Not that Owen had begrudged her her career. He’d always been supportive, even if it meant they couldn’t see each other as much. It was just that the two of them had been so focused on their own careers—Erin with her job and Owen starting up the brewery. But had they really taken the time to focus on each other like they should have? Had they gotten engaged because it was what had been expected out of both of them?
She took a seat on the front porch steps and wondered why they hadn’t ever had a conversation about that, about whether either of them was ready for marriage. If they were really in love with each other, or were just following expectations.
Maybe she’d been so blinded by the proposal and the ring and the planning and the whole wedding experience that she’d never taken the time to explore her feelings. But now that she’d had the time to take a step back, she wondered if she’d ever felt the whole wonder of it, the magic of falling in love, that feeling of “Oh, God, this man is my whole world.”
Maybe she was feeling it now, and that was why she was questioning why she’d never felt it before.
Her face flamed hot and she pressed her palms to her cheeks.
Oh, God. That could not be what was happening.
Could it?
“Hiding out?”
Jason opened the front door, looking magnificent in a long-sleeve button-down white shirt, a stark contrast against his dark, tanned skin. He had on crisp jeans and his cowboy boots and just looking at him in this simple attire took her breath away.
He frowned. “What? You said we didn’t have to dress up.”
“You look . . . fine.” She cleared her throat past the lump of realization that had seemed to settle there.
“Okay. You look gorgeous, by the way. I like the color of that dress.”
“Thank you.”
His compliments were never empty. She saw it in the sincerity of his look, in the way he always said something specific about her clothes or her hair or even a bracelet she might be wearing.
He sat next to her, picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. “I missed you this week.”
“Same.” How could she not see that she was wrapping herself up in Jason, letting her emotions lead the way instead of keeping herself firmly cut off from getting involved? She’d tried so hard to make it just about fun, but somehow she’d opened her heart.
Then again, how could she not? She’d known Jason practically her whole life. They’d been friends forever. It wasn’t like she could just have sex with him and not feel anything for him.
This was such a mess. She could not fall in love with him. It was ridiculous to even think she could fall in love again. Not so soon after Owen. What she was feeling wasn’t at all realistic.
She was rebounding. That’s what it was. She was taking all her messed-up feelings about Owen and projecting them onto her crush on Jason.
“Everything okay?”
She looked up. “What?”
“Normally we talk, and you’re over there silent as dirt.”
“Oh. Just going over today’s activities in my head.”
“Uh-huh. You have it planned out to the millionth degree already. So what’s going on, Erin?”
She couldn’t even wrap her own thoughts around how she felt right now. How could she talk to Jason about them?
Fortunately, she was spared having to answer when Clay and Alice pulled down the driveway. She stood, brushed off her skirt and smiled, heading down the stairs to greet them.
Alice looked beautiful in a long slate-blue flowered maxi dress, her happiness evident on her glowing face. She was letting her hair grow out, and the dark brown waves fell just to her shoulders. Clay was, as usual, in his jeans, cowboy boots and a button-down shirt, wearing his cowboy hat. But together? They made a striking couple.
She went over to them and hugged them, whispering to Alice that she loved her dress.
“Thank you,” Alice said. “And you, that dress, I love your hair, half up like that with those curls falling down. Why do you always look stunning?”
She blushed under her friend’s complimentary perusal, though she always thought Alice underestimated her own beauty. “Thank you.” Then she led the couple into the barn, where they were greeted with cheers and applause.
When she threw a party, Erin liked to take a step back and watch the expressions on the couple’s faces.
Clay only looked at Alice, which made Erin’s heart squeeze. Alice’s eyes sparkled like diamonds as she took in the champagne sparkling in golden buckets on the tables, the gold and white decorations, the rustic touches that made the barn look like an actual barn for a change, and the bits of California décor that spoke to Alice’s home state.
Alice turned to Erin and mouthed I love you before being swallowed up by all her guests.
Erin couldn’t be happier for her friends. They all ate and drank and celebrated Clay and Alice, and it turned out to be a perfect day. Erin and her sisters stayed busy making sure every guest was accommodated, which turned out to be beneficial, because Erin was trying her best to avoid Jason.
Not that she didn’t want to see him anymore. She absolutely did. She just had to get
