Tears stained his cheeks.
The sight of them almost killed me.
“There’s no denying that what he did to me as a kid, along with what he did to your grandmother messed me up real bad.” That was putting it lightly. “But the path I chose to take afterward, and the anguish I dragged you through as a result, is on me.”
Once again, I took full responsibility.
For every ounce of agony I’d caused him.
Just as I always would.
“A whole lot of people live through a nightmare similar to my own, but they don’t turn out to be pieces of shit who destroy others on account of the darkness their souls harbor.”
Carmen’s beautiful face and even more beautiful heart came to mind. She’d been through hell, was still going through it, and yet she was handling it the exact opposite of me. Instead of lashing out and hurting her girls on account of the demons that lived inside her, she was fighting with everything she had to protect them.
I was so damned proud of her.
And I would be until the day I died.
“The destruction, the torment, those are my sins to bear,” I went on, fighting to drive my point home. “But hear me when I say this—I will never hurt you again.” And I wouldn’t. I. Would. Die. First. “As for the wounds I still carry, I’m going to do everything in my power to heal them.”
Maddie, who’d been silent though tear after tear spilled down her freckle-covered cheeks, chose that moment to speak up. “How?”
“By going to therapy.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re coming with us?”
I nodded. “I am. Because it’s what you asked of me, and because it’s what our family needs.”
Silence fell over the room.
Seconds passed.
Then, “You’re really trying,” my boy mumbled, nearly stuttering, his red-rimmed eyes bloodshot and glassy. A mixture of broken and relieved, the sight of the unmistakable pain and vulnerability that oozed from him was nearly my undoing. “To get better. To do better. To fix this”—he paused—“to fix us. For good. ”
“I am,” I replied, jerking my chin down once in affirmation. “Hendrix, listen to me.” Lower lip trembling, he silently stared at me, eyes unwavering. “Buddy, I have fucked up more than any one person, a parent especially, ever should. And I can’t promise that I won’t stumble at times as we mend our frayed pieces, but I swear that I will never fall so far as to become that man again.”
I prayed he believed me.
“Pop—”
“My track record is shit, and I realize you have absolutely no reason to trust me, but for you, for Maddie, for our family, I can be strong,” I interjected, not giving him the chance to speak. “Because that’s what you deserve. It’s what you’ve always deserved.”
Maddie bawled into her hands from the chair where she still sat, her chestnut-brown hair fanning around her beautiful face. Yet, even as her shoulders jerked from one silent sob after another, my boy’s attention didn’t waver from me.
It was a first.
Taking advantage, I continued, needing him to hear the words that tumbled from my lips more than I needed my next breath. “It’s past time I give you the one thing you were always meant to have.” Watery eyes boring into his, I tightened my hold on his shoulders, turning my knuckles white. “My everything.”
“Oh God,” Maddie whispered. “I was not prepared for this. My hormones… they can’t handle it.” Standing, she quickly closed the space between us and softly pinched my arm, capturing my attention. Gaze locked on hers, I dropped my hands from Hendrix’s shoulders, letting my arms fall to my sides. “I’m pregnant, ya big dummy.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, darlin’, I’ve known that for a few months now, and even if I hadn’t, I do have eyes.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Is that a fat joke?”
My chin dropped, nearly to the floor. “Absolutely not,” I said, tone clipped. “And you know better than to suspect that it was.”
Pursed lips turning into a smile that reached her sparkling green eyes, she stepped closer to Hendrix and twined her arms around his belly and back. “I know.” Nose crinkled, she stuck her tongue out at me. “I was only kidding.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I scoffed. “Your pain-in-the-ass grandmama gives me a hard enough time already. I don’t need you to follow in her devious footsteps.”
My future daughter-in-law, ball breaker that she could be at times, shrugged. “What can I say? I inherited my sense of humor honestly.”
She sure as shit had.
“Oh fuck me,” Hendrix muttered, cheeks gleaming with wetness. “You want to talk about giving somebody a hard time…” He glanced back at my closed office door. “If Tuck’s nosy ass walks in here and sees me crying, he’ll never let me live it down.”
I chuckled. It was good to know Tuck wasn’t just a pain in my ass.
Jerking his gaze back to mine, my boy narrowed his eyes. “It’s not funny, old man. That surly fucker is already a pain in my ass,” he said, thoughts echoing mine. “What do you think he’ll do if he sees me all teary-eyed and shit?” He shook his head. “Hell, I can’t remember the last time I cried.”
“I can.” Closing the space between them, a red-faced Maddie ripped a tissue from the box on my desk before gently wiping away Hendrix’s tears. “It was a couple of months ago, at my first ultrasound.”
He grinned. “That doesn’t count.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I added, shaking my head. “Especially since I’m sure I would’ve cried too if I’d been there and witnessed such a thing.” A smile spread across my face, reaching my eyes as memories, some of the most precious I possessed, stirred. “I sure sobbed enough when you were born. Bawled more than any baby in the entire hospital when the nurse placed your screaming, nine-pound self in my arms for the first time.”
I felt no shame for
