“That’s not a good idea.” No way would she inflict her disaster on Stacy or anyone else. No, the name of the game right now was cope with real life and undo the damage she’d already done. Damage which, if Nerissa told the truth, was snowballing.
Stacy’s shoulders slumped. She slunk back to her mat.
Damn. Helen hadn’t wanted to hurt or disappoint anyone. Why did she have to be such a screw up? Enough. Beating herself up wouldn’t help. She couldn’t do much now except lead a great class and create some compassion for herself and the students.
“I’d like to begin today by doing a meditation on our heart chakras. This is the seat of love, compassion, and understanding. So close your eyes, deepen your breath, and think about who in your life could use some healing. Visualize the color green. An emerald, a lush and healthy forest. Green is the color of abundance, so you can meditate on that as well.”
She led the class through a calming and restorative practice, picturing leafy, vegetal hues exploding from the center of her chest. An intense, energizing practice followed, full of back bends and child’s pose and other heart-opening postures. Along with her students, Helen rested in savasana, mind an unmarked canvas.
Lying still on her back, she unlocked a truth. The secret, the meaning of life. Stillness. The realization wasn’t so much a thought, but a shimmering, sentient light glistening a path across her awareness before dancing into nothing. Brief and fleeting and glimpsed out of the corner of one eye.
Two streams of tears trickled from the outer edges of her eyes and streaked her cheeks. Those tributaries of warm water flowed into the cracks in her heart, filling them until tropical tides washed away years of debris. But she couldn’t stay in her happy place forever. She had a job to do, a job she was hella good at if she did say so herself.
“Begin to deepen your breath. Everyone slowly return to your bodies, wiggling fingers and toes.”
Rustling noises and sighs followed Helen’s cue.
“Roll to one side and push up on your right arm, coming to a comfortable seated position.” Helen obeyed her own words, stealing a peek at her class. Smiles and expressions of pure peace painted faces.
“Place your hands in prayer over your heart. The highest light in me recognizes the highest light in you. When we are in that place together, we are one. Namaste.”
“Namaste.” The class said in unison, a harmony of male and female voices.
She bowed to each and every one of the fifty students. After a few announcements about upcoming workshops and such, the people filtered out.
Stacy tiptoed to the front of the room, fidgeting with a corner of her rolled-up yoga mat. “I want to thank you again for this. I finally have a meaning in life, you know? A purpose. I’d really love to learn all of this from you. You sure you don’t have any teacher training planned?”
Helen picked up the jade stone. Stacy was so real, so kind, and those traits combined with her dedication would help her become a great teacher one day. She’d have to keep practicing to build up her yoga skill level, but Stacy was capable of putting in the work.
For so long, L&E had been too deep in the red for Helen and Lisa to even begin to think about planning anything as big as yoga teacher training, but now she supposed she could at least consider the prospect.
“I’ve got a lot going on right now, but I’ll think about it. I would love to have you in a class for aspiring teachers. Eventually.”
“I realize that I need to practice for awhile first, but I want you to know that I have long-term goals. I’ll see you in Vinyasa Flow tomorrow.”
“You betcha.” Helen unfolded her crossed legs, rising to a squat. She coiled her yoga mat into a column.
“Are you still seeing Brian?” Tucking her violet mat under one arm, Stacy lobbed Helen a glance keen with interest.
Mention of his name made her heart do a bunch of things at once. Flutter like it beat in the chest of an infatuated teenage girl. Clench as she remembered the mess with Joe, how Brian had run off to Los Angeles. Jump with anticipation, because she needed to call Brian. Or should she wait for him to call?
“I never told you I was seeing Brian.”
“No, but I’m not dumb. When you brought him up in the elevator I had an idea, based on how your voice got all breathy and goofy. Then, the other day, Thom mentioned how Brian hooked up with someone in Denver, and how that was kind of a big deal for him. I figured the lady was you, since you’d been out of town, with Lisa subbing your classes.”
“Things are still a little touch and go.”
“Yeah. Dating a rocker requires titanium skin and a battle-hardened heart. But it sounds like Brian really likes you.”
Helen perked up. “Oh yeah?”
Stacy laughed. “Yeah. Can you send some of those exclusivity vibes my way? Like, I’m hooking up with Thom again because I’m addicted and pathetic, but I’m pretty sure he’ll never date a lowly groupie. He’s holding out for a model or someone else in his league.” She sighed and pouted.
“Hey.” Helen laid a hand on the other woman’s shoulder. In an instant, Stacy fixed her slouchy posture. “You aren’t lowly. And if he doesn’t see your value but keeps stringing you along so he can sleep with you, forget him. You deserve better.”
“Nobody’s ever told me that before.” Stacy’s eyes misted.
“Well, now someone has.”
“Dang, I wish I’d had friends like you in high school, when the mean girls were peeing on my
