When he was done with me, he said, “Alright, any questions? If not, just get on the wall and try to use only the red holds.”
I ran my gaze up the length of the route. It looked even taller up close. I glanced nervously at Ian, then quickly swallowed my fear. I wasn’t going to be scared in front of him.
I guess I hadn’t swallowed well enough, because he gave me a reassuring smile and a pat on the arm. “I won’t let you fall. You should go partway up the wall and let go, just to see how safe it is. And I’ll give you a lot of tension so that you can feel the harness keeping you safe.”
“I’m not scared,” I said. I took a deep breath, grasped the start holds, and began climbing. As I ascended the wall, I noticed that the rope in front of me never felt loose. With each step I took, Ian, as my belayer, took out the slack from the rope below. Relieved, I focused on what was above me and not below, and the first ten feet were surprisingly easy. I got this.
“Stop,” said Ian. “Try falling from there.”
I stopped climbing and looked below me and oh shit I don’t got this. It wasn’t very far, but I didn’t want to let go. Letting go was against every instinct in my body, so my arms tensed, elbows bent to hold me close to the wall. My hands felt slippery and tired.
“Hey,” Ian called to me. I met his eyes. “Climb down a little if you want, but just let go and sit into the harness. You’re not going to fall.”
I climbed down a little and the harness did feel more secure. I grimaced and let go...and hardly fell at all. Ian was there, holding the rope below, keeping me safe.
“See?” He smiled. “Alright, go to the top! Try to keep your arms straight, you’ll tire out less.”
Shaky but reassured, and not wanting to embarrass myself further, I focused on keeping my arms straight and making my way up the wall. A third of the way up, my hands couldn’t hold on and my legs were trembling. I sat back into the harness. “It’s so tiring!” I made the mistake of looking down—it looked very high up now. I felt sweaty and achy and scared, and oh shit I really don’t got this.
“You’re not coming down until you ring the bell.” What? I glanced up and noticed a small red bell at the top. It was maybe only five feet away, but with my limbs as tired as they were, it seemed impossibly far.
“I can’t. Let me down!”
Ian didn’t answer. He simply stood there, watching me. Then he shrugged and called up, “Shake your arms out. It’ll help.”
“Let me down!” I kicked my legs at him.
“Ring the bell!” He smirked.
I let out a frustrated snarl. I was at his mercy, suspended in midair, and he wouldn’t respect what I wanted. I hated that. I shook my arms out and found that after a minute, I could grip the holds again. I took a deep breath, focused on going up, and resentfully climbed the rest of the way up the wall. Despite one kind of reach-y move (I was only 5’4”!) and my foot slipping off once, I angrily rang the bell.
“Nice!” Ian yelled up. “Okay, let go of the wall, I’m lowering you. Hold the rope.”
I clutched the rope as Ian lowered me, and I glowered the whole way down. He laughed at my expression as my feet touched the ground, and then my legs collapsed and I was sitting on the floor, glaring up at him. He crouched down next to me. “Hey, you did a great job! You only had to rest a couple of times. I knew you’d be a natural.” He smiled and reached down to help me up.
I took his hand and grumbled, “You should’ve just let me down.”
“But then you wouldn’t have known you could do it.” He gave me a sweet smile. And while I was still annoyed and shaky and full of adrenaline, I grudgingly forgave him.
The rest of the morning went similarly. He put me on some routes that I was sure I would not be able to finish, but after struggling, thinking, trying different methods, asking for advice, and taking breaks, I’d surprise myself by making it all the way up to the top. I doubted myself less and less with each route.
And it was a full-body workout, so I eventually had to take my sweater off because it was getting too hot. I felt a little bit self-conscious that I was only in my sports bra (there were definitely bits of flabby skin that I was not proud of), but Ian didn’t say anything. He just kept encouraging me and giving me pointers on how to improve my technique.
There were a couple of routes towards the end where I could tell that I was actually getting tired and it wasn’t just my nerves. It had probably been a bit over an hour by that point. I checked the clock and was surprised to see that it had actually been over two!
“Ugh. Ian, let me down. I’m too tired. Really, this time.”
He lowered me from the last route that I’d planned to do that day and gave me another high-five. He’d high-fived me after every route. “You’re a natural, Anna. If you keep
