Fury rolled off him in waves.
It made me want to vomit.
“Carmen—”
“Fine, si, I’m scared!” I yelled as the fight I’d possessed moments before slipped away, allowing vulnerability to take its place. “No, I’m terrified.” My voice cracked, adding to the brokenness I felt. “Terrified that you’re going to realize that an estúpido puta like me is more trouble than I’m worth and walk away.”
Dropping my head back, I laughed.
But there was no humor behind it.
“Mierda, I can’t blame you if you do.” Waving my arm up and down, I gestured to myself. “Just look at me.”
“I am looking at you,” he replied softly.
I nodded. “Then you know what I mean.” Nearly choking on my grief, I wrapped my arms around my belly, hugging myself tight. “Face it, James. You’d be better off without me.”
Before I could blink, he was on me.
Hands cupping my cheeks, he dropped his forehead to rest against mine. “Don’t you ever,” he growled, “say that again.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Yeah, baby, I do,” he replied, palms gliding over my jaw and down the sides of my neck where they came to a stop. “You’ve been hurt and have suffered more than any woman ever should.”
My gaze shifted downward. I couldn’t bear to look at him a second longer.
“And because you’ve been hurt so badly, I know there will be plenty of instances in the future when you’ll doubt what I say and how I feel about you. But despite what your demons tell you, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here every step of the way to remind you just how much you’re worth.”
I wanted to sink into the sand and disappear.
James had gone above and beyond to help me, proving that he was in it for the long haul, the consequences be damned, and yet I’d ruined what had otherwise been an amazing night by letting an insecurity I hadn’t even known I harbored to rise.
I was such a screw up.
Nothing ever changed.
Eyes fluttering open, I wrapped my fingers around his thick wrists and tilted my head back, forcing our eyes to meet. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” I whispered, embarrassment and shame taking root. “I told you I was a mess.”
Arms circling me, he chuckled, hugging me tight. “And that shit is okay too.” I sighed as his lips touched my temple, gracing me with a kiss that made my heart skip a beat. Or two. “You’re my mess. That’s all that matters.”
Feeling exhaustion creep in, cementing my limbs and causing my eyelids to droop, I snuggled against his chest, relishing in the heat that bled from his flesh into mine. “You are one-third of my heart, James Cole,” I whispered, my tongue heavy. “And I hope that one day soon, I become a piece of yours too.”
His chest inflated as he inhaled deeply.
“Haven’t you been listening to me? Baby, you already are.” Feeling his breath hitching, I froze in place as the ocean continued to roar behind me, drowning out the thumping of my quickening heart. “Sweetheart, my heart is yours.” He paused. “Always will be too. Guarantee it.”
My heart is yours…
They were the sweetest words I’d ever heard.
And ones I’d cherish forever.
The following morning arrived far too quickly.
And with it had come the stomach-churning urge to vomit, a byproduct of the detox I still waded through. It was driving me more loco than I already was. Nearing my wits end, I wished I had a magic wand so I could bippity, boppity, boo every last symptom—the pain, nausea and chills included—in order to make them all go away.
Instead, I was stuck in withdrawal Hell.
This is why people relapse…
The pain is never-ending.
“You alright over there?”
The sound of James’s soothing voice coming from the driver’s seat where he sat next to me, one hand on the wheel and the other on mine, worked to pull me from the pessimistic thoughts stirring in my head.
Who needs a magic wand when I have him?
“I’m fine,” I whispered in reply, turning to face him. “Just a little tired after sleeping on the beach with my knight in white shining armor.”
My guy chuckled. “Now you’re laying it on thick.”
His response got a smile out of me despite how crummy I felt. And Dios mío, let me tell you, I felt like complete manure. “I have to or else you may forget about me while I’m gone.”
I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth.
Jaw ticking, his hand on the wheel tightened; the leather creaked beneath the pressure. “How long this time?” Shoulders tense, he was fighting back the anger I knew simmered beneath his skin. It was a losing battle. “Answer me, Carmen,” he gritted out, the vein in his right temple bulging. “Or else I’m going to lose what’s left of my mind.”
Slipping my trembling hands beneath my thighs, I swallowed. “Six days probably.”
I felt rather than saw his eyes land on me. My cheeks heated, flaming beneath his unwavering gaze. “Six fucking days? Why so long?”
Rolling down my window, I leaned against the door. Cool air rushed in, kissing my scorching skin. “Because, as I’ve already told you, Saturdays are when Chiquita goes on dates with one of her regulars.”
Ellington, that bastard.
I prayed he’d get hit by a bus one of these days.
Or eaten alive by a pack of rabid wolves.
Either outcome would do.
“Little One is sometimes gone then too. If she’s not, I can bring her with me or drop her off at Faye’s, but I can’t leave on a night when they’re both at the…” Voice trailing
