He didn’t know how much he could do to reassure her, but maybe he could continue the conversation he’d started when they were out by the lake. Perhaps he should share a deeper insight into who he was and why his life had veered so far off course? He owed it to them both to try.
Some of his soul-searching must have showed on his face, because Flora reached up a hand and cupped his cheek. “It works both ways. You can tell me.”
Would he tell her? Flora watched the emotions play across Leon’s face like sunlight on a pond. She already knew part of the story. That his wife, who he had clearly loved with all his heart, had died in a car crash. And he had told her himself that Karen had been pregnant at the time.
They were the facts. What about the rest?
Finally, he spoke. “I was responsible for Karen’s death.”
Flora gripped his hands. “Why do you think that?”
He was silent for so long that she thought he couldn’t continue. When he did, his voice was low and raw. “When we met, we were both students. We never had any money. I was in medical school when we got married and Karen worked as a librarian. There was never any spare cash. One day, she saw some pictures of a luxury hotel in a magazine, and she joked about how she wanted to go there one day. It became her thing, you know? Every time something bad happened, she’d say ‘ah, but one day, we’ll go to our hotel.’”
A sigh shuddered through him and Flora threaded her fingers tighter between his. She tried to picture how he had been back then in the early days with Karen. Stunningly handsome, of course, fun-loving and laughing, sure that the future they wanted would be theirs.
“Then, when we found out she was pregnant, the joke changed. She laughed about how there would be no luxury hotels for us. Not with a young family.” He managed a slight smile. “So I decided to surprise her.”
Leon bowed his head, and his chest rose and fell hard as he struggled to keep control.
“You don’t have to tell it all right now,” Flora said.
“If I stop, I may not start again.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “And I want you to hear all of it.”
She leaned closer and pressed her lips to his temple. “Just do it in your own time.”
“It was New Year’s and I was home from Afghanistan. All Karen knew was that we had a reservation somewhere special. When we set off, it was snowing lightly, but the weather worsened as we got closer to the hotel. There were two routes we could have taken. The mountain road was the fastest, but the conditions weren’t good. The route through the valley would have slowed us down and we risked missing our dinner reservation. In the restaurant she’d always dreamed of visiting.” He swallowed hard, the sound clicking in his throat. “I took the mountain road.”
He started to shake, his whole body shuddering as though he was suffering some terrible fever. Wrapping her arms around him, Flora held him tight until the trembling subsided.
“You’re almost done,” she said, and he nodded.
“We were traveling uphill, and the truck was coming down. The driver lost control and slid across into our lane. It wasn’t his fault.” He blinked hard, and a tear spilled down his cheek. “There was only one person to blame.”
Flora gripped his chin, turning his face to hers. “Leon, it was an accident. A terrible, heartbreaking accident. No one was to blame.”
“I had a choice. Karen and our baby died because I chose wrong.” His jaw muscles were so tight they barely moved as he spoke. “I failed them.”
She could see the gulf of pain in his eyes, and already knew how deep his feelings of guilt went. Undoing that message wasn’t going to be easy. But this man had stepped up and offered Flora and her boys his protection, despite the huge burden he was carrying. In her eyes, that made him worth fighting for.
“This is probably not the best time for a philosophical discussion, but I don’t know how much of our destiny we control. Perhaps it’s very little,” she said. “When I told you how I felt about Danny’s death, about how angry I was? Even though I still feel that way sometimes, I also wonder, what if he hadn’t died?”
Leon frowned. “What do you mean?”
“If Danny hadn’t given his life to catch that dealer, how many people would have died as a result of him still being on the streets, still selling drugs?”
“You think your husband was meant to die that night?” Leon asked.
“I find it makes it easier if I can believe that.” She kept her voice level and gentle. “Have you ever considered that the outcome might have been the same, even if you had taken the road through the valley that night?”
He stared at her for a moment or two, his expression impossible to read. Then, with a sound midway between a groan and a sob, he caught her up into his arms and held her as though he would never let her go.
The next morning, Flora scurried around the kitchen drinking coffee and searching for a missing shoe, while Leon tried to organize the twins. They were running late, having sacrificed organization for an extra half hour in bed.
“Do you want to go to the bake-off at the memorial hall this evening?” Leon removed bits of cereal from Stevie’s hair as he spoke.
Flora was on her hands and knees under the table, but she paused and looked over her shoulder at him. He could tell what she was thinking. Did she want to attend a gathering of Stillwater residents, most of whom would have seen the “Doctor Death” page?
He continued before she could refuse. “I had a message from
