“Hollis, I’m sor—”
She shakes her head, and I get the point before she even has to ask. I’m always apologizing for him. That needs to stop, and it stops here.
14
Hollis
I’m not the kind of girl who has, well, girl kinda problems.
I’ve had seven major crushes in my life, and six boyfriends to complete them. Granted, the first four were all before fifth grade, but still, they count. I mean, it’s hard to resist the girl who always gets picked first in dodgeball; at least, it used to be. That’s all it took for me to make Ridge Howard, Miguel Velasquez, Shawn Sutter and Logan Sutter—that’s right, both Sutter brothers—declare their love for me in the good ole days of elementary school.
My freshman year was all about Angus Lowenstein. He was smart, and completely unlike my usual type. He was into theater, and even convinced me to try out for the high school musical with him. He got the lead. I got cut. (Newsflash: I can’t sing worth a damn.) It didn’t matter, though, because Angus was perfection in the boyfriend department and on the stage. He was also gay. When I told him I didn’t mind, he explained that the problem was dating me kinda got in the way of him being his true self. He’s studying in France now, and he’s got a French boyfriend who isn’t vague or grumpy or mixed up in messy family drama that involves my dad’s coaching and my passion for the game. Nope, Angus is in a normal, healthy relationship where everyone knows exactly where they stand and who they are. In essence, he’s still perfect.
And this brings me to my two most recent crushes. Jordan was mutual love in every single way, except for the part where his father tried to intimidate me into quitting by locking me in the basement of my school and Jordan refused to stand up to him about it. I recently stopped blaming Jordan, and I have the Cannon situation to thank for that. Going against your family isn’t easy, and in many ways, it feels impossible. That’s basically what I asked Jordan to do when the Dean of Students called everyone in for interviews after the basement incident. I asked Jordan to turn on his dad, and despite the broken relationship he had with his father, the thought of severing it completely was too much. His lack of testimony was enough to give the powers that be at Xavier an excuse to not do a damn thing except, of course, fire my dad.
And now I’m looking to Cannon to do something very similar, to step away from blindly supporting his cousin to stand with me instead. He seems so willing, and yet I know the damage this will do to his relationship with his cousin and probably his uncle too. Maybe even his dad. I’m not sure making out with me in a mom van is truly worth the sacrifice.
“So, let me make sure I got this straight. You brought Zack cupcakes even though he’s a dickhead and he threw them away—because he’s a dickhead.” June takes a bite of her carrot while her eyes stare at my lunch tray as though she’s reading notes to help her process the facts about my screwed up life.
“Yes, that pretty much sums it up,” I agree.
“And Cannon called him out on it, but you guys aren’t a thing, or maybe you are, you don’t know, but you’ve made out twice.” She snaps another bite, her eyes still focused on my tray.
“Three times, actually, if you count New Year’s.”
“Oh, you always count New Year’s,” June says through a devious laugh. She takes a deep breath and tosses what’s left of her carrot into the open cup of ranch, then pushes her tray to the middle of the table, folds her arms, and sets her gaze on me.
“That’s pretty much it,” I say, reaching to her tray and commandeering the leftover ranch. I flick the carrot out of the cup and dip the crust of my pizza in to see if that will make this poor excuse for a slice of pie any better. She wrinkles her nose and tells me I’m gross.
It’s actually better this way, but no matter what I dip this crap in, it’s still not New York pizza.
“I’m not seeing the problem. Lola?” June looks to her friend, who still owes me some beachy waves.
Lola sucks up the last few drops of her smoothie while she shakes her head, her lips puckered around the straw.
“There’s no problem. And you totes know I think Cannon is an asshole. But it sounds like he’s actually being kind of chivalrous.”
I knit my brow at Lola’s odd word choice.
“She’s reading Canterbury Tales in English. Excuse her obsession with knights in shining armor,” June explains.
“Mmm, armor,” Lola adds, swiveling side-to-side in her seat, her lips curled coyly beneath her dreamy eyes. I half expect a white horse with a knight riding on top to bust through the cafeteria doors and whisk her away.
“I know he’s being a good guy, and doing the right things, but I still feel like—”
“Like the house of cards is going to collapse at any moment,” June finishes for me.
I look down and consider her visual, quickly deciding she’s right. And that I’m probably not being fair, but I’ve watched cards fall before.
“I do. His uncle is the kind of loud guy who refuses to back off quietly. And his son is an apple that did not fall far from the tree. Zack is not going to like me—ever. He’s never going to think I deserve anything I earn, and Cannon is trapped right between us, fruitlessly trying to convince him otherwise. And maybe—”
June cuts me off, drawing a line
