I try to get up, get off the thin bed and maybe make my way outside, but I feel so dizzy I have to lay straight back down again.
I hear Sean coming back in again, it sounds like he’s talking to someone, but once he pokes his head around the door frame I can see he’s alone.
I give a tiny wave with one hand, pull a small smile and then start to mouth the words ‘I’m sorry’. My standard response to anything in life.
All my fault. Don’t mind me, total disaster area coming through.
But Sean doesn’t see it that way, and I start to wonder if eating something might make me feel a little better. The sight of the baloney sandwich he’s holding on a plate makes me almost forget about everything else I want him to do to me.
Almost.
He’s talking as I eat it, and it’s gone in three bites, which makes Sean caution me a little as I gulp down the juice too.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, feeling much better, but also feeling like I want a real meal now.
Sean breaks out into a smile, slapping his hands onto his thighs as he shakes his head.
“Alright, now just wait a few minutes and see how you feel. If you still feel up to it, we can go over and have some more to eat at the mess hall… As long as it’s not roast beef.”
While we wait to see how I feel, he asks me why I chose summer camp instead of something else for my break after college.
I can’t afford Europe.
I have a crush on the camp counselor from my youth.
I’m really not sure.
All three are bad answers, but I find myself feeling bold enough to say something about the second one.
“There was this guy once…” I start to say and I feel my face fall as Sean’s gets this harder look in his eyes.
“He was a counselor…” I continue, hoping he’ll catch on, but he thinks I’m talking about someone else and it’s making him mad. Jealous as hell by the looks of it.
That makes me kinda happy, but it’s not the effect I’m going for here.
“Do you want to know his name?” I ask, trying my best to sound seductive.
“Not really.” Sean almost snarls, trying to force politeness but standing up to leave, signaling he’s done here.
Done with me and my lover boy from the past. I sit in shock for a moment. Not comprehending how this has gone south so quickly.
I was trying to be cute.
I’m trying to be funny.
“It was you. Sean? It’s you,” I murmur, but his back has disappeared through the doorway.
I don’t think he heard me but I do hear the front door of the infirmary slam shut, making me feel worse than ever, but at the same time a little tingle of excitement flutters inside me at the prospect that he’d be jealous of someone else. Even though my secret crush has been him all along.
I leap off the narrow exam table, swiping the stupid paper sheet off my butt that’s stuck to me and I rush out after him, wanting to call out but casually making like I’m going over to the mess hall, just like we discussed.
I see him storming off, away from the mess hall so I do call out after him. I don’t want him to be mad a second longer, plus I don’t know my way around this side of the camp.
“Sean! It was you… you’re that counselor I had a crush on.”
I have a crush on…
He stops dead in his tracks, his head tilting to one side. I feel my heart speeding up again, sensing the same rush of fearful anticipation I’ve had all morning. That same damn feeling that made me faint just being in his company.
He turns slowly, his lip curled up into a sly grin.
“Really?” I hear him growl. And as much as I feel like running over to him, having him scoop me up in his arms again, I decide to play it cool. As cool as I can anyway.
I’m still not sure if he has anyone either, and if he does, I’ll just die now, right here on the spot.
“Really,” I say softly, taking the wider path around him, straight to the mess hall.
I hear his footfalls on the gravel behind me, getting quicker before I reach the double doors and I can see him in the window behind me, smiling as his huge arm reaches out to get the door for me.
“So…” he announces cheerfully, smiling again and holding the door, waving me in with his whole arm, “…tell me all about this ancient crush of yours…” as we both instantly forget how mad he got just now, the very idea I could’ve been interested in somebody else.
Still like a fish out of water, I watch as Sean prepares us both a real meal. A couple of steaks and a big helping from a huge tub of potato salad.
I had the sandwich, but my mouth’s watering watching the meat sizzle on the industrial sized grill.
“Well?” he asks me sternly, “I wanna hear all about this guy…” he says, but instead of feeling like I can tell him how I feel today, I feel stupid again, like I did just now when I fainted.
“I’m sure your wife wouldn’t want to hear about all your teenage crushes… you must’ve had dozens over the years.” I venture, but Sean shakes his head, licking some mayonnaise off his thumb.
“Not at all. And I’m not married.” He says pointedly, holding out both his hands flat to show me.
“See? No rings, not even a friendship band,” he adds and we both laugh a little.
I feel like I just won the lottery and now it’s Sean’s turn to act cool, to play the starring role in our little play.
“So, there’s been no one else?” he asks, his voice getting softer, more sincere.
I shake my head.
“I haven’t spent the years
