I should have seen it coming.
You know about her current mental state. Alice has told me she has spoken to you about it. I spent quite some time talking to Alice about it. Still, she does not have the full picture. No one does, not even me. I was there for a lot of it, but I was not inside Zofia’s mind. I wish I was. I wish I could take away her pain, transfer it all to me. That is how much I love her. What I saw haunts me. I saw Zofia curled up in a ball, rocking slowly, drool coming out of her mouth. I saw her eyes glaze over, looking beyond me, as though I was made of glass. I saw her slipping away from her own mind, replaced by a caricature of her former self.
Zofia is now a shadow. She hasn’t spoken in fifteen months. She lived with me for three months before I decided to move to New York and get a job at Alma Boots, and, in this time, she never said a word to me. Not one. When she eventually started communicating with me, it was in writing. Now, we “speak” solely over email and texts. I miss my cousin’s voice every day.
To answer the question you are no doubt wondering: Yes, I got the job at Alma Boots planning on accusing your husband of doing to me what he had done to my cousin. Prior to this, I spent months trying to convince her to come forward, but she refused. I thought of telling the world myself, but I feared what it would do to her. I now know that I was right to be afraid. I have spent the past several weeks suffering abuse from family, friends, and strangers. Zofia could never have come forward. She wouldn’t have survived messages from men promising to violate and then dismember her, only to violate the parts of her that really matter all over again. It’s not that Zofia isn’t strong enough. It’s that she shouldn’t have to be. I am not strong enough, either. Except, for her, I will go through anything. It’s been this way all our lives.
You are probably wondering about Charlie, too. I am not ashamed of my relationship with him. I did not expect it, but I fell in love with him. He understood what I was doing and offered to help me because he, too, is disgusted by his son’s actions. When I realized that we’d developed feelings for each other, I told him he had to leave his wife, which he then did. He’s been living with me for eight weeks. I will say this only because it is a point that Alice asked me: my relationship with Charlie in no way makes me a hypocrite. Charlie is not my boss. Charlie was already separated when we kissed for the first time. Charlie has no power over me. Charlie and I are equals, soon to be parents.
The pregnancy was unplanned. I am surprised, but happily so. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Unfortunately, once I found out about the babies, I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow my plan until the end. This is why I retreated, why I stopped posting videos and leaking information. Charlie wanted to continue, but I feared for the safety of my unborn children, especially given the amount of threats I continue to receive. As a mother, I’m sure you can understand.
I knew that my plan would hurt you, but I told myself you were a necessary casualty. I still feel this way, I’m sorry if that is harsh. We are at war. Ours is not a war of women against men. If it were, women would win. The war we are fighting is of predators versus victims, and the predators are always men, and the victims are always women. The problem is that the predators have an army of women—mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, friends—by their side. Like you, who stood by your husband’s side.
Men have many advantages in our world, but it is the support of this army of women that makes it impossible for a woman to win in a fight against a man. This is why I had to lie. I know that lying is wrong. Lying isn’t “fair play.” But fair play only works if there’s an equal playing field, and for Zofia there wasn’t. In our world, the entire concept of fairness is an illusion, one that serves to keep women subjugated.
I do not regret my actions. I was right in what I did. Still, I am sorry for hurting you. You are a woman and I do not believe in hurting women. Especially family. And that’s what we are now. My children will be your son’s aunts or uncles. I wish there was a way to hurt your husband without hurting you, or our children. But that is impossible. It is the same impossibility that gives men the upper hand, that allows them to win.
I don’t want men to win anymore, and I’m hoping that you don’t, either. This is why I ask you: please ask your husband to resign. Charlie can step in as CEO. It is a job he’s done before, one he did well. If you do not want Charlie to be CEO (I would understand if you are upset with him, as you are with me), then I ask you to consider anyone else. Anyone but your husband. Charlie does not agree with
