I can’t think about three months from now, and not just because I’m not anywhere near where I want to be with Mia. The thought of her not being five minutes away from me forms a knot in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. I hate the idea of not being able to see her on an impulse. What if I have a sudden urge to kiss her, touch her, talk to her, or breathe the same air as her and she lives four hours away from me? The thought is maddening. I know I’ll never survive that kind of distance from her.
The girl I once couldn’t get far enough away from has become the woman I can’t get close enough to.
Later on that night, I grab my phone and open up a new text message.
I only have three months with Mia, and I want to get the whole friendship thing rolling. The sooner she likes me as a friend, the sooner she’ll see me as I see her.
Me: Can I have Mia’s phone number?
Tessa: Why? Are you changing it up and trying to make her cry via text message?
Most days I love my sister. Most days.
Me: Look, I fucked up when I was younger and I’m trying to make up for it. You know I care about her, so would you please help me out here? I fucking gave Luke your number.
Tessa: I’ll give it to you, but you need to know that Reed got her number too. I don’t know if she sees him like that, but heads up. He’s a nice guy and he’s never made fun of her. He’d be good for her.
Fucking Reed Tennyson. I should’ve knocked his ass out when I had the chance.
Me: I’d be good for her. Reed can go fuck himself.
Tessa: Easy, tiger. I’m secretly pulling for you if it helps. 205-555-7991
Me: Thanks. I owe you.
Tessa: I know.
I’ve never been nervous about anything involving women. Never. But right now, a simple text message is terrifying me.
Me: Hey it’s Ben. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime this weekend.
Shit. That sounds like I’m asking her out. Which is what I really want to do, but that’s not part of this new friendship route I’m trying to establish.
Me: Not like a date or anything.
Damn it. That just sounds shitty, like I need to clarify that I’m definitely not asking her out. Shit.
Me: Just as friends.
I chuck my phone to the end of the bed. I should just throw it outside to keep from making a further ass out of myself. It beeps and I dive for it like my life depends on it.
Mia: I don’t know.
I half expected that type of response. And I am locked and loaded.
Me: A certain knight is requesting time with his favorite princess. You wouldn’t want to disappoint him, would you? He’ll probably cry for days when I break the news to him.
Mia: Wow. Did you really just use your son as bait?
Me: I did. I’m desperate.
One, two minutes go by and I’m starting to sweat.
Me: I just want to spend some time with you. I’ve made you smile a few times and I think I can do it again if you’ll let me. I’m just asking for a chance, Mia. If you hate the guy I am now, then I’ll leave you alone. I swear.
Fifty three seconds later, she responds.
Mia: Okay, fine. But I get to pick what we do.
I pump my fist into the air.
Me: Fine with me. What did you have in mind?
Mia: There’s this medieval dinner show I passed on my way here the other day. I think it was off two exits before Ruxton. Has Nolan ever been there? He’ll get to see knights jousting and stuff.
Holy shit. Nolan’s going to lose his mind. Why do I not know about this place?
Me: No, but that sounds awesome. Do I need to make reservations?
Mia: I’ll take care of it. Saturday work for you?
Every day works for me. I’ll rearrange my entire life at this point.
Me: Yeah. I’ll pick you up. Just let me know what time.
Mia: Okay. I’ll text you after I book it.
Me: I can’t wait.
She doesn’t respond to that, but I don’t need her to. The only thing I need is the chance she’s now willing to give me. I can finally show her the man I am now. I can make up for all the hurt I’ve caused her. All the pain.
I’ll earn her friendship before offering her my life. It’s hers anyway. She just needs to take it.
Mia
Ben: I can’t wait.
Me either. I wanted to type, but I didn’t. I wasn’t just looking forward to spending time with Nolan, who just so happened to be the cutest kid on the planet. I wanted to be around Ben. I didn’t want to fight it. I knew I couldn’t keep shutting him out. I didn’t want to hate him for things he did to me years ago. Not when he definitely wasn’t that guy anymore. It’d be different if he was. That hate would be justified. But he’s nothing like the old Ben. He doesn’t talk to me like that same boy. He doesn’t look at me like that same boy. And he definitely doesn’t make me feel like that same boy. I’d be a total bitch if I didn’t at least give this Ben a chance. So that’s what I’m giving him.
Saturday wasn’t coming soon enough for me. I’ve never felt anxious about doing something with a guy just as friends before. But this is Benjamin Kelly we’re talking about. He’s seen me naked. Completely naked. And now he wants to hang out like we haven’t brought each other immense pleasure.
He came just as much as I did that night, so I’m taking credit for that.
How the hell am I supposed to navigate a friendship with a guy that I can’t stop fantasizing about? I’ve had guy friends
