His leg twitched at her reminder. Rebel whined again and left Kensie’s side, pressing against him as if to hold him up. He could tell her what had happened to his unit, about just how well he understood not wanting to let someone go when deep down you knew you had to. But he held the words in. They’d only make her feel bad and they wouldn’t do him any good, either. He wasn’t even sure he could talk about it.
Instead, he shook his head sadly. “I hope you’re right, Kensie, but I don’t think you are. And I can’t follow you on a fool’s mission. I’m sorry. I think you should go home.”
Colter walked away.
Rebel followed more slowly. Every few steps, her head swung back toward Kensie, still standing outside the police station.
He was a jerk. He knew it. Yeah, some of his words had been true, probably even the part about her being selfish. She just assumed she understood him because she’d seen him limp. Instead of asking what he’d gone through, she’d been focused on her own pain.
Then again, hadn’t he done the same thing? Walking away right now was only partly because her mission was likely to end in heartbreak for her and he didn’t want to see it. The rest was because she was slowly pulling him back into the world.
He knew part of healing would require him to re-enter the world. And it wasn’t because his therapists had told him so, back when the military had tried to force him to get some help. He wasn’t blind to the fact that the way he was living wasn’t the healthiest choice. But it was a choice that had brought him some measure of peace. Certainly more peace than he’d had in the hospital or even back with his family and friends.
Their platitudes and insistence they knew what he was going through hadn’t made him feel loved. It had made him angry. Because no one who hadn’t lived through a war and lost people could understand.
Maybe that had been part of the appeal of helping Kensie. She didn’t know about his past. And he’d thrown that fact in her face.
He squeezed his eyes shut, slowing to a stop. He sensed Rebel pause beside him, always his loyal companion.
Holding in a curse, he glanced back. Just like he knew it would, guilt flooded him at seeing Kensie standing there.
She looked lost and alone. But she also looked unbeaten. Her head was still held high, her shoulders stiff. She wasn’t going to give up on Alanna, no matter the odds.
He understood her loyalty. He admired it.
Semper Fi. It was the Marines’ battle call, their motto. It was one of his own core beliefs.
Opening his eyes, he turned slowly. Rebel spun with more glee, her tail batting back and forth, slapping against his thigh.
With every step back toward Kensie, his heart pounded harder, warning him this was a mistake. Already, she was making him feel things that were dangerous. Connection to a mission, connection to another person.
He didn’t want to care. He didn’t want to re-enter the world, because eventually that would make him face the things he’d lost, face the grief over the people he’d lost.
He wanted to stay up in his cabin with Rebel. He wanted to let the peace of the mountains soothe his soul. He’d planned to stay there the rest of his life. He knew it would be lonely, especially after Rebel was gone. But that seemed like the safest choice, the happiest choice for him.
As he approached, Kensie watched him warily, probably with no idea what she was doing to his life.
“I’m sorry.” His voice creaked with emotion and embarrassment heated his cheeks.
Rebel shoved her head under Kensie’s hand, tail wagging enthusiastically.
A surprised laugh burst from Kensie at Rebel’s antics and in that moment, Colter wanted to move forward. He wanted to laugh like that, unconstrained and free. He wanted to spend time with a woman like Kensie. If this had been a year ago, not only would he have done everything in his power to help her, no matter the odds, but he would also have pursued her. Hard.
She still looked wary, as though she wasn’t sure she wanted to accept his apology. As though she wasn’t sure she wanted his help. “Colter...”
The idea of venturing back into the world, even this tiny bit with her, scared him. Terrified him might be more accurate. But he’d made the decision now, and he shouldn’t have turned away just because she hadn’t been totally up-front with him.
He’d accepted a mission. And whether or not it was one that could be accomplished, he owed it to her to try.
He owed it to himself, too. To see if he could really do it.
He cut off whatever response she had to his apology by stepping forward into her personal space. Close, so she wouldn’t misunderstand.
She froze, her mouth still open.
He didn’t hesitate. He wrapped an arm around her waist and yanked her to him before he could think better of it.
Kensie stumbled, but his bad leg didn’t protest much as he caught her weight against his body. Then he captured her lips with his.
She tasted like coffee and peppermint. She tasted like every dream he’d ever had for himself, before his world was torn apart.
His other arm wrapped around her, pulling her even tighter against him, and then he lost himself. For a moment, everything else disappeared. The past, his brothers, her sister, even the inevitable end of knowing her when she returned to Chicago. For a moment, he was living again. Truly living.
Every inch of his body seemed to come alive as her hands slid slowly over his chest and hooked around his neck. She was tall for a woman, but still a good five inches shorter than he was, so when she went up on tiptoes to give him better
