Tomorrow she’d think about what she’d say to Owen when she saw him.
CHAPTER
twenty-nine
COMING TO OWEN’S apartment made Erin equal parts sad and furious. They’d planned a future together. And that future had evaporated in a single e-mail.
But she wasn’t as angry or upset as she’d been the day she’d read that e-mail. Now she was more determined to get this over with, say what she needed to say so she could walk out and be done with Owen.
She’d told her parents and her sisters that she was meeting with Owen today. Her father wanted to go with her, and she’d explained that this was something she had to do on her own. Her mother had agreed, and then added if she needed her, she was only a phone call away.
She’d always had her parents’ support, and she was so grateful for that. And for her sisters, who were angry again on her behalf. Brenna and Honor had also offered to go with her. She’d turned them down, too.
The only one who hadn’t offered to accompany her had been Jason, who seemed to understand that she had to handle this by herself.
She was going to be fine. One short conversation and this would all be in the past.
All she had to do was get out of her car and go to the door. She’d been sitting in the car for fifteen minutes, frozen to the driver’s seat, unable to move.
You’re past this. Past him. Get out, have the talk and be done with it.
She knew she was right, that this was going to be uncomfortable and unpleasant, but it had to be done. And sitting here wasn’t making it happen. She turned off the engine, grabbed her keys and got out, walked to the door and rang the bell, her heart pounding so hard she could hear her blood rushing in her ears.
She took several deep, calming breaths.
The door opened and there was Owen. She’d expected him to look tanned and smug. Instead he looked pale. He looked ill. Not the nervous kind of ill, but really sick.
Her stomach dropped and everything she’d planned to say, every angry feeling she had, disappeared.
“Dammit. Owen. Are you all right?”
“Come on in, Erin. It’s hot out there.”
She walked in and as he closed the door she took in the sight of him. His clothes hung on him and he looked like he’d lost weight. And he hadn’t needed to lose any.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.
“No, I’m fine. What’s wrong, Owen?”
He gave her a wry smile. “Oh, you would know as well as anyone that the past couple of months have been kind of stressful. More for you than me.”
That was bullshit. He should have been tanned. He should look healthy, even if he did feel guilty about dumping her. What he looked like wasn’t normal. Not even for a guilty man.
She wanted to be angry. She wanted to shout at him and tell him how he’d broken her heart. But looking at him now, he wasn’t the same Owen she’d always known. Something was definitely wrong with him and she needed to know what it was.
He sat next to her on the sofa, not close.
“I hurt you,” he said. “Let’s talk about that first.”
She shook her head. “No, you tell me what’s going on with you.”
He shook his head. “My guess is you’ve had a big speech built up in your head awhile now, and you want to let me have it. I deserve it.”
He was right about that, but just seeing him made her anger dissipate. How could she scream at someone who was so obviously ill?
“I’ll save the histrionics for later. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
He blew out a breath. “Fine. So, I’m sick.”
Her stomach clenched. “Define sick.”
“I have cancer.”
Oh, God. Her heart started drumming that fast rhythm again. “Cancer.”
“Yeah. Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”
“Okay, I don’t know anything about that.”
“It’s a cancer in the lymph nodes. But totally treatable, so I’m gonna be fine.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” The pieces started to fall together. “You knew. Before the wedding.”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have faced it together.”
“Come on, Erin. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that.”
Now she was angry. “Oh, you think I only wanted to marry a healthy guy? The ‘in sickness’ part of ‘in sickness and in health’ didn’t mean anything? How little do you think of me?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t want to burden you with what might come down the road.”
At her look, he raised his hands. “I know, I know. In retrospect, I realized I should have told you. I should have told everyone. But I didn’t. I didn’t understand what was going to happen. I had just gotten the initial diagnosis. I panicked. I didn’t even tell my parents. My friends. Anyone. You. I thought we couldn’t start our lives together like that.”
“So, what? You went through all this alone?”
Owen was always a happy, upbeat guy. But the look of utter defeat he gave her made her heart crumble. “Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you confide in anyone? At least your parents?”
“I didn’t want to worry them. Not until I knew more. I figured I could maybe get through this without anyone knowing.”
She stood and started to pace. “Are you kidding me? Cancer is not something you just ‘get through’ by yourself, Owen. You need a support system. You need people around you who care about you, to help care for you.”
“I’ve kind of figured that out now.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t have my shit together before. I told you I panicked. And while you thought I bailed and left to go on our honeymoon, I was getting treatment. I kind of lied to you in that shitty e-mail I sent you.”
Which made her even angrier at him. “I could have been with you. You do realize
