‘Forget he is anything more than your employer from now on, Marianne,’ she whispered to herself once she was safely inside her bedroom with her back pressed against the door as if to keep wild and sensual Marianne out. Of course he had not come up here looking for her; Lord Stratford was too honourable to pursue a woman who had said no to him. ‘And stop lying to yourself,’ she told herself disgustedly. ‘You did not say no, he did when he called a halt to that kiss. You would have gone on saying yes until anything else was a technicality.’
Just as well he had, then, since she could not endure being cut off from her brother and Fliss and Viola for the sake of a scandalous liaison with a man so far above her touch. She did not have a thick enough skin to be anyone’s mistress, even if she could face the idea of never seeing her family again as the price for the sensual pleasure she knew she would experience in his bed. And what would Papa think when he found out his elder daughter had become a scarlet woman? He would be heartbroken and that was that, then—the last nail in the coffin of Marianne the mistress.
It did not stop her aching for Alaric the man while she got ready to pack her life up again. At least he was in Broadley by now, not a floor down and a few sturdy planks of oak away from her as he had been for the last few weeks. Even that was not nearly far enough away to let her rest peacefully tonight and somehow she had to learn to stop being a fool about a man she could not have.
Chapter Fifteen
After years of holding himself aloof from strong emotions, Alaric felt so many tearing away at him now it was as if he was making up for a drought. She was so vulnerable, the real Marianne under Mrs Turner’s brisk efficiency, and it was too soon to risk everything they could be before he knew it was for good. What a fine pair they were; him guarding his heart after losing George and succeeding to a title and estates he never wanted and her hiding so much hurt and grief for her Daniel behind relentless hard work.
This afternoon she had trusted him enough to cry in his arms and let some of it out and that had made him feel proud and racked with guilt at the same time. He had wanted her so much even while she wept for another man against his shoulder as if her heart might break. No wonder she had responded when he kissed her so lustily; she was overwrought, all her emotions too close to the surface, and she had trusted him. Then she had distrusted him and then she went sad and distant and mysterious on him and he would never understand women as long as he lived.
‘Brute,’ he still accused himself as he rode back to Broadley.
He had recognised something exceptional and significant about Marianne the moment they met and now he felt a fool for not realising how much she meant to him until they quarrelled and he did not know how to cross the barriers they had each put up to keep the other at a distance again. He had known she was true and strong at first sight, despite the snap of temper in her fine eyes and her impatience with lords like him. So, yes, Marianne tugged at his senses and challenged him and made him someone better than he was before he met her. And he wanted to confront her with everything they could be to one another if they only dared, but caution whispered it was too soon. And how could he reveal his dreams and dilemmas to her now he had persuaded her to become Juno’s companion? He had done it to give her a place to go when her brother married, but doing it left him tied hand and foot.
How could he tell her he felt explosive and on fire and desperate for her in every inch of his body and all his wildest fantasies when she was still grieving for her husband? Even if she was not in his employment and would not soon be living under his roof, how could he tell her that? Well, she had said they should give each other a month’s trial, had she not? Best hold her to that limit and maybe, after a month of trying his hardest to be a good and unthreatening viscount, he could finally manage to convince her he was a better man than the evidence so far suggested.
‘Juno? Juno? Where are you? The carriage is coming down the drive and your uncle is here to escort us on the first leg of our journey to Wiltshire.’
Marianne realised at breakfast this morning that the girl had grown more silent as the day to leave Owlet Manor came closer and she had barely managed to eat a thing today now it was actually here. Marianne urged Fliss and Darius to say their goodbyes, then go on a visit to Miss Donne so there would not be quite so much of a break when the time came for Juno to leave. Now Seth and Joe were carrying their luggage for the journey out for the grooms to buckle or tie in place and the rest had gone ahead by carrier. Lord Stratford was waiting outside on a fine horse obviously much more suited for a gentleman to ride and waiting to escort them to his home and Juno was nowhere to be
