"Shedidn't look pissed, but I don't think the lightbulbs were an accident."
"That'snot right. Can't you lay her to rest or something?"
Everybodyexpected too much from me. Granted, I had way more power than I had when Irolled up into town, but I didn't have a fuckingclue on how to use it. It's not like becoming a godling comes with a goddessdamned manual. I shrugged, hiding my frustration. "I don't know. Yet. I'llfigure it out, but…"
"Itmight take some time," Chief answered for me.
"You'retaking this quite well," Jimmy said to Chief.
"Notin the slightest. But I know Dot will do everything she can. And she has enoughon her plate right now."
"Aren'tyou worried about going home?"
Chiefblushed.
"You'renot going home."
"No.Dot's letting me stay, and I was thinking about getting a hotel a few nights aweek."
"Why?"It was my turn to ask.
"Notgoing to monopolize your time? Not fair to everybody else."
"Uh,Chief… Your deceased wife is a ghost. We'll be fine," Jimmy answered likeChief had stubbed his brain on a brick.
"Justdon't wanna be a nuisance."
I'dhad enough. "Spill it."
"Spillwhat?" He looked at me nervously, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Whateverthe fuck is going on with you, Bill." I used his real name. He was introuble. "The shit last night at dinner. The self-depreciating comments.All of it. What is going on with you?"
"Justtrying to make you happy."
"Youdo make me happy. And insane. And angry. That's what I love about you. Now? You'rebeing an acquiescent floob. I don't like that."
"Floob?"
"Imade it up. But you're being one. Why?"
Ileaned forward in Jimmy's lap, waiting for an answer. He pinched my butt totell me to tread lightly. He should have pinched me sooner. I'd pushed Chief alittle too hard. He slammed his mug down on the counter. "Because I don'twant to fucking lose you. Okay? Happy?"
"Thatyou're finally talking to me and not being a floob? Yes. Fucking ecstatic. Nowtell me the fuck why you think you're going to lose me?"
"Becauseof Becca."
"Huh?"I blinked and set my coffee down.
"Lastnight wasn't the first time I've seen her. I've been seeing her all over thefucking place. I thought I was losing my goddess damned mind, Dot."
"Youknew she was a ghost?" I stared at him in shock. "Is that why youinvited me over last night?" Anger flooded my veins like ice. It had beenhard enough to deal with that. If he set me up to see her…
"What?No! I didn't think she was real! I thought I was going insane. I thought guiltwas turning me into a deranged lunatic. I thought that loving you was causing mybrain to short circuit, and you know what? I welcomed that insanity rather thanlose you."
Itwas official. I was an asshole. "Oh, Chief." I reached over and putmy hand on his leg. "I'm sorry. You must have been going…"
"Crazy?"
"Yeah.That. Just not for real. I meant crazy with going crazy. I'll just shut up now.But you're not losing me, you dork."
"Fora moment, last night, when you saw her. I was almost relieved.Then I realized the ten-million other problems that revelation meant."
"Nooffence, but I thought you were taking all of that a little too well."
"Andit made me realize something else."
"What?"
Hepaused to gather his thoughts, drinking his coffee and staring out the slidingglass door behind us. "That I have been a jerk. Not a selfish one, butstill a jerk. I used your other relationships like a blanket I could hide under.When things got bad between us, you had someone else to turn to. That made mehappy that even when I was less than what you needed, you had someone to takecare of you."
"You'rean idiot," Jimmy chimed in.
"What?"
"Whenyou and Dot fought, we all felt it. She was moody, irrational. More so thanusual." He pinched me again, but this time it was to let me know he waskidding. I hoped. "We didn't line up to console her, you dumb fucking twat.We had to console her. Hold her when she cried. Wipe her tears. It wasn't funand games and loving. It was getting her through you being an asshole."
Chagrinned,thy name is Chief. I could see the horrified look in his eyes as Jimmy'srevelation lit the tiny candle in his head. "I'm sorry." Only, hedidn't say it to me. He said it to Jimmy. I've never been prouder of him than Iwas in that moment.
"Yourproblem, Bill, is that you see us all as individuals."
"Wearen't?"
"Weare. In everything that isn't Dot."
"I'mconfused."
"Wearen't her boyfriends.We are herboyfriend. Her love. Her mate, her partner, her family. All of us. We're inthis together and all of us need to start acting like it. Especially you. I don'tmean to be the bad guy, or the voice of reason, because… Well, because thatjust isn't fucking me. I'm the fun one. The risk taker. The kinky bastard wholikes showing her off. That is me. You're the stable one. Therock. The voice of reason in this relationship. Dennis is the sweetness. Jasonis the drive. Shea is the shyness, Dar is… Dar is Dar. He's blue and horny andDot loves him. We all do. So, shit or get off the fucking pot."
"Youthink I should leave?"
"No.I'm saying get your shit together. Because Dot loves you and Dot needs you, andsome of us do, too."
Hesat for a moment, silently sipping his coffee and staring off into nothing. Finally, he nodded, set his cup down, andstood up. He was going to bolt. I could feel it. We'd gone too far.
Justwhen I was going to jump up and stop him, he dropped to his knees and wrappedhis arms around the both of us, silently sobbing into my lap. I startedstroking his hair, running my fingers through its softness and let him get itout. Jimmy put his hand on his shoulder and was silently rubbing circles,letting him know it was okay, and would always be okay. We would be okay.
Howlong we stayed like that, I didn't have a clue. Ellis came out of the shower,saw our moment, and retreated into the darkness of the bathroom. Candace cameout to pee and pushed him in their room once she realized what was going on.Yuki had felt the whole thing and sent me
