I wanted to let her know that I was okay and that I wanted her to be happy. To live. To succeed like no other.
So I whispered my wishes and hoped she felt them deep inside.
"I love you, Monica. Be happy. I'm good and I'll always be here for you. I promise."
I watched her looking at herself in the mirror. She closed her eyes as I made my promises and inhaled a deep, fortifying breath before Jonathan quickly made his way inside.
Hunter was right behind him, shaking his head and rolling his eyes, mirth dancing in his irises.
"I swear, that man lives, breathes and fucks Monica Faulkner. As for the rest, he gives zero fucks." Hunter told me as Jonathan explained to Monica that her name was no longer Faulkner but Drazen. And as such, he should be able to find her when looking for her.
"Sorry. I mean, Monica Drazen. I swear, sometimes I think he hears me talking. Like his possessive side goes beyond the realm of mortals." Hunter whispered in my ear.
"It's kinda hot, though. You know?" I responded, watching the way Jonathan worshipped Monica with every one of his senses.
"I'll keep that in mind, angel."
"I think we should give them some privacy. It's about to get nuclear in here." I told him, linking my fingers through his and leading him away from our charges.
"Bet I can make you scream louder than her." And that he did. In a room full of people who could not see us, Hunter made me his for eternity.
Again and again.
Amen.
THE END
Acknowledgements
Writing this book was anything but a piece of cake.
Not the story itself, that was the easy and fun part. But the constant second guessing.
Writing for CD Reiss' world was no easy feat, the pressure was definitely on.
There are a few ladies I need to thank for making this story come to life.
Kerry Heavens....you are one tough bitch but you are my saviour. Thank you!
Jean Siska....your support and input was golden. I could not have done it without out you. Seriously.
Julie Linhart and Lauren Lascola-Lesczynski thank you for putting me on the right path!
My Drazen World Sisters... Kristi Beckhart Book 1- Run and Book 2- Hold, K. Nilson--Improper, Lauren Luman -- Red Velvet, it's an honor to stand by your side.
And of course...a huge, warm, fuzzy, wine induced THANK YOU to the Goddess that made it all possible...This one's for you, Christine.
Author's Note
Depression is a silent, invisible disease. I know, I've been there and it was Hell. For me, for my family, for my friends who all watched powerless as I sank deeper and deeper into some kind of walled up abyss. The worst part is knowing you are sinking and having zero energy left in you to fight it off.
For over a year, I pretended I was fine. I smiled at the right times and laughed on cue. I had a colleague tell me I was the sunshine of our establishment because my smile was so bright.
I was dying inside.
Every day, I would cry going to work....put on a smile, get my job done and then get into my car...then I would cry the whole way going home.
One day, the pressure was too much and I broke down in my boss's office. She told me to go home and didn't go back to work for over six months.
People around you say things like: "Come on, snap out it." or "But you have everything you could need to be happy." These phrases hurt more than they help. Because when you're depressed you know things could be worse and so hearing it from others makes the guilt even stronger thus plunging you deeper into the dark. That's when you stop accepting calls or responding to messages.
Every time the phone rang, I had panic attacks because it meant people on the outside were trying to communicate which, in turn, forced me to have some type of responsibility. I had nothing to give during that time. Nothing.
I couldn't even force myself to go outside onto my terrace. Imagine that...feeling so oppressed from the outside world that the only place I felt safe was inside my home. Alone. Always alone.
Why am I telling you this? Because if someone around you is going through depression, you need to help them by actually listening to them without judgment. Be there for them even if it's by not physically being there. Try to understand that it's not a choice. We do not choose to ball up in a corner and avoid any contact. It just feels safer that way.
If you are experiencing depression, seek out someone to talk to...if you feel you need it and can actually do it.
How did I get out of it? I started writing.
Writing was my sanctuary and over the course of a few months, I started smiling again, albeit tentatively. I cried less into the night. I quit staying up until five in the morning so I could sleep the next day and avoid contact with anyone.
I started living the day I brought to life my characters.
Find something that is only yours: a sport, an art, gardening...anything that makes you feel something other than despair.
I think this is why I was so attracted to Gabby's character. I understood her and I loved her for it.
