Don’t go wanted so badly to erupt from his mouth, but he squeezed his lips closed. She had a family to return to, a life to rebuild—and maybe to rethink. In the hospital, he’d seen it on her face that she was reevaluating the choices she’d made in her life. He hoped she’d keep playing the violin. Even though he knew she’d chosen the career path because of Alanna, he could see it on her face when she talked about playing: she loved it.
He’d never get to see her play. Never meet her family or walk hand in hand with her down the street in comfortable silence again.
And for the first time in a long time, he knew exactly what he wanted: her. He could picture a life with her. A home. Babies.
It was an impossible dream. But it felt good to dream again. He actually felt alive in a way he hadn’t since the moment that first shot had rung out in the desert and Rebel had slammed into him.
“Kensie—”
She turned toward him, her face full of expectation and hope.
Words about staying in touch, about making plans to see each other down the road—someday, somehow—died on his lips. She deserved more than empty promises.
What could he really offer her from 3,500 miles away? A relationship of phone calls? The burden on her to fly out to see him since he’d vowed to remain in Desparre, since the very idea of going anywhere else made his chest hurt?
She was falling for him. He’d felt it in the lingering touch of her fingers on his face as she kissed him the other night. He saw it in the way she stared at him now, with the kind of unrealistic hope she’d once shown for finding her sister.
He might not be worthy of her, but he cared enough about her to try and do what was best for her. And that was giving her a clean break. As much as it hurt, what she needed most from him now was for him to let her go.
He slowed his truck to a stop in front of the airport, unable to believe how fast the time had come. “I’m going to miss you, Kensie.”
Her mouth opened into a silent O, the hope in her gaze fading. Then she gave him a forced, trembling smile. “Thank you for helping me, Colter.”
She unbuckled her seat belt and twisted to pet Rebel, pressing her cheek briefly to his dog’s head. “I’m going to miss you, Rebel.”
Rebel whined, looking at Colter as if trying to tell him, “Make her stay, stupid.”
Everything in him ached to comply, to beg Kensie not to go, or at least to stay in touch. Instead, he gave her his own forced smile. “We’re going to miss you, Kensie.”
She threw her arms around his neck, pressed a brief kiss to his lips and then stepped out of his truck. She grabbed her luggage from the back seat and strode into the airport before he could recover.
And then she was gone.
Chapter Seventeen
How could her heart feel this full and this empty at the same time?
Kensie stared out the window at the plane pulling up to her gate. It had only been four days ago that she’d left Chicago, terrified and full of hope for what she might find in Desparre. She’d never expected to find someone like Colter. She’d never expected to lose someone like Colter.
And she’d never thought she’d be returning home without Alanna and with a total loss of hope of ever finding her. The idea of giving up on her sister made guilt gnaw at her, but it was time to move on. Colter had taught her that. If only she could have taught him the same.
She didn’t like picturing him and Rebel alone in their cabin, cloistered away from the world with only pictures of their dead brothers to sustain them. It wasn’t a way to live. She wanted so much more for him.
But she couldn’t force him to change. And she’d spent too much of her life living for someone else. It was time she started living for herself.
As much as it hurt, she had to go. For the briefest moment, she’d thought he was going to suggest they stay in touch, maybe even pursue something long-distance. If he had, if he’d felt as strongly as she did, she would have ignored her head telling her it would never work. She would have followed her heart.
But he’d simply said goodbye, so she’d tried to do the same. A clean break. It was the right thing for both of them.
She’d practically run from his truck when he stopped outside the airport. If she’d dawdled, she knew she would have broken down, or worse yet, admitted how she felt about him. And telling a guy you were falling in love with him after knowing him for four days wasn’t the best idea. Especially when you were about to leave and never talk to him again.
That wasn’t how she wanted him to remember her, as needy and heartsick. She wanted him to remember her as strong and determined. She wanted him to think of her and recall the feel of her kiss, the warmth of her smile. Not an awkward goodbye.
“Are you okay, honey?”
Kensie looked up at the elderly woman holding out a tissue to her. She took it, nodding her head and swiping at tears she hadn’t even realized she was shedding.
The woman frowned but walked away, and Kensie stiffened her shoulders. It was time to stop looking backward. Even if he didn’t know it, Colter had done so much for her. She’d always cherish him for that.
Being with him had made her look at herself differently. She’d seen herself through his eyes and it had made her want things she never even knew she was missing.
Colter had looked at her, not knowing the accomplished violinist, the steadfast volunteer for cold-case searches. He’d seen her. He’d
