“No, of course not,” the Abbot conceded. “But Sister Gilda is still wearing her habit.”
“Surely that is not unusual. I believe some priests are married and wear their habit,” Justin pointed out, no longer trying to appease the Abbot.
“If they are, they are old men and they live with their wives as brothers and sisters, Lord Justin.” The Abbot sat up straighter and narrowed his eyes. “Priests no longer marry, as I’m sure you know. And if nuns plan to marry, they leave the order.”
“Sister Gilda is committed to finishing her mission for King Louis before she marries,” Justin answered.
The Abbot glared at Gilda. “You represent the religious community in your mission, Sister Gilda. Do take care not to bring dishonor to that community.”
Gilda spoke quickly to stop Justin from answering for her. “I hope to bring honor to my community by performing the duty assigned me by the king. What is between Lord Justin and myself will not affect my ability to accomplish the task.” And she prayed with all her heart that she spoke the truth.
“Tales spread, Sister Gilda. You’ve seen examples of that today. Although you may be innocent of wrongdoing, the rumors can be damaging.”
“Everyone is eager to hear tales, Holy Father,” Gilda replied. “But it’s important to distinguish between important information and frivolous rumors. Most people will be able to make that distinction. It would be very difficult to live our lives in a way to avoid all rumors.”
There was a hint of softening in the Abbot’s expression. “I take your point, Sister Gilda. My own choice has been to withdraw from the world. You may discover there is difficulty maintaining a foot in both the spiritual and secular worlds. I’ll pray for the success of your mission.”
On the ride back to Mainz, Gilda lagged behind the others. Brother Arnulf was accompanying Freda, and they had gone on ahead. Gilda couldn’t forget the Abbot’s words. She risked bringing dishonor to her community for a betrothal that was a contrivance. Deep in thought, she was startled when Justin spoke up and she realized he had waited for her to catch up to him.
“You’re probably hungry,” he said, as though to explain her low spirits. She saw that he was holding out a piece of cheese.
“Have you taken to bringing along bits of food to cheer me?” she asked, astonished at his offer.
He grinned, then asked, “Is it so disheartening, being betrothed?”
“For heaven’s sake, Justin, it’s all made-up,” she reminded him as she nibbled on the cheese that he had given her. “How do you think the Abbot knew about it?”
“There was a priest at the head table last night. He no doubt raced to the monastery with the news.”
Justin leaned over to take hold of her reins and pulled her horse to a halt. Gilda was riding sidesaddle with her legs on the far side of the horse. Before she could react, Justin pulled her from her saddle to sit upon his lap.
“What are you doing?” Gilda dropped the chunk of cheese and looked around to see if anyone could see them. Although they were in the woods, she knew the walls of Mainz were not far away.
“The others have gone ahead. I’ve thought of another way to cheer you. Sit still for a minute,” he whispered in her ear.
“Are you mad? Let me go, Justin. You heard what the Abbot said about rumors.”
“There is no one to see you. Stop wiggling about. All you’re managing to do is arouse me.”
Her whole body went still. His meaning was clear, and her cheeks turned pink.
“That’s better,” he said. “No one can see us here. I want you to come to my room tonight, Gilda.”
“No. You are mad. Last night was a mistake.”
“Was it?”
She was staring at him with startled eyes when he leaned forward and captured her lips in a hard kiss. When he felt her relax against him, he softened the kiss, teasing and exploring until she was kissing him back. Her mouth opened to accept his tongue, and her arms wrapped around his neck for a thorough kiss that had them both trembling. When he broke away, she moaned.
“It was no mistake—”
Before he could finish his words, Gilda nodded and kissed him, exploring his mouth with her tongue. She liked being on his lap, as her head was level with his. When she moved to kiss his eyes, he gasped for breath.
“Have you been with a man before, Gilda?” he whispered.
“No, of course not,” she muttered as she leaned her head on his shoulder so she could kiss his neck.
“Your kisses don’t seem those of a novice.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized he was reminding her that she was a nun. When she tried to pull away, he grasped her chin in his large hand.
“You’re an exciting woman, Gilda. I loved the way you stood up to the Abbot, and I think he respected it too. If you decide to choose the nunnery, I won’t stop you. But let me ask you this. Do you wish to take your vows without having experienced what it’s like to be with a man?”
Instead of answering, she asked a question of her own. “Could you kiss me once more?”
Justin was quick to oblige, kissing her long and hard, and while her arms held him close, his hand moved to cup her breast. It was surprisingly full for a small woman, and his thumb moved over her taut nipple.
Gilda gasped, astonished at the charge his gesture sent through her body. She knew she wanted more and tried to press closer to him.
“Say you’ll come to me,” he whispered against her lips. “I promise I won’t go further than you wish. I just want to hold you, Gilda. That’s all I can think of.”
It was what she wanted as well, but she hesitated to admit the
