Before Screw and Mac left, I made sure they understood how important they were in my life. That I loved them. Both guys blushed so hard I thought they would faint. Screw gathered me into a tight hug and said he’ll make sure my new baby is tuned and ready for me when I get out of here. Mac said he’d come up with the best strategy for the rest of the Impulse Cup. My heart swelled. I don’t know what I would have done with myself if I’d woken up to find out they weren’t in my life anymore. I swallow down the rage bubbling in me caused by the images of the three charred bodies. Brody explained they were Halehorn supporters they intercepted and used as substitutes. I hold on to the small measure of satisfaction that thought brings me.
Ace officially challenged me to a race. I think he was feeling guilty for not being more help throughout this ordeal. I couldn’t blame the guy for wanting to be useful. I considered him a big brother of sorts even if he’s only a year older than me. I sent him home with that ridiculous bear and a stern warning about keeping himself in shape because I’m coming for him. The second I’m up for the last three stages of the IC, he’ll be my main target. He snorted at that, which I expected. We both know it’ll be epic. And we wouldn’t stand for anything less.
My heart is full to bursting with the love and support surrounding me. How could I have been so blinded by my passion for racing not to notice the people around me? They have been quietly loving me while I selfishly pursued a crazy life as a racer. Not anymore. If there’s one thing this experience with Star has taught me, it’s to appreciate my people. My family. With the lives we lead and the city we live in, they can just as easily disappear. I will make sure no harm comes to them. At the same time, they will know how important they are to me. Racing will always be the love of my life, but the people I love will come first. I can live without racing. At least I think I can. Losing the people most precious to me? That I cannot live with. Slipstream’s death affirms that thought. Tears well up at the memory of him. Mac said Mistress Anne buried him at the cemetery within the Open Arms property for unadopted children. I make a mental note to visit him after the doctors discharge me.
A light tap comes from the door. I swipe at the tears and say, “Come in.”
Zamara sticks her beautiful face and that head of curly hair in the door. She notices the dampness on my cheeks immediately and frowns. “Can I come in, or would you like to be alone?”
“Aren’t visiting hours over?” I wave her in.
She settles into the chair Brody called home for however long I’d been sedated and takes one of my hands in both of hers. We lock gazes, and I allow myself to memorize every line on her face. Then she takes my hand and kisses the center of my palm before she places her cheek where her lips have been. Affection spreads across my chest as the first strains of sobbing come from her, and my palm grows damp.
I wait patiently, allowing her to release what I’m sure is months’ worth of worry. She whispers something into my hand. I don’t catch it at first, but soon she speaks loud enough for me to hear her clearly.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m so sorry.” She tilts her head to the side so she’s looking up at me, refusing to remove her face from my hand.
Ignoring the stiffness in my muscles, I bend down and touch my lips to her forehead. When I straighten, I lean heavily against the pillows propped behind me and breathe through the pain. There’s a cut across the left side of my ribs that’s still tender.
After I catch my breath, I ask, “What do you have to apologize for?”
“I shouldn’t have agreed to the plan.” She finally sits up and pulls out a handkerchief from her purse. Like a lady, she dabs at the last of the moisture on her face. Soon the only evidence of her tears is the slight reddening of her nose and swelling around the eyes. “I should have been like Bedlam who fought tooth and nail for you until we had to sedate him. He really loves you, RC.”
Flutters accompany the warmth in my chest. The mention of his name does something to my insides that both elates and scares me. Bedlam. The one constant force in all this. My safety. My sanity. My passion. He puts me above everything.
“He was here every day when you were admitted, refusing to leave your side,” she continues. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
I shake my head. “He’s in a league of his own, isn’t he?”
“I think I knew from the beginning that he will always have a place in your heart. You never look at me the way you look at him.”
Zamara’s words shock me into silence. There’s no denying my feelings for Bedlam. No matter how complicated things got between us, he was always by my side. I stabbed him for crying out loud, and still he watched over me when I insisted on participating in the IC. I’m attracted to Zamara, I won’t deny it. But Bedlam….
Steel enters Zamara’s jade eyes. “But I’m not giving up.”
My jaw drops.
She nods once. “You told me you couldn’t love, that you didn’t know how to. I disagree. I think you always knew how to, you just didn’t understand it at the time. You didn’t hesitate to kill Star even if you knew her death would lead to your own. There would have been
