He fought the urge to haul her close—to make her flush, to make that serenity flare in a burst of satisfaction. He ached to see her shudder, to hear her scream as ecstasy overcame her. He wanted her warm and soft and smiling, no more cool, fragile façade. That first kiss had given him the briefest hint of what pleasure they could find together and had seared his nerve endings. He wanted to crack her open and release the warmth he was now certain was at her core.
They’d effectively laughed their way back down the aisle with an intimacy built on something other than physical. It had rendered him unable to resist the need to kiss her the way he’d ached to—stealing that third kiss to feel the heat of her response.
Now she was attempting to rebuild her personal barriers, to hide the fiercely deep feelings she didn’t want to express. But she wasn’t going to be able to deny them for too much longer. He’d felt the ferocity of her fire.
‘I’m sorry about the article,’ she said quietly, sidestepping his question.
‘Your cousins.’ He knew the one she meant. ‘They said you ghosted them,’ he said. ‘That you emotionally shut them out.’ He watched her expression stiffen and strove to reassure her. ‘Hester, I of all people know not to believe everything I read in the media.’
‘But it’s true.’ She lifted her chin but didn’t meet his eyes. ‘I did.’
Defensiveness radiated from every pore and his arms ached with the urge to hold her close.
‘I’m sure you had good reason to,’ he said carefully.
Now liquid gleamed in her eyes and smote his heart.
‘It was silly, wasn’t it? To have expected them to care for me, just because of blood.’
He took in what she’d said. They hadn’t cared for her—they hadn’t wanted her. And she’d been so unhappy she’d run away and locked herself in that ivory tower at the university. Quietly assisting students who lived fuller lives and cared less for their studies than she did.
‘I didn’t think they’d speak to the press.’ Her whisper rushed. ‘I thought inviting them would…’ She shook her head. ‘I should have known better.’
‘They’ve gone the “friend of the family” route,’ he said, cynically aware of how the media worked. ‘So they can say it wasn’t them.’
‘But it was.’ She looked at him directly and he saw the hurt she’d tried to bury. ‘I’m sorry if they’ve caused problems.’ She pressed her lips together. ‘Do I have to see them?’
‘There’s a receiving line.’ He nodded. ‘There’ll be other eyes and ears but no cameras. We’ll keep them moving quickly. I’ll be on one side of you. Fi will be on the other.’
‘She’s been wonderful today.’
‘She understands what it’s like.’ Alek nodded, but the strain was still etched on her face.
‘She said she wants to stay in the States,’ she murmured.
He let her lead the distraction, realising she needed it. ‘Yes. I want her to do whatever she wants. She seemed distracted, said it’s because she’s thinking of doing postgraduate study.’
‘She’s super capable,’ Hester agreed softly before turning her gaze back on him. ‘What would you have chosen?’ She inched closer. ‘To do, I mean.’
‘The crown chose me, Hester. That’s why we’re here.’
‘But if you were free? If you didn’t have to be a full-time royal?’
The wildness clawing inside him soothed a little under her gaze. He’d always wanted Fi to have the freedom he couldn’t have. It was the sacrifice he’d made and he didn’t regret it. What he regretted right now was the tension lingering around Hester’s beautiful eyes. He never talked about all this impossibility; there was no point. But he desperately needed to stop thinking about kissing her. Distraction from difficulty was always good. And he needed to distract her too. Because that was what she was really asking him to do. So he did.
‘I wanted to study medicine,’ he blurted.
‘You wanted to be a doctor?’ Her jaw dropped and as she snapped it shut a frown furrowed her brow. ‘How was that going to work?’
‘I know, right? The idealism of youth.’ He shook his head.
‘It was a good ideal.’ She curled her hand on his arm. ‘You would have been—’ She shook her head and broke off. ‘What stopped you?’
‘My father.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘I didn’t ever think he’d disapprove of such a worthy profession, right? Literally trying to save people’s lives.’
‘You wanted to save lives?’
Dredging this up was infinitely preferable to facing the unrequited lust shivering through him like a damn fever. And thinking of this made him feel nothing but cold.
‘I watched cancer slowly suffocate my mother, stealing her vitality and joy. It was horrendous and there was nothing I could do to help her. I hated feeling so inept. I never wanted to feel that useless again.’ He glossed over the most painful memories of his life. ‘And honestly, I liked science. But my father didn’t think I could get the grades—before Mother got sick I’d pretty much mucked around.’
He’d not discussed his mother’s death with anyone, ever. Yet it was somehow easier to talk about this than acknowledge the storm of emotion swirling within him. And Hester was in a realm of her own now in his life. Maybe he was a fool but he felt he could trust her. Besides, she’d lost both her parents and that was a pain he couldn’t imagine.
‘What happened to her motivated me. I wanted to make a difference and I finally got my head together. I was so proud when I got the grades that guaranteed my entry into medical school. I presented them to him. I thought he’d be proud too.’
‘But he wasn’t?’ she whispered.
Her words somehow pushed aside the mocking self-pity to salve the true hurt beneath. He’d laughed it off to himself in recent years, but it had never really been a joke. It had broken his heart.
‘He said
