She spent the next couple of hours unloading the trailer. There wasn’t much to unload and, lucky for her, the cottage had already been furnished. The furniture was old and rickety but it was all they needed. There wasn’t a television anywhere in sight but she felt they could live without one for a while.
As she unpacked a box in the kitchen, a knock came at the door. Sasha knew it must be the inevitable neighbor greeting and put on her best fake smile. She pulled the door open and smiled at the seemingly cheerful woman on her doorstep.
“Hello there, you must be the new lady.” Her New England accent was thick.
“That’s me. My name’s Sasha,” she said, proffering her hand. The woman shook it and gave her a polite smile.
“Gwen,” she responded. Spotting Tara on the couch, she said “Well, hello there little one. What’s your name?”
“Tara,” she said with a frown.
“What’s wrong, dear?”
Tara shrugged and motioned to her tablet. “I can’t get the internet to work.”
Gwen laughed.
“We don’t have a very good signal out here. It’s best if you use a landline if you want to make phone calls or get online. It’s tough on the young ones but that’s how it is.”
Sasha smiled. “I’ll be sure to get that setup. Wouldn’t want her getting bored out here. Not that there’s much to be bored with,” she nervously back peddled on her words, afraid she had offended the woman. “It’s such a lovely town and the view is amazing.”
“Yes, it really is. Well, I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. If you ever need anything, I’m the next house down. It’s a bit of a hike but a nice one. You two should come to the town center tomorrow evening and introduce yourselves. We’re having a nice little fall festival.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Sasha said, though she wasn’t sure if she meant it. Gwen smiled and said her good-byes. Seconds later, she and Tara were alone in their cozy little cottage once again. Things seemed to be going better than Sasha had expected. Her neighbors seemed friendly enough, at least the one she met. Not that it mattered to Sasha. Socializing was the farthest item on her list of things to do. Her depression made it hard to want to get out and make friends. Considering her situation, she wasn’t overly willing to push through those feelings.
But she wondered if it would be good for Tara to get out and meet the people of the town. Maybe there would be some kids she could befriend. She would need them now more than ever. The choice was obvious but she still felt unsure. There were real benefits to getting her daughter out to socialize but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t quiet that voice in her mind that told her to bury her head in the sand. As always, she doubted and second-guessed her own decisions. If she went, she’d spend the whole time wondering if she had said the wrong thing or made herself look foolish. If she didn’t go, she would become paranoid about what the town thought of her. Either way, she couldn’t win. In the end, she had to think going was the better decision.
“Hey, Tara.” She looked at her beautiful daughter sitting on the couch with a frown on her face. “You want to meet everyone tomorrow at a festival?” Tara shrugged. “It might be fun. You might meet a friend there. Maybe even a boyfriend.”
Tara giggled. “Ew, I don’t want a boyfriend.”
Sasha smiled at her daughter’s innocence, knowing one day it would vanish. She wasn’t looking forward to those days and she prayed like hell she never developed the same disorder as her mother. Tara was too precious to suffer such debilitating thoughts. She deserved everything the world had to offer and should never experience pain like Sasha had endured through her life.
Emotions crashed over her like a rogue wave over the bow of a ship. She could feel herself sinking into the low pit of anguish and despair. The fight to suppress was nearly an impossible one. She knew she had to fight back the tears for the sake of her daughter, especially now. Tara finding her in a heap on the kitchen floor would do her no favors. Sasha managed to fight back her feelings and picked up an unpacked box. She headed into the bathroom with the excuse of unpacking.
Once the door was shut, she collapsed on the floor and everything flooded out of her at once. Her ex-husband, uprooting her daughter’s life, the abuse, and her depression all flew through her mind at lightning speed. It played in her mind like a projector playing all her failures and mistakes back to her.
There was no stopping the memories now. The floodgates were open. A particularly nasty memory flashed through her mind and she winced as if in pain. Her husband had broken a beer bottle in the kitchen. The little pieces smashed against the wall and flew in every single direction. Beer dripped down the wall and formed a small puddle on the floor. She found her face crammed against the cold floor only inches from the puddle. She felt disgusting and pathetic as he had his way with her. All she could to not lose her mind was watch as the beer dripped down the wall until it was over. When he was finished, he told her to clean up the mess. Even now, she was unsure if he had meant the glass bottle and beer-stained wall or the disgusting substance his small member had left behind. Either way, she had done both.
Naturally, the memory only made her cry more. Even after leaving and getting far away from home, she couldn’t stop feeling as if she had deserved it. After all, he would
