Why couldn’t she just be happy to be the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with? Couples fell in love and got married all the time. That didn’t mean they were going to make it. Wasn’t it better if they were friends who respected and lusted after each other? That the only expectations between them were honesty and fidelity? His mother loved his father and he’d betrayed and abandoned her. How was that better than what Oliver was promising Sammi?
“I just don’t get what’s the big deal,” Oliver said. “I’m willing to commit everything to you and our baby.”
“Not everything,” she argued. “Not what’s important.”
“What could possibly be more important than our child growing up having something I lacked?” He needed to make it clear that he’d never be satisfied as a part-time parent. “Something that neither one of us had. The love and support of two parents.”
Her manner grew fierce as she insisted, “We’ll give that to our child.”
“I know we will, but wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have two households?” he asked, backtracking when he realized he was letting his frustration get in the way of convincing her to marry him. “You said I’m not committed to what’s important. What do you mean by that?”
They stared at each other in silence, the energy between them a clash of inflexible wills. Oliver’s breath roughened as he fought down panic. In her eyes he saw the sort of determination that ran marathons, won gold medals and drove every underdog ever to get back to their feet after being knocked down.
“I’m falling in love with you.” She spoke the words like a prayer. “And I can’t imagine a future without you in it, but I can’t marry you unless you’re doing it for the right reasons. I need you to love me back. It’s that simple.”
She’d made her decision and showed no sign of relenting or retreat. Anger and despair clashed inside him as he realized it was up to him to decide how to move forward.
“So you won’t be happy unless I pledge my undying love for you?” His sarcastic tone made the words come out like a scathing rebuke. Oliver saw her flinch and regretted speaking so harshly. “What about moving in with me? Or are you planning to reject that offer as well?”
She squared her shoulders and met his hostility with calm resolve. “With everything you have going on with your family and what’s happening with your father, I’m not sure that’s a great idea.”
“You’re turning me down because my father’s in prison?”
“I’m turning you down,” Sammi began in soothing tones, “because since he’s come back, you’re so angry about having to confront your past.”
“So I’m angry at my father. That has nothing to do with you and me.”
“Your bitterness toward your family dominates your emotions,” she explained. “You told me you turned to drugs to escape feeling bad all the time. Yet resentment toward your brothers drives your ambition, and you avoid having anything to do with your mother unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
How could Oliver argue with her when everything she said was true? He was filled with hostility toward his family and convinced that if he cut off contact with them, he’d be happier. Only being apart from them didn’t improve his mood. Past hurts continued to bother him like a wound that never healed, and he hated that he knew no way to fix the situation.
“So what do you suggest I do?” Oliver demanded, the weight of his sulky mood lowering his tone to a growl. Despite his rebellious attitude, he desperately wanted help.
“I think you should go see your father.”
“In prison? Have you lost your mind? What possible good will that do except make him feel as if he’s won?”
Sammi regarded him in dismay. “Won? This isn’t a contest between you.”
“Isn’t it?” Oliver’s throat closed down. When he forced out his next words, his voice held bleak resignation. “All I’ve ever done is fight for my father’s recognition and approval. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him.” Oliver rubbed his face. “Going to see him will only bring up all those bad feelings. I just want him out of my life.”
“But he was out of your life, and I’m not sure it helped you.”
This time the anger that flashed through Oliver was directed at her. How dare she comment on things she knew nothing about? Sure, when Vernon had first disappeared, Oliver let his rage drive him into destructive habits, but he pulled himself out of that nosedive. And once he’d realized he had nothing left to prove with his father gone, he’d been able to focus on being successful in a way that suited him.
No longer self-destructive with the need to fail and demonstrate that his father had been right all along, Oliver had capitalized on his talents and thrived. He threw his hand out, encompassing all that surrounded him.
“All you need to do is look at my achievements to realize that’s not true.”
“Yet you can’t really say you’re content.”
“I’ve been happy with you,” Oliver said, coming as close as he could to his ever-deepening feelings for her. “And I’m excited to be a father. Why can’t you just agree to move in and be happy with me?”
“I really want that,” Sammi admitted, her expression saying the opposite. “But all my life I’ve done things to please other people and let myself down. You’ve shown me how to be strong and stand up for what’s good for me.”
Oliver contemplated her meaning. “And you don’t think I’m good for you.”
“You are,” she assured him. “But your anger isn’t good for anyone.”
“And you think going to see Vernon will solve everything.”
“Not just seeing him,” she offered in tentative tones, “but finding a way toward forgiving him. If you can’t let go of your anger, you will always be its victim.”
Being referred to as a victim
