“Pierce…”
He didn’t look at Brea. “It wasn’t all bad. My grandpa kept me normal and sane. Those summers with my mom’s dad…they were everything. He taught me about normalcy, self-discipline and control, anger management. And watching him with my grandma until she died of cancer taught me about love.” He shook his head, wishing like hell he could stop here. “I dreaded fall, hated every time Grandpa put me on a plane back home.”
“Did you ever ask your dad if you could just stay?”
“Sure. I was about eight. Matt and I were best friends. I loved the ranch. I liked the people and the big open spaces. But Dad said if I had too much of my grandparents coddling me that I’d turn into a pussy. I stopped asking because I knew if I didn’t, he’d never let me go again.” He turned to Jasper. “Sorry. I know my language sucks.”
“Brea forewarned me.” The preacher didn’t sound amused…but he didn’t sound hostile anymore. He was listening.
One-Mile could work with that.
“When I came home, Dad usually had a new woman. He liked them young; most were barely eighteen. It wasn’t so creepy when I was little because Dad wasn’t much older than they were. But by the time I was a teenager, he was in his thirties…” When both Brea and her dad grimaced, One-Mile had little hope the rest of this would go well. “The real shit started when puberty hit me. I shot up quick and I was built big. I had a full beard before I was fifteen. Most people thought I was a grown man, especially Dad’s girlfriends. He started introducing me as his little brother because otherwise I made him look old. And the girls started coming on to me.”
She pressed a hand to her chest. “You didn’t.”
Jesus, he didn’t want to continue.
“I did. A lot.” He closed his eyes because if he saw her disappointment, he didn’t know if he could get out the ugliest parts. “I’m not going to candy-coat and I’m not going to lie. It was a lot like having my own live-in girlfriend. I was probably the only freshman in high school nailing a pretty girl every night.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Did your dad know?”
“Oh, yeah. He condoned it. Said it would make me a man.” He wouldn’t tell her about his first time now. He’d been thirteen and trembling when his father had shoved Katie, his then-girlfriend, into his room and announced that he was going out drinking. He’d told Katie to put her pussy to good use and left. She’d wanted to please the asshole. They both had. So they’d fucked.
“He doesn’t sound like a good person or a good father. I pray for you,” Jasper offered.
One-Mile had never been one to ask for divine assistance, but if it brought him any absolution, he’d take it. “Thank you.”
“What happened?”
He hated the way Brea’s voice shook and he wanted to reach out, touch her. He didn’t dare until he got this out and unless she said she wanted his touch again. “The summer before I turned sixteen, I got a girlfriend of my own. Allie was twenty. I’d lied and told her I was her age. Dad saw me out with her the night before I left for Wyoming that summer, but I brushed it off. They’d said a polite hello and that was it. But I didn’t hear from Allie much over the next few months. Then again, I was busy. She had a job. I hoped it was fine…but I worried what I’d find when I got home. I never imagined she was shacking up with my dad.”
Brea’s jaw dropped. “He was sleeping with your girlfriend?”
“He didn’t think I would mind sharing since he’d never been stingy. But I was pissed. Even before I left, I knew Allie and I were doomed because she would eventually figure out I’d lied about my age. But she was nice. I’d hoped we could make something for a while.” One-Mile shook his head. “When I got home from Wyoming, she told me she was in love.”
“With your father? How?”
He shrugged. “In retrospect, I think she had self-esteem issues. He treated her as crappy as she expected to be treated. I tried to suck it up and not be too pissed off. But I resented the hell out of him every time I watched them kiss and every time I heard them going at it in the next room. Since some of his other girlfriends, as they were leaving, had made the mistake of telling him they preferred me, I think he secretly liked the fact he’d taken Allie away. Made him feel superior and more manly.”
“That’s horrible.” Brea searched his face like she was trying to understand. “But I hope that isn’t why you killed him.”
“No. I just wanted to punch the shit out of him, but I didn’t. Allie wasn’t right for me and she’d made her choice. To avoid the two of them, I started going out a lot. Drinking, getting high, racing cars. I should have died a hundred times at least.”
“God must have been looking out for you,” Jasper said.
“You’re probably right.” One-Mile didn’t see another explanation. “I have no idea why.”
Except so that he could grow up and love Brea. She was his purpose in life. His mission.
“Anyway, about a month after school started, I came home one night late. I could hear Allie screaming from down the street. I went running and I burst in to see my dad beating the fuck out of her. I thought at first it was because he’d had his fill of her, and I cursed myself for being so absent that I hadn’t seen it coming. But I quickly figured out that she’d broken Dad’s one cardinal rule: never get knocked up.”
Brea gasped. “Did your father know she was pregnant?”
“Yeah. That’s why he was beating her, punching her stomach over and over. I screamed at him to stop.
