“I do,” Chiquita whispered.
A silent Little One nodded.
“Good.” I sighed in relief as my chin wobbled. Stare sliding to the ceiling, I prayed that what I was about to do was the right thing.
Especially since all I ever did was fuck up.
That reality was crystal clear as I glared at Ashley’s maimed skin and bruised face. Though I hadn’t caused them, each injury was on me. I should have gotten them out long ago.
It was another strike against me.
And one I deserved to burn for.
I’m worthless… a total fuck up.
Guilt eating me alive, I looked from one girl to the next. “I need both of you to make me a promise. One that you have to keep, no matter what.”
Ashley’s brow furrowed. “What kind of promise?”
A tear rolled down my cheek. It was one of many that were cried that night. “I need you to promise me that once you’re free of Dominic, that you’ll go back to school and get your diploma. Maybe even go to college.”
Everything in me hoped that I’d be there to assist them in such a venture, even if I didn’t deserve to be. Regardless, given the road I was about to take, one which would hopefully end with El Diablo’s death, there was no guarantee my heart would still be beating come sunrise.
If I died, I needed to know that each chica would take the newfound freedom I’d died to give them and run with it.
Anything else was unacceptable.
“It may not seem like it now,” I continued, forcing my heavy tongue to work, “but at sixteen, you two still have your entire lives ahead of you.”
“So do you,” Ashley replied, striking an inflamed nerve that my antagonistic thoughts from seconds before had caused to swell.
Backsliding into the darkness that James had fought to free me from, I shook my head. “I’m thirty-four years old, Chiquita. I may have once been Miss Colombia with the world at my feet, but that girl is long gone.”
And she was.
It was time I faced that fact.
“The only thing that remains of her is a street whore with a penchant for shooting poison into her veins.” Standing, I tapped my chest twice. “Trust me, there’s nothing left in here but a couple dozen broken dreams and enough self-hatred to take down a million-man army. Not a bit of which is worth saving.”
My words formed a vicious mentira.
Part of me knew that, but the darkest part of my conscience, where my demons lurked and my insecurities brewed, latched onto them, believing them as truth, even when my heart screamed the opposite.
Call it self-pity, call it defeat, whatever, but there was so much in me that, despite my progress, still believed I wasn’t worthy of salvation.
If Guapo could hear me now, he’d flip…
“Carmen—”
“Save it,” I bit out, refusing to listen to whatever argument Chiquita was prepared to fire my way. “Now, back to what I was saying.” I ran my trembling fingers through my soiled hair, pushing it away from my face. “Once you’re both clear of this shit-hole and everything that comes with it, I want the two of you to get your culos back in school and make some friends.” A genuine smile crossed my face. “Maybe even fall in love with a boy your own age.”
Little One’s eyes bulged. “I can’t do any of that without you.” She looked from me to Ashley. “Without either of you.”
“You will do it,” I replied as I crossed the room, heels clicking against the faded, scratched hardwood. “Because I want you to.”
Coming to a stop next to a busted dresser, I opened the top drawer and pulled out a stack of one-hundred-dollar bills. “Idiota just leaves money lying around,” I mumbled, referring to El Diablo. “Thinks no one has the cojones to steal from him. Hijo de perra is wrong.”
Eyeing the door that had slammed closed on its own after I’d burst through it, I headed toward Little One. “Take this,” I said, slapping the money into her quaking hand. “Once the coast is clear, I want you to take Ashley and run to the shelter over on Sycamore Street as fast as you can. Take the back alleys and use the shadows as cover. And no matter what happens, you do not slow down, you do not stop, and you do not look back. Got it?”
“The battered women’s shelter?”
“Si, the battered women’s shelter,” I replied, answering Little One’s question. “You’ll be safe there. They’ll give you food, clothes, and help you find somewhere permanent to stay.”
More tears fell when Maddie’s pretty face flashed in my mind. She’d sworn that she’d take care of me, along with anyone I brought along for the ride, which is why I was sending the girls there.
With her, they’d be safe.
Of that, I was sure.
“The people who work there are good,” I assured mi chicas. “Don’t be afraid to trust them. I wouldn’t send you there if I had any doubts about them—”
I snapped my mouth shut as the sound of approaching footsteps reached my ears. Heart pounding, my limbs vibrated as my adrenaline once again surged.
This is it…
Time to end it once and for all.
Feeling lead bleed into my spine, I raised my chin high into the air, whipped open my ratty old coat, and pulled out my switchblade. “Remember what I said,” I whispered, flicking it open. “You do not look back. Not for any reason. And if for some reason push comes to shove, you fight.” I slipped out of my heels, allowing my flat feet to find purchase on the hardwood. “You always fight.”
I turned and crept forward.
Next to the door, I crouched low and glanced back at mi chicas. Seeing their terrified expressions hurt. A whole hell of a lot, as James would say. The time for me to nullify their fear had come.
I only wished I’d done it sooner.
“I should have saved you chicas a long time ago,” I whispered, echoing the thoughts racing through my mind before raising my hand and
