“And that made a difference to him?”
“Of course. Don’t forget that your uncle was an assassin too. For many years, he didn’t have much of a conscience. He had rules, but not a conscience.”
Ben tasted bitterness in the back of his throat. “So that’s going to be me eventually?”
Tenzin looked genuinely baffled. “Why would that happen to you?”
“Don’t you lose your human morals after a while? Justify things you normally wouldn’t because you’re so… above humanity?”
Tenzin raced in front of him, stopping him on his flight path. “Why do you think that?”
“Because—”
“I do not understand this about you, Benjamin. I truly do not. Your uncle’s sire was a madman who actively killed Giovanni’s empathy for others, but he still retained a core of humanity. My early immortal life was horrible, and I…” She stared at a spot over his shoulder, her eyes piercing the darkness. “I cut off parts of myself to survive it. But that was us.”
Ben stared at her. What was she saying? Tenzin never talked about her past like this. She didn’t look back. He couldn’t remember how many times she’d told him: If I look back, I will go truly mad.
“You cut off parts of yourself to survive?” He swallowed hard. “What does that mean, Tenzin?”
She shook her head. “It means that you are not me. And you haven’t had to do that. I would never have let him take you unless I knew he had evolved. I wouldn’t have allowed it.”
“Tenzin—”
“This isn’t about Zhang. Or me. You are yourself. And I know you are angry with me, but you have to think past that now.”
“No, this is about you.” I don’t want to talk about me. “You want me to reveal everything when you give me nothing. What do you mean, Tenzin?”
She ignored him. “Does Carwyn have a conscience? Does Beatrice?” Her face was twisted with an anger Ben had never seen before. “Think of the countless men and women of honor whom you know. Baojia. Brigid. Lucien Thrax.” She seemed to stumble a little on Lucien’s name. “Your friends, Benjamin.”
He felt a burning in his chest. “You were my friend.”
She looked him straight in the eyes. “I am still your friend. I will always be your friend whether you want me or not.”
She turned and flew toward shore, leaving him alone in the dark clouds, the wind cutting through his clothes and lashing his skin as a light rain began to fall around him.
* * *
Tenzin landed on the balcony of Gavin’s house in Monte Carlo. He had a top-floor apartment in a historic building with updated amenities and vampire security. It would have cost him millions and millions of dollars, or many favors.
Did Gavin have a conscience? It was slightly grey, but yes. He definitely did. He had a code of honor that he stuck to. Immortals could depend on him. And while some high-minded philosophers like Carwyn didn’t approve of Gavin’s policies, his safe spaces allowed many disputes to be resolved without blood or collateral damage. That was a valuable service to vampires and humans both.
Gavin Wallace wasn’t pure of heart, but he’d earned the love of a pure-hearted woman. That had to mean something.
Chloe was sitting on a lounge chair reading a book. She glanced up when Tenzin landed on the ledge. “Hey, how was your night?”
“Ben is brooding again.” Tenzin hopped down. “I do not understand him.”
“You’d be bored if you did.” Chloe turned a page. “What now?”
“Why does he think becoming a vampire is a recipe for inhumanity? Why does he think he’s going to become some kind of monster?”
Chloe looked up with wide eyes. “You know, you really need to work on the small talk. ‘Hey, how was your night? Is the casino nice? How much did Gavin drop in frightening fashion on games with ridiculously large cards?’”
“I do not have time for small talk.” She walked over to Chloe and dragged a lounge chair next to hers. “I have until the end of this job to make this man see reason. Why does he think he’s going to become some kind of monster now that he is a vampire?”
Chloe set down her book. “You know what he did to my ex-boyfriend, right?”
Tenzin stared blankly at her. “Do you?”
“Yes. He eventually told me. He broke Tom’s fingers and his knee. Some… other stuff. He basically got a list of the injuries Tom gave to me and systematically, over a period of months, inflicted every single one on my ex. Not in anger. It was pure, cold revenge.”
Tenzin said nothing.
“You know it’s in him,” Chloe said quietly. “That cruelty—the capacity for it—it’s there. He plays at being light and funny, but you’ve seen it. You recognize it too.”
Tenzin knew it was there. She’d sat next to him through some of the darkest times. “But it is not in his heart,” she said. “That’s why he eventually told you about Tom. That’s why he could never become like me.”
“You’re very hard on yourself.”
“You don’t know all the things I’ve done.” And you never will. “I’m being honest.”
Chloe let out a long breath. “So… his parents were awful. He’ll never tell you how much, but they were really awful. Those scars on his arms are not from goofing around with friends when he was a kid.” Chloe pulled her knees up to her chest. “When Giovanni adopted him, I think Ben decided that he was going to be perfect. The best nephew. The best friend. The perfect student. Everything under control. Because he was never going to be like them.”
“And becoming a vampire puts some things out of his control.”
“Yes.” Chloe cleared her throat. “You’re so brilliant and wise. Don’t you see how scared he is?”
Scared? Ben was frightened?
“But he’s not supposed to be afraid anymore. That was the point.” Tenzin rose and began to pace. “That was the whole point.”
“I wish I could snap my
