Even so, I’d never been more scared before in my life, even when I was only on top rope with two badass women looking out for me.
It got infinitely worse when Lina and Cassie convinced me to try leading a 5.6 face-climb.
On Sunday, towards the end of the day, Lina looked up from the guidebook and ran her gaze up a portion of the wall. Then she turned to me, a twinkle in her eye.
“You know...this 5.6 here is totally doable.”
Cassie shaded her face with her hand and regarded the route closely, then glanced my way, a matching twinkle in her own eyes. “You may be right, Lina. It does look doable.”
I laughed nervously. “Why are you guys looking at me like that?”
They turned and looked at each other, then smiled and nodded, brain waves synced. “You’re leading this one,” said Lina, counting out several quickdraws.
I shook my head and waved my hands. “Nooo, no no no. I’m fine with just top roping, thanks.” I’d led a few times in the gym, but I was not ready to lead outdoors, even on a 5.6.
I backed up as Cassie approached, and I cowered against the wall like her prey. She reached out as if to grope me, but only caught my forearms and squeezed them. “Girl, you are pure muscle now. So burly. So ready. You can do this.” She smiled reassuringly and pulled me away from the wall to get a better look at the route. “Just try to read the route ahead of time. Strategize about your moves based on the bolt line, and try to find good rest spots. We can help you out if you need. You’ll do fine.”
I glanced at the route that Cassie pointed at. “But what about when I get to the top? I’ve never rigged an anchor before.”
“We’ve shown you how to lower off a bolted anchor without going off belay, and we can keep practicing it down here until you’re ready, if you’re nervous,” said Lina. She stood up from her bag of gear with a fistful of quickdraws. “Why don’t you come here and try?”
“Uh, no.” I sat down on a rock and frowned at them. They were like two gentle bully sisters—while they looked totally different, their aggressive support of me was fully harmonized.
Cassie crouched down before me and put a hand on my shoulder. Her face softened. “Hey. We’re not going to force you to do anything. We would never do that.”
Lina assumed a mirrored pose to Cassie’s on my other side. “But we know you can do this. And we think it’ll be a great learning experience for you. It’s a fun route, easily within your capabilities.”
I stared at them, alternating between two sets of confident, supportive eyes. They were total badass women, the perfect mix of brains and brawn. Bold, burly, and beautiful.
And they looked at me like I was one of them. I wanted to belong. I wanted to see myself the way that they did. To believe, and to achieve.
So I nodded.
Lina’s answering smile rounded out her big, gorgeous cheeks, and Cassie blinded me with her pearly whites, which were really quite white. My hesitation evaporated—I wasn’t going to let them down.
And I didn’t! Honestly, I hardly remember the climb, other than the fact that whenever my hand found a jug or I reached a bolt, I thanked the climbing gods and sagged with relief. 5.6 my ass. It probably took me 20 minutes to do the whole route, given frequent small bouts of panic and nonstop pump. I downclimbed and asked for tension often, but I eventually did make it to the top, 55 feet above, and successfully lowered off the anchor.
The only thing that got me through some of those sections was the knowledge that so many others had done it before me, in their own unique ways. I just had to be patient, and look and feel around; nature would always provide. And when I wasn’t patient enough to figure out what nature wanted of me, Lina or Cassie were there to give me some beta.
They gave me beta on a lot of things, that weekend. They gave each other beta, too. Cassie and Lina had warmed to each other like they were dear bosom buddies from the third grade. Maybe it was a climber thing, or maybe it was just Cassie. Either way, through real conversations about love and loss, and through nonstop badassery, they quickly came to love each other...and of course, me too. We’d formed an awesome crew of lady crushers. And after that weekend, I was healed, whole, light. All because of those two wonderful women.
Well, maybe it was because of the climbing, too. I’d faced and conquered my fear, over and over, and gotten through some tough sections of rock that seemed almost impossible at times.
But nothing’s impossible when you’ve got great friends, biatch.
◆◆◆
“So would you do this again?” asked Cassie on our Sunday night drive back to New York City.
I snorted. “Are you kidding me? This was the best weekend of my life.”
Cassie tittered. “Better than that non-stop sex buffet you had with Ian that one time?”
I grinned, though my chest tightened. “Way better. Chicks before dicks!”
Cassie laughed and chimed in, “Sisters before misters!”
“Uhh...girlfriends before...burlfriends?” said Lina. We
