Even though it’s making me want to throw up.
I close my eyes. I don’t have long.
Today.
I will die today.
Without ever seeing my family again.
My eyes pop open. I have to see my family again. I cannot die without it.
What the hell have I done?
I’m not even thinking straight, I probably wasn’t when Sadie asked me the question, and now my head is full of white noise, and I’m running down the bottom of the garden, magicking the gate open, and running through it.
I don’t even have to think about going home, my feet know the way. I’m so focussed on going home, on seeing my family, that somehow I know what to do. I know how to make myself invisible to them. I do it, and I run around the back and in through the doors, before even checking that there’s nobody in the room who I might scare with the doors suddenly swinging open.
Luckily the room is empty, and I’m crying with relief and sadness and upset, and I may never get up off the floor where I’ve collapsed into a crumpled heap.
Then the door opens, and my dad walks in, and I am filled with such a wave of love that I almost make myself visible again and run to him. I wish I was a kid again, where running into my dad’s arms and feeling him cuddle me would make everything better. I know it won’t; it would probably give him a heart attack.
He’s so lovely. He pulls a drawer out of the fridge, chatting to the dead person as he does so. And I’m crying even more.
How can I die and live without him, my mum, Isaac, Fletcher?
I can’t.
Fletcher will just have to undo it. I’ll tell him, and he’ll save me.
Maybe we can go back in time again, change Sadie’s mind, save me and everyone else.
But I know we can’t.
I already read it in the rules. We can’t go back and change time again. Be careful when you meddle, it’s a one-time thing. Stupid rules.
I am hopeless and helpless and kicking myself for being so ridiculously selfless when nobody was even there to witness it. What is wrong with me?
Sacrificing myself for the greater good, certainly doesn’t sound like me.
I look at my dad, whistling as he works, and I am filled with love for him. Is this why I did it? Would I rather die than watch my family die?
Of course. Most people would.
But how did it come to this?
I’m not even a part of this supernatural world, having this epic species war, and suddenly dying so that everybody else can live.
That does not sound right!
As soon as I leave here, I’ll speak to Fletcher. His mum can go through their dark and scary and ancient old book and find something that will keep me alive. Or the creatures will just have to live with me being their head witch.
I don’t want to die.
The door opens and Isaac barrels in. My dad puts a finger to his lips. He always makes sure we are quiet and respectable and dignified anytime we are in the funeral parts of our home.
I ache to reach out and hug my annoying little brother.
Yes, Fletcher will have to fix this. I had no choice but to accept Sadie’s terms. But I don’t want to die. There must be something we can do.
Maybe the creatures will all accept us keeping our power over them if it means I don’t have to die. Most of them are pretty normal – they’re not all maniacs like Zeta. Or Efa. Or Layland. Or Peri. Or...
Breathe.
I watch my family and slow my breathing right down.
My mum comes in, and I shuffle across the floor, lean against the wall and watch them.
I just watch them, like I never usually would have to watch them.
I watch the way my mum tucks her hair behind her ear, the way my dad’s tongue pokes out when he concentrates, the energy that fizzes out of Isaac, even when he’s standing still.
I watch them be a family. Without me.
And I have to cover my mouth so they don’t hear me crying.
It hurts how much I love them, how much I miss them, how much I wish they could comfort me after all I’ve been through since I left them to go on my imaginary trip to Paris. I want my dad to hug me, my mum to reassure me and stroke my hair, I want my brother to aggravate me.
I want this complete mess to be over with, and me alive at the end.
I’m ready to go. To leave them to their day and beg Fletcher and his mum to fix this shit storm I’ve started.
Damn Sadie.
Damn going back in time.
Damn witches and vampires and shifters and fairies and their stupid power play and their stupid war.
Damn Macaroon. Oh, I wonder where she is and if she’s okay, naughty little puppy.
I wipe my eyes and drink in the sight of my lovely, lovely family one more time.
Fletcher will sort this. Or his mother. Or Ember. Or the hive mind of the witches. Somebody.
I just need to tell them.
Fun!
I know Fletcher will be angry with me. His mum might be too. His aunt hates me anyway, but hopefully she’s still off on her errand and I won’t have to face her until it’s all fixed.
They’ll be able to fix it. I’m sure.
I have to wait for my family to leave the room before I can leave the house, and then I duck outside. I shut the door and just leave my hand on there for a moment. It won’t be long, and this will all be over.
I will not think of dying. We’ve been back in time, for crying out loud, there must be something we can do to keep me alive. I’m just one little witch.
I stand beside the door, itching to go back in, desperate to put off telling Fletcher what
