“I said the same thing about Hollis and look at me now,” she said, glancing down at her body. “Withering.”
Submission
Rush opened our bedroom door well past dinner. I crossed my legs, where I sat on one of our lounge chairs in front of the fire, hands resting together, lips pursed. He boyishly peaked his head in and smiled, hopeful that I wasn’t angry with him; I was.
“Hi sweetheart,” he said in a small, panicky voice.
“Rush,” I addressed him.
“I know you’re still mad at me.” He opened the door, pulling his full body inside. “But I bring flowers and countless apologies.” In his left hand, blocked partially by his leg, was a bouquet of wildflowers. The ends were jagged, and some even had the roots still attached.
“You picked them yourself?” How was I supposed to stay mad at someone who tore flowers from the ground to bring me? I took a steady breath and resumed by callous behavior.
“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. He stepped forward and held them out for me. I took them gingerly from his hand, brushing a few clumps of dirt that were still holding onto the roots. He sat on the edge of the circular coffee table in front of me. His elbows rested on his knees, and his hands wrung together nervously. “Sloane, I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “You were right, I wasn’t being good to you, none of us were.
“I hope you don’t even feel like I’ve taken advantage of you because that was never my intention. I know I can seem possessive or dismissive of you, but it’s only because I want to keep you safe and far away from this. I know that’s not right, you clearly showed me that, and I promise, every word of pack news will be heard by us both. No more secrets, no more games.”
I bit my lip, and my hand found Rush’s knee. His hands immediately clasped over it, and he ducked his head.
“I was treating you like my mate, but I wasn’t treating you like my Luna, but after what you did in the training field, there’s no question. I think Casey nearly soiled himself when you ordered us to kneel. But everything you said was true,” he breathed. “I’m so sorry. I know that may seem like a cheap shot right now, but I am…sorry.”
“What do we do?” I asked, snorting air from my nose.
Rush grabbed both of my hands and pressed them into his own. “I want to do something.” He paused and glanced up at my guarded face. “I want to submit to you as my Luna. In front of the entire pack.”
“What?” I tried to pull my hands out of his, but he tugged them back towards him.
“I want your mark on me. I want everyone to know I belong to you just as much as you belong to me. I want everyone to know that we stand as equals.”
“You’re serious?” His answer was instantaneous. “Won’t that be strange? I thought Alphas didn’t submit to anyone.”
“They don’t.” He smiled bittersweetly. “It won’t do anything, per se, but it shows that we’re equals, that we share everything, including our submission to each other.”
“You’ve said this before, Rush.” I sighed, shoulders slumping down towards my chest.
“Hey,” he called softly, reaching forward to lift my chin. “This is just the first step.”
“What’s the next step?” I shook my head, tired of having the same conversation. “We always do this; you apologize, and then a week later, we’re right back here, and I feel like I don’t even make a difference.”
“Sloane,” he sighed, standing up. He walked a few steps back, arms stretched behind his neck. “I honestly don’t know what else to do.”
“How about you stop being an ass? There’s an option.” My eyes rolled as I looked away from Rush.
“I’m not trying to be!” he exclaimed, now facing me. “I’m really not trying to be, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”
We stayed silent for some time, him waiting for me to tell him how to make this up to me, and me waiting for him to realize I couldn’t keep going on this path. I couldn’t imagine what the rest of our life together would be like in this constant cycle of highs and lows.
He let out a large breath and sat on the edge of the bed, arms propping himself up as he leaned back.
“The way we did this last time when you went through the Luna ceremony, it wasn’t right. It was too soon. I should’ve known that. Our pack didn’t know you, hell, I barely knew you. But I want them all to know that I trust you as a decision-maker in this pack.”
“It’s just another ceremony with words that don’t matter.”
“Casey is using some of your ideas for border protection,” he said, looking up at me through his eyelashes. “And Beckett actually pays attention when you talk now. It’s not for nothing.”
“If you think this will help.”
“I do.”
We fell asleep silently next to each other that night, and in the morning, Rush called the pack to assemble. I stood nervously on the staged area, wringing my hands together, pacing the same two-foot space. I glanced over at Rush, talking to his father and Beckett, a short space from the stage, and when I turned my head back, Cordelia was in front of me.
Her smile was unsettling in a space where I had only thought a scowl could exist.
“I’m proud of you,” she praised, running her hands over my shoulders to smooth out my shirt.
“Thanks,” I whispered, not capable of anything more.
“Are you alright?”
“I guess,” I shrugged. “I’m just nervous.”
“About what? I never had the chance to have Hollis submit to me in public.”
“I’ve just never seen this happen before. I don’t really know what to expect.”
“You’ve never seen this done because it’s never been done.” She walked past Rush as he jogged up the stairs towards me.
He nodded
