“Louise?”
She raised her head. In the golden light of early evening, Uncle Freddie was walking toward her.
“Caroline thought she saw you heading back here.” Uncle Freddie sighed as he sat next to Louise and extended his arm along the back of the bench. “I’m sorry about what happened back there. Wish I could say I’m surprised.”
“That’s what makes me feel the worst. I am surprised. I believed I was going to race. Ever since we left Chicago, Tidye’s been worried that Coach Vreeland wasn’t going to race us, but I didn’t let myself believe her. I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You won big races, got important awards, set records; they made you feel like you had a shot. It’s not your fault your coach didn’t have the vision to offer you more of an opportunity.”
“Us girls? We’re invisible.” The unfairness of it all felt like an ache that stuck like a rock under Louise’s ribs. “It’s worse for Tidye and me because of our color, but I think no one ever considers any of us girls to be real contenders at all.”
“You did everything right. You’ve made all of us so proud.”
“Really?”
Uncle Freddie patted her arm. “Of course. Things happen that are beyond your control. You gave it everything you had and that’s all you can do. You’ve just got to keep going. That’s what we do. So what’s next?”
Louise had been avoiding thinking about this. It hurt too much to consider. “I don’t know. Mama will probably want me to finish school.” But even as she said the words, she knew she wouldn’t return to the halls of Malden High School. To go back, not ever having gotten a chance at her shot in the Olympics? It was too maddening to consider. How was she supposed to have any hope for the future when she had experienced such a betrayal?
“I understand your anger, I’ve been there too many times to count, but don’t stop because you’re angry. You’ve got to take that anger and use its energy and power to accomplish something good. Stop when you feel you’ve accomplished what you set out to do and you’re ready to try something new. I think you’ve still got more running in you, more great finishes. You’ve got to keep trying and hoping and applying pressure on people to do the right thing.”
Louise stared into the fountain, mesmerized by the falling water. “I’m too mad to think about the future so I’m going to allow myself to be good and angry tonight. No one can take that from me. For the next twelve hours, I’m going to allow myself to feel all of it—my hurt, anger, and disappointment. Then, in the morning, I’ll rise and spend the day smiling and enjoying parties and events that celebrate this team. I’ll be a good girl, a good teammate, but tonight, I get to be angry.”
Uncle Freddie nodded. “Being angry doesn’t make you bad. It shows you’ve got heart.”
Later, after she and Uncle Freddie had said their goodbyes, she passed by the elevator, choosing instead to climb the stairs to her room. Sometimes it felt best to think while she was moving. With each step upward, she turned over what Uncle Freddie had said in the garden. It was easy to believe that the stopwatch was the ultimate decider of who would win the race, but results could be skewed because of things that had nothing to do with running. Rules could be broken. Judges could be wrong. People did not always do the fair thing. Final results were only as reliable as the system that produced them. Louise understood this now.
She reached her floor and paused. Leaning against the railing to let her heart slow and breathing settle, she made a decision. Even though the system was flawed, she refused to give up on it.
CAROLINE AND HOWARD gave Louise and Tidye a ride back to Chicago from California, and from there, Louise took the train home to Massachusetts. She arrived at the platform in Malden on an afternoon thick with humidity and spotted Papa in the crowd, his gaze roving the disembarking passengers for her. In the six weeks that she had been gone, he had changed. He looked like a parched houseplant. Brittle, drooping, and leached of color. She hurried off the train and was swept into his arms.
She hoped to keep her voice upbeat. “I’ve missed you. How are you?”
“It’s good to have our champion back. Welcome home.” He ran his hand along her cheek, as if he couldn’t believe she was there. “How was California?”
Louise bit the inside of her mouth. She had known she would be asked this question, and during the long trip across the country, she’d thought of a thousand different ways to answer it. In the end she had settled on an answer that told the truth without dredging up all the pain she still carried. “I learned a lot.”
Papa’s eyes narrowed. He knew her too well to accept that answer at face value, but before he could prod for more, she asked, “Where’s Mama? Junior didn’t come?”
Papa reached for Louise’s valise. “Come now, Dr. Conway let me borrow his car as a special occasion.”
Something was wrong. Where was everyone? She wanted to ask more questions, but Papa had moved ahead, his chin down as if pushing into a headwind. She followed.
Once they were settled into the car, Papa rested his hands on the wheel, but didn’t start the motor. “Louise, I’m afraid I have some bad news. We received a telegram from California four days ago. Uncle Freddie was in an accident.”
“What? I don’t understand. I just saw him in California.”
“He was in an automobile accident. There was a storm and the roads were slick and—” He shook his head. “He didn’t survive. Your mother is devastated.”
Louise couldn’t bring herself to imagine Mama’s reaction to the
