“Families are complex, Eduardo. You know that. And I’ve . . . made certain choices in my past. Things I maybe wish I didn’t do now, or maybe I made the right choices. Even now I’m not sure. All I can say for certain is I’m filled with regret and a bit of guilt.”
“We all are. We can’t make our way through life without both.”
I chuckle lightly, “Yeah, well, let’s just say I made my fair share of shitty decisions when I was younger. Super shitty. But I know . . . we have to fuck up to grow in life. Unfortunately, my fuck up completely changed life as I knew it at the time.” Eduardo’s furrowing his brows at me, so I continue and take it as a sign he’s curious. “When I was barely eighteen, I got shit-faced after my father put his hands on me. It happens when he’s drunk. He blacks out and you try to take alcohol from him . . . then you aren’t a human. You’re a punching bag. I interfered when I shouldn’t have, got my ass beat and ran to my best friend’s apartment. Only, she wasn’t there.” It’s been years, and still nausea strikes through me. The amount of regret over that one act will haunt me for the rest of my life.
“I decided to get shitfaced with her boyfriend. He lived there with her. The plan was to wait until Melody came home . . .”
“But something happened?” He inquires.
I nod, “Yeah. The alcohol got to our heads and I fucked him. I shouldn’t have done it. It was wrong. It was so fucking wrong. There’s no excuse for what I did, the way I betrayed the both of them.”
“You were a young woman looking for compassion in a time when you’d been hurt. Everyone makes mistakes, Amara.”
I shut my eyes and the tears spill from the corners. “Certain mistakes shouldn’t happen, and that was one of them. She left. My number one supporter. The one person who never turned their back on me . . . who never betrayed me. Not that I could blame her for leaving. If it were me, I might’ve too. It’s just such a mess. Because of me, a little girl grew up without her father for years. Melody was pregnant at the time, and she left when she saw Widow and I—”
“Widow? From the Reapers?” Eduardo questions.
“Yes. We fell into this sort of relationship after everything went down. I don’t know if we were in love, but I did love him in a way. All of this seems surreal. This,” I open my eyes and point to my stomach. “I had an abortion a few years ago, Eduardo. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother, and I sure as hell wasn’t fit to be one. I’d . . . I’d been on the pill and it didn’t work. I never missed a dose, so please don’t think I was being irresponsible. I became part of the percentage who birth control fails on.”
“I wouldn’t judge you like that, Amara. First of all, it’s none of my business. Secondly, I’m your friend and I’m here to help support you, not tear you down.”
“This isn’t the first time he got me pregnant. I miscarried not long after he had me holed up in that shed.”
“I’m terribly sorry,” Eduardo responds.
“I might sound cold, but I’m not. No child deserved a psychopath of a father like that, or a woman like me as a m—”
“That’ll be enough of that.” Eduardo growls, glaring at me. “You can be unsure of what you want to do in regard to keeping the child, but you don’t put yourself down like that. None of us are perfect, Amara. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all fucked up in some manner or another. The important thing is how we keep trying to do better. That’s what makes the difference.”
“The difference?” I question.
“Between being bad or good. As far as you’re concerned, I think you’ve been trying to make amends for the mistakes you’ve made in your past. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Now, we’re going to leave this afternoon for the last leg of our drive. However, I do have a doctor coming to check you out and make sure you and the child are okay. I’m taking it you’ve not gotten checked.”
I shake my head, “You’re the first person I’ve seen besides Lucien in over a year.”
“Alright. I’ll let the doctor know you haven’t been seen by one yet.” Eduardo rises from the couch and starts heading over to the door of the suite.
“Eduardo, thank you for doing this. I appreciate it more than you know.”
He turns back to look at me. “Amara, there’s no need to thank me. Even if I hated you I’d do this. I’m merely being decent. But, you and I have a bit of history . . . so maybe I’m giving you preferential treatment.”
“What kind of history would that be?” I ask, genuinely curious. It may give me some insight on how he feels about me. Not that I’m looking for love, but curiosity has never killed the cat.
He laughs, “You were a beautiful woman who made an old man feel young again. A great friend at a time you didn’t even know I needed it.”
“I didn’t know if you could tell, but back then I was totally trying to jump in your bed.”
“Oh, I could tell. You’re the type of woman who shoots her shot.”
“Yeah, I suppose I am.” I mutter, smiling lightly just as Eduardo makes his grand escape out of the suite.
Chapter Eight
Tough situations build strong people
~ The Villain Skill
Dante
A
