my addiction every day. It’s a battle I’ll be in for the rest of my life. What if I slip up? When I get stressed, the struggle increases tenfold. Sammi deserves better than to get trapped into a relationship with someone she can’t trust and can’t count on.”
“Do you really think she can’t trust or count on you?” Joshua asked. “Or are you just using your addiction as an excuse to avoid trying your hardest?”
Was that what he was doing? The last eight years had been hard, but except for a couple of slipups early on, he’d maintained his sobriety. Nor had he used his addiction to avoid doing something challenging. Starting now seemed a failure in itself.
“Not to mention,” Josh continued, “that you’re ignoring all the good she could do for you. Of course, you’d have to let her help, and that’s not exactly the easiest thing for us Lowell brothers to accept.”
Sammi stood in her closet, sorting through her wardrobe and her feelings for Oliver in light of his invitation to move in. She’d asked for a few days to consider his offer and, thanks to a long list of pros and cons, continued to grapple with the decision. In the meantime, and without anyone’s help, she’d located a temporary rental but hadn’t yet committed to it. The studio apartment was in an area Oliver would find acceptable and the size of an average hotel room. Though it was smaller than anything she’d lived in since her modeling career had taken off, the low rent offered her the ability to save up for when the baby came. Accomplishing this on her own had given her a boost of confidence. And provided an option if she decided not to move in with Oliver.
Abruptly the playlist Sammi had been listening to ended, and she became aware of the silent apartment. Her mother had moved out, taking the tense atmosphere with her, but the resulting emptiness filled Sammi with sadness and regret. She’d been so resentful of Celeste for driving her modeling career that Sammi had lost touch with their bond as mother and daughter. She would love to talk to her mother about moving in with Oliver, but she knew Celeste’s advice would be to get a big fat financial settlement from him, enough to set her and the baby up for life. Weeks earlier this might have irritated Sammi no end, but she was starting to understand her mother’s paranoia about being poor.
Today’s video shoot with Kimberly’s fiancé had given her a much-needed reality check. The answer she’d received about the chances of making much income off this fledgling idea had dimmed her enthusiasm about the project, but she was determined to give it all she had. Who knew what opportunities might arise from it, and Sammi needed to be open to any that presented themselves.
Which brought her back to the idea of moving in with Oliver. The decision would’ve been easier if she hadn’t slept with him again. Before that happened, she could’ve kept things strictly platonic, moved into his guest room, and pretended that she was immune to his sexy gorgeousness and the glimpses of sweetness that appeared like sunshine amid the dark clouds of his gruff exterior.
If she hadn’t succumbed to temptation, she wouldn’t be worried about what would happen when he tired of having her in his bed. Her thoughts turned to that twenty-three-dollar photo session that he still owed her. They never discussed it, and Sammi was starting to feel superstitious about what would happen if they followed through. When he’d initially offered the trade, she hadn’t thought beyond sharing a few personal thoughts, after which she’d received a portrait that would reveal her nature.
These days, her mind linked the photo with the end of her connection to Oliver. A ridiculous notion, since she was pregnant with his child. Sammi traced her fingers over her still-flat belly. She wasn’t a temporary fixture in his life. But on days when pregnancy hormones twisted up her emotions, Sammi wondered if she would continue to interest Oliver once he knew everything there was about her.
As if he sensed she was thinking about him, her phone buzzed with a text.
Want to have dinner?
Joy blazed through her, leaving giddiness in its wake. Since he’d gone to see his brother, she hadn’t expected he’d be in the mood for company afterward. From what he’d shared with her about growing up with twin older brothers and how all three siblings had been estranged since the scandal surrounding their father’s hedge fund, she’d imagined that he wouldn’t be in any mood for company.
Sammi engaged the reply box and began to type.
I’d love to.
Before she sent that message, she considered what she’d typed. Although love was the right word, it came off as
