Both had gut-punched me, twisting up my insides so tight I was convinced something was rupturing.
“Nuts!” Lucca screamed, breaking through the tension cloaking us like a dense fog. “Ma-ma ay nuts!”
“Blondie,” Hendrix started. “I didn’t mean—”
“Don’t apologize,” she interrupted, standing tall. “It’s fine. I should’ve kept my trap closed to begin with, but some things just rub me wrong, especially when it comes to my sperm and egg donor.”
After straightening the tank top she wore, she flicked her long hair back over her shoulder and turned to face me once more. “Now, how about that ride?”
Throat tight, I warred with myself. “Shelby…” Brows arched, she tilted her head to the side, waiting for me to spit out whatever words were caught in my throat. “Babydoll, I—” The station’s old siren wailed, cutting me off mid-sentence.
“Son of a bitch,” Tuck cursed under his breath. “Twenty minutes left to go on our shift, and a call comes in.” His eyes went to Hendrix, who was still staring at Shelby, regret contorting his features. “Never fails, man.”
Hands shaking, I picked Lucca up from where he still sat perched atop my shoulders and stood him on the ground next to me. Kneeling in front of him, I tugged on the front of his shirt, grabbing his attention from the noise.
“Buddy, Pop-Pop and the guys have to go on a call, but if you come back tomorrow, I’ll make sure you get to drive the truck again, yeah?” I expected him to get upset, maybe even cry, but my grandson, amazing kid that he was, did neither.
“Urt?”
Understanding what he was asking, I nodded. “Yeah, somebody may be hurt, so Henny, Tuck, and me need to go.”
Wide-eyed, he pointed toward the open bays where most of my crew was already suiting up. “Go, Pop-Pop, go! Elp!”
I didn’t want to go.
I wanted to stay right there with them.
But I couldn’t do that.
Still, needing to leave a piece of me with my grandson, I pulled off my Toluca FD ball cap and placed it on his head. Way too big for him, it fell over his brown eyes, blinding him. But he didn’t care. The excited squeal he let out a second later was proof of that.
“Do me a favor, kiddo. Be good for me, yeah? And take care of your mama too.”
Smiling as big as I’d ever seen, he nodded. “K. U-ka good!”
Standing, I looked at my beautiful daughter. With her golden-blonde hair, cornflower blue eyes and short-stature, she looked nothing like me. But like Hendrix and I both, parts of her were damaged and in need of fixing, something else I aimed to do.
“Take care of yourself, Shelby.” Before she could object, I reached forward and pulled her into my chest. Arms wrapped around her, I hugged her tight and buried my nose in her hair. “And take care of my little buddy too, yeah?”
For the briefest second, she squeezed me in return, and all I could think about was all the hugs, along with the other beautiful moments I’d missed over the years.
It killed me.
“I will,” she replied, softly. “Promise.”
Despite my blackened heart cracking right down the center, I released her and stepped back, leaving her nearly shell-shocked.
I was falling apart on the inside, but I’d spent far too long being a selfish piece of shit. I couldn’t do it any longer.
I had to do my job.
If I didn’t, someone could die.
Unable to speak on account of the anguish tearing me apart, I turned and headed for the bays without speaking another word.
With each step I took, tears gathered.
But it wasn’t until later that I let them fall.
Twenty-Five
Carmen
I was almost to the motel when I spotted him.
Seated on the ground with his legs bent and his head in his hands, James sat near the entrance of Toluca City Park. I didn’t have a clear view of his face, but even from thirty feet away and with darkness shrouding us both, I could see—and feel—his pain.
And let me tell you, it hurt.
Badly.
With the urge to find out what was wrong snaking down my spine, I pushed through the creaky, waist-high wrought-iron gate before me and headed straight for the man who I both feared and hoped would one day hold my beating heart in the palm of his strong hand.
Flats padding against the dewy grass, my fingers twitched with the need, one which grew with each step I took, to touch him. I hadn’t the slightest clue what was wrong, but it was evident that he needed comfort.
And I wanted to give it to him.
Especially since he’d given it to me.
Even after I’d robbed him, a wrong that many wouldn’t have allowed to be righted, he’d taken care of me when I needed him most.
More than once.
But it wasn’t just that.
The man had helped me care for Jade after Officer Jacobs—twisted psycho that he was—had hurt her. It was an action that no one other than Faye and Chiquita had taken before, and to me, it had meant the world.
He’d also arranged for me to meet Maddie and single-handedly helped hold me together when I was falling apart by celebrating mi hermanito’s birthday with cupcakes and balloons, a tradition I hadn’t been able to partake in for many years.
For that alone, I owed him the world.
Coming to a standstill ten feet away from him, I clenched my hands to keep them still. “Guapo,” I whispered, my voice strangled. “Are you okay?”
Before I could blink, he jerked his head up. When his eyes crashed into mine, I went to him. But I quickly stopped when those same eyes filled with something akin to relief mixed with heat as they roamed over my body, taking me in from head to toe.
“Fuck me.” The unexpected words, combined with his deep timbre, made my lower belly tighten. “How do you get more gorgeous each time I see you?” It was a
