Ermguerrd looked toward heaven for a few minutes as though searching for help. Facing the young nun again, she replied, “You are the most honest person I’ve ever known, Gilda.”
“Is it natural for a kiss to have that power? I felt like I was losing myself.”
“Yes, sometimes it is. Usually it’s not thought of as a problem. But I can understand how in this case you might see it as such.”
“Of course it’s a problem. I’m a nun.”
Ermguerrd nodded her head and smiled. “I know that.”
Gilda was puzzled by her amusement. “I haven’t seen Lord Justin alone since the kiss. Can you find a reason to withdraw me from the assignment? I was goaded into accepting when he offered to make my excuse to the king.”
“I’m not sure that’s the wisest plan . . .”
Gilda jumped to her feet. “But Mother Ermguerrd . . . I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have interrupted.”
Ermguerrd smiled. “Gilda, you’ve been with us since you were eight years old. You found a place for yourself quickly. I remember how upset you were when your father wanted you to marry. I supported you when your father wished you to marry when you turned twelve and again at fourteen. I know you enjoy the freedom you found here. But I think you have to experience a little more of the outside world before you make your final commitment to be a nun.”
Disappointed, Gilda moved to look out the window into the courtyard. “I thought you were happy with my work here. I love teaching the children.”
Ermguerrd came up behind her and put her hands on her shoulders to turn her around. “I’ve been most happy with your teaching. But you have other gifts as well. I think it’s too soon for you to make a decision. Many of the women who take holy orders have lived in the secular world. Some have even been married. From what you have told me, I believe you need more experience in order to know you are making the right choice.”
Gilda pondered her words. It was common knowledge that Ermguerrd had been married and borne two children. When her husband and children died of a fever, she’d entered the convent. Gilda had heard that she had served happily for many years before being named abbess. She believed Ermguerrd was the wisest woman she’d ever known.
“You look concerned, Gilda. What’s bothering you?”
“It’s that kiss. Maybe if it happens again, I won’t have the same feelings. Maybe I was reacting to the christening. Do you think that’s possible?”
Ermguerrd paused before replying, taking time to choose her words carefully. “I suspect it’s something you are destined to find out. I know you like to be in control, Gilda. But sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. I will send Freda along as your companion.”
“Freda? Is she the best person to send?” Gilda was reluctant to point out that Sister Freda seemed rather old to be of much help.
“Don’t be fooled by her age or fierce manner. Sister Freda is most rigorous, and I think you will find her a useful companion.”
When Justin was called to rejoin the abbess and Gilda, he was startled to hear that Gilda would be accompanying him to Mainz. He tried to hide his surprise from the abbess, especially when he saw that her eyes were studying him in a new way. Before he could figure out what that meant, he was introduced to Sister Freda, a nun twice Gilda’s size and perhaps three times her age.
“Sister Freda will accompany Gilda. As I’m sure you know, Lord Justin, nuns always travel in pairs to ensure their safety,” the abbess said.
Justin suspected she was referring not only to assuring their physical safety but also to safeguarding their reputation. The deep lines on Sister Freda’s face attested to her age, but her posture was upright and her eyes penetrating. Justin judged she would be a reliable chaperone.
Later, following Gilda along the garden path to the chapel for vespers, Justin finally had a chance to speak to her alone. “I thought you’d convince the abbess not to send you with me. I’m sure you tried. What did you tell her?” he asked, remembering how Abbess Ermguerrd studied him.
“I told her about the kiss,” Gilda said, not bothering to lower her voice.
His shock made her smile, but her expression quickly sobered when he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a small alcove in the garden. “Are you mad?” he asked, barely controlling his anger. “If you told her that, why is the abbess allowing you to go with me?”
Shaking off his hand, Gilda replied, “She thinks I need more experience in the secular world before I take my final vows.”
“And I’m the one who’s supposed to give you experience.”
“Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with you. I told her about the kiss because I wanted her to know why I hesitated to accept the king’s assignment. That’s what we do here. We’re honest with each other.”
He ignored the implication that it wasn’t true of his calling. “What kind of nun are you? You should be saying prayers and helping the poor. Instead you’re at court, dressed in a low-cut gown. Or getting involved in arguing the very personal details of a marriage dispute before the bishop.” He kept his voice low but didn’t try to hide his anger.
When Justin saw that Gilda was staring at him, her mouth hanging open, he couldn’t believe his own lack of control. He was a diplomat with a reputation for keeping his temper and being careful with
