BLYTHE
“What’s up, bitches?” I have a big smile on my face.
“What the fuck, B?” Suki says.
“Thanks for giving me a heart attack at seventeen, Jensen,” Donnie says.
I introduce the girls to Ali; though I might as well say, I’ve got the girl who fucked Sean Nessel.
Does Ali know that’s her story? That she’s the girl who fucked Sean Nessel this weekend?
I pass Ali a cigarette and let the girls give it to her a little. Suki eyes Ali, then turns away, uninterested.
“So. Why did you bring her here?” Suki says. “Is she going to do a tell-all with us?”
“Yeah, Blythe is, like, going to interview her about Sean,” Donnie says, laughing.
“Give us the lowdown,” Cate says, laughing. “’Cause I bet she got real low.”
“Ever heard of don’t kiss and tell, you sluts?” I say. “She’s not going to tell you shit about her relationship with Nessel. And he wouldn’t expect her to.”
I frame it like that. Relationship. Ali doesn’t even know what I’m doing, what I’m giving to her by framing it like that. She doesn’t know what these girls could do to her. What I could do to her. I’m donating status to this girl Ali Greenleaf—she better take it.
ALI
Donnie hikes herself up on the bathroom sink. Swinging her legs and blowing smoke rings. She calls Blythe by her last name, Jensen—almost like she’s taunting her. “New pair of boots, you shoe-whore, Jensen.” Or “Oh, Jensen, you’re so cute when you’re being head slut-shamer in charge.” But Blythe smiles with every one of Donnie’s digs. She seems to like it.
I stare at Donnie because she’s so pretty—I’ve never been this close to her. I always thought Blythe was in charge of this group, but now I wonder if it’s different. There seems to be a divide. Blythe and Donnie, top tier. Suki and Cate, underlings.
“Like something you see, Greenleaf?” Donnie says, taking me by surprise and flicking her ashes at me.
I just kind of blink.
Cate starts at writing on the bathroom wall. THE CORE FOUR. “The asshole janitor scrubbed my last design.”
“That asshole janitor is my father,” I say.
I don’t know what makes me say it. It just flies out of my mouth, and I automatically want to apologize for it, say something like, “I’m just kidding,” but instead I smile and say nothing.
Then all of them, the Core Four, start laughing, even Cate. And then it’s a whirlwind of laughter. They think I’m funny.
I finally breathe.
BLYTHE
“So,” I say, turning my body to Ali. My knee touches her knee. She doesn’t pull it away, and I whisper, “My boyfriend, Devon, and Sean are best friends.” I click my mouth, making smoke rings. “Do you know Devon Strong?”
“I know who he is.”
“Anyway, Sean really, really respects you. He’s waiting to hear back about early acceptance from Duke and then there’s the State Champs and then he’s going to build huts for needy Costa Ricans over Presidents’ Day weekend, which means he needs to be in great shape, because ten huts in three days, he’s kind of inhuman, right?”
Except we both know he is human. And humans cry. And humans make mistakes. Especially male humans.
“He doesn’t usually drink that much, Ali. That’s not his style.”
I don’t even know why I’m saying this. I know it’s not true. Everyone knows it’s not true.
But Ali glares at me. Her eyes don’t exactly tear up, but they get squinty. As if she’s insanely angry. Because I’ve said something so awful. I’ve insulted her. She gasps. She tosses her cigarette toward the toilet, and it flies by Suki like a rocket.
“Nothing happened,” Ali says.
Except something did happen. And we both know it. And Sean knows it. And Dev knows it. And too many people know it to pretend like it didn’t happen. My fear is that a month from now, when she’s ready to talk, there’ll be accusations. Crying fits. Post-traumatic stress, or whatever. Anyway, I promised Sean.
I can’t stop thinking about him crying at my car. And I know I should think of the way Ali looked traumatized as she ran out of Sophie Miller’s house the other night. Find empathy in my heart. But my loyalty is with Sean. It just is.
“Look, I’ve had experiences too,” I say. “Experiences that I’m not so happy about. Do you know what I mean?”
But she’s blank.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says, and looks down at the floor.
“Uh, Ali, you ran out of the party like a crazy banshee—I mean, everyone saw you. But Sean’s a good guy. He doesn’t want to, you know—he doesn’t want you to be all freaked out.”
ALI
Everyone saw you. That’s what she said.
Everyone saw you. I don’t want to be known as the girl that everyone saw. I just want to be known as the cute girl. Or the hot girl. Or the cool girl. Or the whatever girl. Not the girl everyone saw with blood smeared on her jeans.
What does Blythe mean when she says, “I’ve had experiences”? What does that even mean? Was what happened to me an experience? Is that how they’re defining it?
I feel my legs tingle and my stomach cave. I hold my hand against the cool bathroom wall, and it’s the only thing that’s keeping me from completely passing out right here.
“You okay?” Blythe says.
Oh, yeah. I’m so okay.
Not.
And then the bell rings.
10
ALI
I race down the hallway to get to my physics class and my teacher, Mr. Chui, gives me a late notice, my third this month. I slip onto my stool next to Sammi.
Terrance Carter from the school newspaper sits on the other side of me.
“You smell like smoke,” he says.
“Wow, you must be a real investigative journalist,” I say, sneering. “You should get a hat that says scoop or something.”
He turns away. Terrance and I go way back. We were in an advanced reading class together in third grade. Now
