37
Jude
I kissed Rachel in a sex dungeon.
The thought plays on repeat like a song I can’t get out of my mind.
I kissed Rachel and it was everything I hoped it would be. Not true. It was more. Someone check me into rehab because I’m officially an addict. But making out in a fucking sex club. What the hell was I thinking? She deserves better. Hell, I was seconds away from stripping her down and then going down, in a public place. Not that anyone would have seen except for the owner, and it’s not as if she hasn’t witnessed more. But still. I wanted our first kiss to be something special. Memorable, and not in a weird story you tell people for a laugh kind of way.
“Jude?”
I tap my fingers across the steering wheel and swallow, finally turning the key in the ignition. “Yeah?” I kissed Rachel in a sex dungeon. Jesus.
“Look at me.” Her voice isn’t nearly as commanding as the Mistress, but there’s a desperation to her words that I can’t ignore.
I lift my gaze, my breath catching on her beauty. Her lips are plump, slightly swollen from the assault of my mouth. My body aches to pull her onto my lap for more, but there’s an unease to her gaze, a vulnerability that I don’t dare discount.
“Was that okay?” Her fingers twist together in her lap, and she lets loose a wry laugh. “I mean, I’m not going crazy, right? You wanted to kiss me?”
Does she not think—? “God, yes.” I reach for her hands, twining our fingers together. “Of course. I’ve been wanting that.”
“So, what’s the matter? Why do I get the feeling you’d rather be anywhere but here with me?”
I’m an idiot. I’m fucking it all up. “Rachel, I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day I saw you on the side of the road.” I gather my courage and exhale on a deep sigh. “But fuck, I never meant for it to be in a sex club. I feel like such a noob.”
Her lips press together and her eyes drop to where our hands connect. She watches as I rub my thumb back and forth across her skin. A giggle bursts from her lips, and she bites her bottom lip as if to stop it.
“Oh, that’s funny?” A smile tugs at my lips.
She nods, letting loose another laugh. “Yeah, actually it kind of is.”
This time I join in. At first it comes out uneasy, like an engine not sure it’ll turn over. But when her shoulders shake and she has to wipe away tears because she’s laughing that hard, I can’t hold back anymore. Like two idiots, we sit in a mostly empty parking lot with smiles that won’t go away. “I want to kiss you this very second.”
She inhales sharply, but her smile doesn’t fade. “Yeah.”
That’s all the permission I need. Turning in my seat, I frame her face with my hands, loving the way her soft skin feels under the pads of my fingertips. Carefully, slowly, I close the space between us, savoring the moment. Committing it to memory, and placing it in the deepest part of my heart for safekeeping. She’s precious, more than any jewel or antique I could acquire. My lips press to hers, sealing my silent promise to always make sure she knows how extraordinary she is. I never want her to question my intentions again. This time isn’t rushed, or out of control. There’s no battle of tongues or hair pulling, but it’s just as good.
The walls around my heart crack and crumble, but instead of feeling broken or unstable, her soul wraps around the spaces needing repair. Filling them, and building something strong enough to withhold much more than I ever could on my own.
With one last brush of my lips to hers, I pull back enough to meet her eyes as they flutter open. She appears as dazed as I feel.
“That was—”
“Yeah,” she breathes.
“We should—” I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to form sentences.
She doesn’t laugh or poke fun, though. “Yeah.”
I straighten in my seat, attaching my seat belt and checking my mirrors before pulling out. The big, goofy grin on my face greets me in the rear mirror, but I don’t even try to wipe it away. I’m happy. Being with Rachel makes me happy.
We’re on the drive back to my condo when the phone rings. Strange. It’s Aubrey, not Chance’s name that pops up on the caller ID. She doesn’t usually call. I hope everything’s okay. “Do you mind if I take this?”
“Not at all.”
I press the button on the steering wheel to connect the call. “Hey, Aubrey. Everything good?”
“Only if you’re still coming tonight.”
Tonight? I rack my brain but come up short.
“You forgot.” She’s annoyed. “He forgot!” She yells but the sound is distant, as if she has the phone away from her face.
“Ha! Told you!” Chance says, his voice muted.
“What did I forget?” I glance at Rachel and wince.
“The fundraiser! You promised. Chance has his art featured, and it benefits my shelter.” She sighs. “Please tell me you’re coming anyway. And bringing a date. I’m not sitting with an empty seat at our table. Do you need me to find you a plus one?”
“No.” The response flies from my lips. I’m not sitting next to anyone besides Rachel. I hope she doesn’t hate me for roping her into this thing.
“No?” Aubrey draws out the word, and I can picture her smile. “Oh! Is this the one? Chance was telling me about your little freeway lo—”
I cut the call short with a
