I wasn’t relieved to see Sanrin.
I was suspicious, and I kept my blade at the ready.
“Where have you been?” I asked. “And why are you here now?”
“Because you asked to see me,” Sanrin said with the faintest tremor in his words. “Byron passed on your message to his handler. Who, I might add, is a trusted ally, though not a member of our clan.”
That explanation didn’t set my mind at ease at all. If I hadn’t caught Byron and told him to demand a meeting for me, I’d still be alone. My disappointment with the clan and its elders only grew.
“You should’ve told me you were leaving,” I said. “Or taken me with you. I had to hear the bad news from the dragons.”
Sanrin sighed and folded his hands inside the sleeves of his robes. He leaned back against my closet door and summoned a ball of jinsei to bring light into my room. He met my gaze, and I saw the deep abiding weariness that had settled upon him.
“When did you become so distrustful of me?” the elder asked. “After all I’ve done—”
An ugly torch of rage kindled inside me, and memories of all the things that had happened before I’d been welcomed into the clan came back in a rush. My first year at the School of Swords and Serpents had been a living hell. My own clanmates had tried to kill me, not once, but twice.
“My mistake isn’t being suspicious of you now,” I said. “Maybe it was ever trusting you at all.”
Sanrin’s scowl deepened, and the weight of his power and disapproval fell on me. His core was stronger than mine, that was true, but I had advantages he didn’t. There was a moment when it seemed as if we might find out which one of us was the better fighter. Then his shoulders slumped, and he shook his head in disappointment.
“I explained the clan’s reasons for moving against you,” he whispered. “Your brash actions during that first year caught us all off guard. No one foresaw what would happen when you reached your full potential. We worried your power would endanger the clan. Those shameful errors in judgment will haunt me for the rest of my days, however few of those remain. I had thought this was behind us, but I see you’re still troubled by the past.”
Sanrin’s attempt to explain why he’d wanted me dead brought the black light back to my eyes. The fact that he believed my distrust was about our past added fuel to my anger.
“You disappeared and took the whole clan with you.” I raised the blade to emphasize the point. “You left me alone out here. I had no handler, no way to reach you if I needed help. Why would I trust someone who’d abandon me like that?”
Sanrin took a step forward, then froze when my fusion blade’s tip followed him. He raised both hands, showing he meant no harm, and stepped back against the wall. A pained expression crossed his features, and his voice was choked with emotion when he spoke again.
“Hirani is dead,” he said. “Hagar is missing, as is Brand. Heretics intercepted and captured Claude during a covert mission. Countless other members vanished in the night a month ago. We still don’t know what happened to them. I took all who remained into hiding with me.”
Hearing Sanrin confirm the horrible casualties the dragon had warned me about stoked the fires of my anger. Knowing that he’d put me on the bench during the clan’s darkest time of need turned my stomach. With my techniques and unique powers alongside the elders’, things might have gone very differently. Hirani had always been so kind to me. Her death was almost more than I could bear.
“You should have told me.” I lowered the tip of my blade. The conversation had left me too exhausted and frustrated to brandish it any longer. “I could have—”
Sanrin’s eyes widened and silver light spilled from their pupils. The burning fire of his core transformed his face into a shining skull. The terrible toll this ordeal had taken on him hadn’t diminished his strength, but it had cost him more than I’d imagined possible.
“You could have what? Died?” Sanrin’s voice had dropped to a deathly whisper. “After the Gauntlet, I knew our enemies would move against us. I begged the dragons to protect you, Jace. Leaving you here at the School was the safest choice.”
That explained why the negotiations with the Scaled Council had been so difficult. Sanrin hadn’t been satisfied with fostering the hollows. He’d bartered for my protection rather than shield the clan. It made no sense.
“Why?” The price Sanrin had paid for my safety was too high. He’d sacrificed a golden opportunity to protect the clan in exchange for a single life. “You should have forged an alliance with the dragons.”
“That would never happen,” Sanrin said. “The dragons are at peace with us, but they have no interest in our politics. They’ve seen clans fall before. To such long-lived creatures, this conflict is no more than a single skipped beat in a song older than time.”
“I’m grateful to be alive, but not for all the lives you’ve laid at my feet.” I banished my blade and sat down on the edge of my bed. “How can I ever trust you again? You gave me no choice in any of this.”
“It is not your place to question the judgment of your clan elders.” Sanrin’s voice was clipped and sharp. “Your safety is paramount, Jace. No sacrifice was too great to protect you. Because, though you did not deign to tell me, the Flame has charged you with a great
