Instead, she had surrounded herself with her ministers and was wearing one of her finest Court dresses—a stiff, jeweled one he knew she hated because it was so uncomfortable.
But apparently not as uncomfortable as being alone with him.
“Of course, Commander Ty’rial. You are always welcome in our royal presence.” Ellina inclined her head gracefully, her face perfectly blank. “Was there anything you wished to tell us before you go? We are listening.”
She’s even using the royal “We,” Ty thought sadly. Truly, Ellina was putting every barrier between them that she could. Probably because he’d already hurt her once and she didn’t want to be hurt again.
“I just wanted to say…”
Just wanted to say that I DO want to be your consort—that I want to love you and hold you and keep you safe forever. That I never want to leave your side.
But what came out of his mouth was,
“I just wanted to say that it has been a great honor and privilege serving you, Your Majesty.”
“We thank you for your kind words, Commander Ty’rial. And we wish you a very safe and happy voyage home.” Ellina nodded regally once more. “Please give my thanks and regards to your superior, Commander Sylvan.”
“Of course,” Ty said dully. “I will indeed, Your Majesty.”
“Well then, if there is nothing else, you may be dismissed.” Was Ellina’s voice slightly choked? Ty didn’t know but he did think her third eye or umlu looked suspiciously bright. He remembered her telling him that only when a Chorkay experienced great sorrow and loss did tears come from the third eye.
Tell her! shouted a little voice in his head. Tell her how you really feel!
But how did he feel for her? Was the desperate love and loss that threatened to overwhelm him only due to his altered DNA and rigorous early training? Did he only wish to pleasure and serve her always because he was thinking of her as his “Mistress”—one who must be served at all costs? Such blind devotion caused by his own genes and background couldn’t be true love, could it?
Ty wished he knew. And he also wished he could tell what Ellina herself was feeling. If only he still had their chewchie-guided link, he would know. But since Tisa had put the barrier between their minds, he couldn’t feel anything coming from the Potentate.
In fact, he didn’t even know where Tisa was at the moment. Hiding, he suspected, somewhere back in the royal apartments. Hiding so she wouldn’t have to go with him.
His heart was torn at the thought—never had he formed an emotional bond so quickly with another being—not even Ellina. But he couldn’t blame the little chewchie for wanting to stay on her native planet and be with her mate. At least she would have Lor. And maybe she could help ease some of the ache of his leaving for Ellina.
He bowed once more, silently, and turned to go. With every step towards the grand gold double doors at the end of the audience chamber, he wished she would stop him. Every step he took that put distance between them was like another stone piled on his already-heavy heart.
But even if my past didn’t stand between us and she asked me to stay, I couldn’t, he told himself. For how could I ever give her what she needs to rule successfully? How could I give her a Sacred Blue daughter—an heir?
The answer was he couldn’t, of course. So Ty made himself keep going until he had passed through the tall golden doors and heard them close behind him. When they did, he knew he was really leaving—knew there was no longer any going back.
His throat burned with regret but he kept his head high as he walked away, leaving the female he had sworn to protect alone.
He supposed he would never see her again.
* * * * *
Ellina waited until the golden doors to the audience chamber clanged shut before she practically leapt from the golden throne. She had to get out of here now—before she lost it! Her eyes were burning—all three of them—and her throat was tight with unshed tears.
“My Lady, are you all right?” It was Captain Kiyda—the head of her new Royal Guard and he had a concerned look on his face.
“Fine, I’m fine,” she managed to get out in a choked voice. “I just need…need to go back to my apartments for a little while.”
“But Your Majesty, we have much business to get through this morning,” one of her ministers protested. “Why the paperwork alone—”
“I said I must go!” Ellina exclaimed, too upset to be properly decorous, as she knew she was meant to be while in the Court. “I…I will return shortly,” she added, to the shocked minister who was looking at her as though she’d grown a second head. “Forgive me. I am…unwell.”
“I will escort Your Majesty,” Captain Kiyda said diplomatically.
“Yes…yes, of course.” Ellina nodded distractedly. “Thank you, Captain.”
“It is always my pleasure to serve the Goddess in the Flesh,” he responded as he escorted her from the audience chamber and back towards the royal apartments.
It was a proper response—formal and respectful—but his very presence at her elbow reminded Ellina of what she had lost.
She missed having Ty in that place by her side—missed his tall form and the comforting muscular bulk of his big Kindred body. She missed having to look up to talk to him and having him bend down to her to speak back. She missed his scent—that dark, spicy masculine musk that made her think of home and safety for some reason. She missed his deep voice in her ears and the feel of his arms around her as he told her he cared
