“I had two surgeries, the first one to get the piece of metal out of me and then later to screw the leg back together to try and save it. Rebel had three, poor girl, though her leg has healed better than mine. Then there was PT for both of us, for a good six months. We both made it back home, but our career together was over.”
His physical therapy had been driven by an equal mix of unrealistic determination to get himself back into fighting shape and the desire to just be mobile enough to go and see his brothers’ families in person. Apologize.
He’d never done it. By the time he’d healed enough to be released, he’d broken down every time he’d picked up the phone to book the travel. Since then, one of his brothers’ wives had given birth to their first child. Another’s oldest had graduated from high school. So much they should have been around to see.
Instead, it had just been Colter. And no one had been waiting for him because he’d never made that commitment to anyone or anything outside the service.
It wasn’t fair. But staring at Kensie now, as she sniffled and swiped a hand over her face, where tears ran freely, he realized how much had changed for him. For the first time since that day, he was actually glad he’d lived through it.
For this moment. Her hand clutching him so tightly as she tried to get control over her emotions. It wasn’t pity in her eyes, but deep sadness and understanding.
He knew she understood why he’d never felt like he should have gotten another chance when none of his brothers had. Because somewhere deep down, she probably felt the same way about her sister.
But the bond he felt with her was more than one of loss. Because she made him want to live again, to reach for things he had no business wanting.
He couldn’t do it.
She had a shot at finding Alanna, at moving on with her life and finding happiness. But how could he smile and go on with life like everything was fine when eight other families had buried their happiness?
The answer was simple. His living that day had been a fluke, an act of love from his partner. But it wasn’t what was supposed to have happened. He should have gone with his brothers. And he wasn’t going to betray them by leaving them behind a second time.
Chapter Fourteen
His leg was killing him.
Colter bit the inside of his lip until he tasted blood. He leaned heavily on the cane he’d reluctantly pulled out this morning when he’d discovered even getting out of his recliner was a challenge. He hadn’t used the thing in more than six months, when he’d vowed never to rely on it again. Thank goodness he’d stashed it in a closet instead of tossing it.
He hated that he needed it now, but it was better than not being able to keep up with Kensie. Because as much as he could have used another day or two to recover, he knew she wasn’t going to wait. And he didn’t trust anyone else to help her.
She’d slept twenty feet away from him last night, tucked into his bed. Every time she’d rolled over, he’d heard the rustle of his sheets and every nerve in his body had fired to life. Especially since, before she’d headed to his room to sleep, she’d leaned over and pressed the softest, briefest kiss on his lips.
The feel of that kiss had lingered through the night, tingling every time he heard her move. Even before his accident, he’d never connected with anyone the way he had with Kensie.
He still couldn’t believe he’d shared his story with her. Even more, he couldn’t believe he’d done it without having a bad flashback or a panic attack. But her touch on his shoulder and Rebel’s head under his hand had kept him grounded in the present.
Today, he felt wrung out from the inside. But in a strange way, it felt good, like some of the tension and anger he’d been carrying around for the past year had been swept away, too.
Maybe it was looking at the way she lived her life. She’d said she spent too long trying to do everything at two hundred percent to make up for what happened to her sister. But when he looked at Kensie, he didn’t see a woman doing everything at warp speed to avoid having to really live. He saw someone capable and strong, someone who would never give up on the people she loved.
Right now she was walking beside him. He could practically feel her restrained energy as she took short strides, her hand resting on Rebel’s head.
They’d agreed last night that, since her truck was in town and he was in no shape to drive, she’d stay with him. Then, today, they’d go back to the part of town where she’d spotted Henry. With all the stores open, they’d be able to talk to more people and hopefully get some better answers about the man and where he lived.
The plan had been to set off in the morning, but his leg had refused to hold his weight for very long. The concern on Kensie’s face had mixed with an anxiousness to get going and he’d promised he’d be ready by midafternoon. She’d seemed doubtful, but here they were. He would be paying for this later, but he wasn’t taking any chances. His pistol was holstered under his shirt on the left.
Danny Weston was still in a holding cell, so he wasn’t an immediate concern. But Colter didn’t know enough about Henry to have any clue what to expect if they found him. If Kensie was right and he’d had her sister for the past fourteen years, Colter wasn’t messing around.
