Oh, I’m not going to just get a couple of cookies, thought Jillian and almost laughed that exploding snort laugh again.
“Hmm, I guess you’re right,” said Jillian.
There was silence for a minute.
When the minute was up, Jillian said, “Can you, um, answer calls for me while I’m gone? I’m going to run out to the Walgreens real quick.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Megan. Jillian left with her purse and Megan sat in her chair with a “What the fuck?” face.
As soon as she shut the door, Jillian let the laugh out and doubled over a little bit, then straightened out and sighed. “I didn’t really need to bend over like that,” she said to the empty hallway. “Just felt like it.”
“Did you know that Walgreens has home-baked cookies?” Jillian said in the grocery aisle at the Walgreens. “Incredible.”
I want to make sure I’m fully stocked, she thought. She thumbed through the cookies, which were the size of compact discs and individually wrapped in cellophane. Peanut butter, peanut butter M&M, sugar M&M, oatmeal raisin, chocolate nut. Guess I should get one of each. But maybe two chocolate nut. There came that old laugh again, because it was she who was the real nut. She looked to the side. Good that no one was there.
But maybe she needed something else. Oh my god, Pop-Tarts were on sale. Those would make a good lunch. Something salty. Hey, these nuts are smoked. That sounds like a health nut thing. Megan was such a health nut! Then that damn laugh again. Two Paydays, because they were on sale, and then a bottle of water. Yeah, today seemed like a water day. Evian. Oh, cool, they have little Crystal Lights right in the water fridge. Cool. Jillian took her armload up to the cashier and felt that laugh bubbling up in her chest again. And it felt good to suppress, too, that was how fun the laugh was.
She bent over the counter and slowly unfolded her arms, letting the snacks tumble out in front of the cashier. “Didn’t want to drop any of it,” said Jillian.
“All right, sweetie,” said the cashier.
“She called me sweetie because I was getting all these sweets,” said Jillian in the parking lot. Jillian was carrying the plastic shopping bag close to her chest, as if there were no bag. “This is my catch,” she said. “Pretty good haul.”
Whaaat, thought Megan when Jillian got back to the office with her enormous sack of cookies.
“Hey, girl,” said Jillian. “Did you know they have individual Crystal Lights right by the water in the fridge section of Walgreens?”
“What is crystal light?” said Megan. Sounds like a kind of PCP.
“This is Crystal Light, you nut,” said Jillian, reaching into the sack. She held the marker-sized tube of flavored sugar up to her face and shook it. “It’s good.”
“What is it, sugar?” asked Megan.
“Yeah, kind of.” Jillian sat down and began to spread out her bounty. Megan tried to breathe and just let the universe be and not get involved and not worry about it and just mind her own business and do her job and stuff.
Jillian cracked the Evian, emptied two Crystal Lights into it, and then shook the bottle. It really felt like she was making lunch or something. She set the bottle at a particular distance from her mouse pad and then put the Pop-Tarts and some of the cookies in her file cabinet drawer. This really feels like I’ve got a stash supply, she thought. She unwrapped the cookie and put as much of it in her mouth as she could and then started laughing.
What the fuck? thought Megan.
Ha ha ha, this cookie is hilarious for some reason, thought Jillian. Mmm, and so good. You know, I heard somewhere that, like, carbs and sugar and stuff can give you a power burst for work. She finished the cookie, washed it down with Crystal Light, and then tested her theory.
“Oh yeah,” she said. This works great.
“Oh yeah what?” said Megan.
“Huh?” said Jillian.
“You just said ‘Oh yeah.’”
“Oh, you know me, I was just talking out loud.”
Now that’s how you tempt me, Jillian, if you want to know how to really tempt me, if you want to be some kind of a temptress for me.
But don’t say it.
Jillian started typing rapidly.
Don’t say that she means to say “thinking out loud,” that the expression is “thinking out loud” and that that’s what talking is, communicating or thinking out loud. Talking is always out loud.
Then Jillian started making reminder calls.
Unless it’s like money talks or body language.
“Oh, hi! This is Jillian calling from Dr. Schraeder’s office! Yeah! Ha ha ha ha, yuh-huh, sure is! I’m just calling to remind you you have a, um, a colonoscopy appointment for next week. Oh yeah, well, we look forward to seeing you then. Ha ha, okay, you too!”
Jillian was using the baby voice and continued laughing after she hung up the phone.
Today is great. Jillian was still floating along. Talking to people is a lot of fun. “Megan, we are so lucky, did you know that?”
“What, you mean to be Americans or something?”
“No, silly. Our jobs. I love my job so much. I just love it here so much. We are so lucky. We could be working at, you know, a steel mill or something. Sorting grommets. But we have it so nice here. Everyone is so nice here.”
Megan turned around and said, “I don’t think I would ever work at a steel mill, Jillian.”
Jillian reached into her file cabinet and brought out a packet of Pop-Tarts.
“Oh, yeah, but you know what I mean.” Jillian’s eyes widened, “Mmmm,” she sighed. “Oh man, these are so good.”
“Pop-Tarts?”
“You want one? They come in packs of two,” said Jillian.
“Yeah, I know. But I’m fine with the salad I brought.”
God, what? Megan turned around and looked at the colon of a healthy fifty-year-old woman. It was pink and
