When they turned into the dirt road to her mama’s house, Lilly took a deep breath and pulled her lips into a smile. She stepped out of the car in front of the big old wood framed house that had been her childhood home. The cold, moist air of the bayou town was welcomed, it allowed her to cover her bruises with a turtle neck sweater.
By late afternoon, her facial muscles ached from forcing a smile. She couldn’t fake it much longer. ‘I need to talk to mama,’ she thought. ‘Maybe, this time, she will understand. Maybe mama could tell her what to do.’
After dinner, when mama headed to the back porch for a cigarette, Lilly joined her for a private moment. She didn’t know how to approach the topic, so she blurted out with a sob, “I don’t know what to do, mama! No matter how hard I try, nothing I do pleases Alex.”
Her mother grimaced, grabbed Lilly’s arm and spoke harshly in her face, “You have always been headstrong. When your married, you have to listen to what your husband says. Are you keeping the house clean? Do you cook decent meals for him? Do you open your legs willingly?”
Lilly leaned away from her mother’s grip and spoke softly, “Of course I do Ma. I want to have a good marriage. I don’t know what I have done to change his love for me into hate.”
“I find that hard to believe, Lilly. You never wanted to cooperate or do a damn thing to help out when you were living here.”
Lilly ignored the tears burning her eyes and spoke in a hushed voice, “You don’t understand, Ma, Alex is scaring me. One minute he’s whispering sweetly in my ear, the next he is backhanding me and throwing me around the room. I’m scared.”
Her mother took a long drag from her cigarette, flicked the ash off and quietly commented, “If you ask me, he has good cause to try to knock some sense into you, God knows we never could.”
Lilly ignored the mocking tone in her mama’s voice and tried to get through to her. “Do you remember how daddy could see the colored light around people and animals? I could see them too. The brightness around Alex was what attracted me to him. He shone like a gemstone with yellow and ruby red light all around him. The last time I saw his colors, they swirled wildly, muddy colored and filled with holes. I don’t know what’s happened. I’m worried about him, and I am afraid.”
“Oh, Lilly, are you still talking that craziness about the colors around people? Your dad was nuts, and so are you.”
“Mama, you remember the long talks we had about the people in town and the colors around them. You were there. Why do you think I’m crazy all of a sudden?”
“Oh, it’s not all of a sudden. I thought your dad was nuts and, sadly, you inherited his peculiarity.”
“You never said anything like that when he was with us. We use to laugh and share and….”
“Lilly, he was a good man. He was paying the bills. His wood carvings brought in good money, and his fishing skills were legendary. He treated us good. I didn’t want to mess that up. I always thought he was nuts. It was a disappointment when you turned out as crazy as he was.”
“His family was a real doozy too. I met them once, when I was pregnant with you. After I met them and saw what they were, I was worried about having a child with him.”
“You met his family? I never knew!”
“Oh, yeah! He took me out to the bayou bungalows. I have never met a stranger bunch of bayou trash in my whole life. Your daddy and his sister, Pearl, were the only members of the family anywhere near normal. That should tell you something.”
Salty rivulets seeped out of Lilly’s eyes, burning her cheeks. She hung her head, her hair falling over her face.
“Don’t go getting all sulky on me. Thank God you never met the rest of the relatives.”
“I did meet them, mama. We visited them several times when daddy and I were out fishing. I thought they were magical.”
“There you go with the magic nonsense. They were trash, crazy trash. Some of them were downright mean, crazy trash. Don’t be fooled by their sweet smiles and shining eyes. They have no scruples. Their hearts and minds are foreign, lacking humanity.”
“Once your daddy was dead, I thought I could knock that nonsense out of you. Bring you into some sort of; I don’t know, regular sense about things. It looks like blood won out. It seems I failed because you are as looney as he was. Messing up your good marriage cause Alex’s colors are off.’ Chances are, you’re sick in the head?”
“No need to worry Ma, Alex has accomplished what you and Rex couldn’t. I don’t see the colors anymore. I am blind to them.”
Her mother smiled, “I told you he would be good for you. There is hope yet.”
Lilly’s hand flew to her chest. She stepped away from her mother, her mind opening like an old cupboard door. Childhood memories poured from the dark, dusty shelves in the recesses of her mind. Scenes of violence surfaced. Images of her stepfather, Rex, appeared, a dark red cloud of fire swirling around him, as he cursed and beat her with a leather strap. Mama stood beside him, her shrieking accusations, providing lightning sharp strikes to the thunderous blows. Lilly’s body flinched as the vivid memories bore down on her.
How could she
