As a result, she was both exhausted and energised, fizzing and fatigued and probably a bit manic, which scared her because it was a little too much like her mother. She wasn’t used to feeling this out of control.
“Stop?” Emily glanced at the rain streaking down the windows, bemused. She’d just walked from Willoughby Close through a steady drizzle and she hadn’t even noticed, because her mind was pinging around like a ball in a pinball machine. “It has to sometime, I suppose.”
“Yes, it’s just so dreary.” Alice heaved a loud sigh, and Emily cocked her head.
“Is everything okay, Alice?”
“Yes.” She shrugged. “Fine.”
Which definitely did not sound fine. “What’s happened?” Emily asked. It couldn’t be the baby thing again, could it? Because it was only two weeks since Alice had told her they were trying.
“I don’t know. The weather gets me down.” Alice wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s mid-April and it still feels like winter. And I think I see less of Henry since we started this blasted charity, plus the number of hoops we have to jump through even to have one child come through our doors… I don’t know if they’ll ever even get here.” She shook her head. “Sorry. You don’t want to hear all this.”
“I don’t mind.” And, Emily realised, she really didn’t. She actually liked hearing someone else’s problems, having them confide in her. Being part of someone else’s life. It was new and still scary, but she was starting to like it. Need it, even. She had friends.
“Well…” Alice slumped into a chair at the table, meant for conference meetings, with a sigh. Emily waited for her to say more. “The thing is,” she said after a moment, “I’m not a complainer. I never have been. Even when life is tough—and I admit it has been really, really tough at times—I always made sure to look on the bright side.” She drew a raggedy breath. “And yet here I am, married to a wonderful man, living in a beautiful house, and I can’t summon that sunny-side-of-life feeling. What’s wrong with me?” She looked at Emily with tears in her eyes, waiting for her verdict.
“Er…” Emily scrambled to think of something helpful to say. “We can’t help our emotions,” she offered a bit lamely and Alice nodded slowly as she blew her nose.
“I know. But I feel like I’m being a big whinger.”
“You’re not. You’re just saying how you feel, and I did ask.”
Alice gave her a watery smile. “Perhaps it’s just the weather. All this rain…you haven’t had a chance to see the village at its best.”
“It can’t rain forever.”
“I suppose not.” Alice heaved a sigh. “Tell me something cheerful or exciting.” She smiled wryly. “If you can?”
“Well…” Emily racked her brains trying to think of something, but there had really only been one thing on her mind recently. “I went on a date,” she offered shyly, hesitant to admit so much even though she was positively bursting with it.
“You did!” Alice straightened, looking both surprised and thrilled. “Who with? Or is that a secret?”
“I thought it might be posted on the village noticeboard,” Emily returned wryly. “But apparently not. Owen Jones.”
“Owen! Of course. That champagne…”
“Well.” Now she was blushing, and yet somehow she didn’t mind. “Yes, I suppose.”
“So where did you go?”
“He made me dinner at his house.”
“Wow.” Alice sat back, impressed. “That sounds very special.”
“It was, actually.” Her face was positively fiery now, and yet she felt like laughing. “But it’s early days. Very early days.”
Alice held up a hand. “I understand completely.”
“How did you and Henry get together?” Emily asked curiously. “He’s such a…”
“Stuffed shirt?” Alice filled in with a laugh. “I know. I’m not sure how we got together, to be honest. There were always sparks, even if I didn’t realise that’s what they were.” She rolled her eyes. “I have to tell you, before Henry, I had literally zero experience with men. I’d never even been on a date.”
“You hadn’t?” Emily goggled at her, and Alice gave another wry laugh.
“Nope. As a foster kid, I spent most of my time trying to be invisible, really.”
“The date with Owen was my first, too,” Emily confessed in a rush, and now Alice was the one to goggle.
“What? But…”
“But what?”
“It’s just, well, you’re so beautiful. And glamorous. I’ve been a bit intimidated by you from the start, actually.”
“What? No.” Emily shook her head, laughing in surprised disbelief. “I’ve been like you, really. Trying to be invisible to everyone else.”
Alice stared at her in confusion. “But why?”
“Well.” Emily took a deep breath. Was she really going to keep doing this? Telling people the secrets she’d held closely for so long? “Because of my mother,” she said. It seemed she was.
*
The rain kept up all day, and turned into a downpour as Emily hurried home. She’d checked her phone several times—they’d exchanged numbers on Saturday night—and hadn’t had any texts or missed calls from Owen, and stupidly, she was starting to feel anxious about the whole thing. At four o’clock she’d recklessly—for her—texted a “thanks for a lovely evening x,” deliberating for a good ten minutes over that single x, but there had been no reply, which, an hour later, was starting to make her panic.
What if he’d finally twigged how messed up she was? What if he was regretting everything? The possibility made her chest tighten and fear race through her veins. As scary as all this was, she still wanted it. Wanted him.
“Hello, kitten.” Her unnamed fluff ball rubbed up against her ankles and Emily scooped him up and pressed her cheek against his tiny, soft head—something she wouldn’t have considered doing a few weeks ago. She was changing, whether she wanted to or not, and the truth was, she did.
But when was Owen going to text back?
She fed the kitten and changed into comfortable clothes before making her daily telephone call to the hospital. Her mother had
