The redness was disappearing from the man’s face as his anger abated, but cars were lining up behind them and the honking of car horns filled the air, for once drowning out the noise of the seagulls. The sea was calm today, and Tom wished his emotions were the same. Instead, they were more like the violent huge waves that had crashed onto the shore the last few days, dragging flotsam and jetsam with each one.
‘Come on,’ the man said, ‘let’s get over to the side and swap insurance details then we can both get on with our days, hey fella?’
Tom nodded. ‘And let me give you and your wife some money to treat those kids to something. They must have had the shock of their lives. I’m so sorry. So sorry.’
‘I appreciate it. Thanks.’ He headed off to his car while Tom climbed back into the van ready to move off the roundabout and out of the way of the traffic. As he did, he sniffed loudly, and angrily wiped at the solitary tear escaping from his useless fucking eyes.
Chapter 9
Sat in Holly Lodge that night, Tom listened to Nell talking excitedly about the wedding fair and eating some more mince pies which she always became slightly addicted to in winter and then completely forgot about for the rest of the year. While he was glad to hear her being more positive, and for the genuine excitement to have come back in her voice, he was having trouble concentrating after such a difficult day.
The tree they’d put together had been decorated with Nell’s favourite tiny wooden decorations that she’d been collecting since before they’d met. Between the glowing bright white Christmas lights, the small painted decorations twirled on little green strings and larger red and gold baubles dazzled with glitter. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend it was Christmas and that everything was fine. That it was him and Nell, sitting in Holly Lodge, snuggled under their favourite Christmas blankets (she liked the grey, Nordic-patterned one, he liked the one with reindeers on it) and watching the James Bond movie that was always on (his favourite was Roger Moore, hers Sean Connery). But every time he did close his eyes, he was unable to forget the sight of the woman comforting her terrified children. It had been imprinted on his brain and played out on the underside of his eyelids. Nell had put on some gentle Christmas songs and the music would normally have soothed him, but tonight nothing could penetrate the shroud of guilt he was wrapped in.
Nell’s voice filled his ears, but the words all mushed together like song lyrics he couldn’t quite make out. The accident earlier had played on his mind all day and he’d found that for hours afterwards his hands would shake, and he’d have to drop the scissors, secateurs or whatever it was he was holding. His body was trying to cope with the adrenalin pumping through his system and once it had he was hit with such a huge wave of tiredness he could have slept on the spot slumped over his workstation. The warmth of the fire in the large cast-iron grate permeated any remaining tension and for the first time that day, in the comfort of Holly Lodge, his whiplashed muscles relaxed. He’d replayed those few quick seconds over in his mind time and again just to check his own actions, and he’d definitely looked left and right before pulling out. The only conclusion he could come to was that he simply hadn’t seen that people carrier and that raised the question, why?
‘What do you think then, Tom?’ asked Nell, taking a bite of another mince pie. How many had she had? He looked at the plate and saw three empty silver wrappers. He wouldn’t put it past Nell to have eaten them all. He hoped Cat had eaten one because she was looking a bit worn out. Nell raised her eyebrows expectantly. Unsure what she was asking, he wondered whether to have a guess or just come clean about not hearing. He went with a guess.
‘I agree,’ he replied, hoping it was the right answer.
‘You agree?’
‘Yeeees?’ he replied hesitantly. As Nell’s expression changed, he knew he’d made the wrong call, evidenced by Cat and Kieran sniggering.
‘You agree that I should pack up the hotel, move to Sweden and start selling that weird, smelly tinned fish they eat over there?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Busted, mate,’ said Kieran. He and Cat were sat on the teal Chesterfield again and Cat was snuggled into his side, cradling a cushion. From her amused expression, he really was busted.
‘Weren’t you listening to anything I said?’ Nell’s eyes softened and her voice was full of concern.
‘I was listening.’
She sat back with her tea. After taking a sip, she eyed him over the rim of her mug. ‘What did I say then?’
‘You said …’ He hesitated and glanced at Kieran hoping for a clue, but Kieran was enjoying watching him struggle.
‘Don’t look at me, mate. It’s normally me that gets caught out like that.’
‘Yeah, it is,’ Cat added, jokingly jabbing him in the ribs. ‘Normally about wedding stuff.’
‘I do not. I love hearing about wedding stuff but you’re not telling me anything now.’
Tom’s ears pricked up at the slight tension in Kieran’s voice, though his mate was trying to sound jovial. Cat responded with a one-shouldered shrug. Her other was nestled into Kieran’s side as they cuddled, so things couldn’t be that bad, could they?
‘It’s just boring, detailed stuff. Do you really care what colour napkins we have?’
‘No, but I want to hear you talk about it,’ Kieran said. ‘I want to know that you’re happy and help make decisions when you’re unsure.’
Cat pecked Kieran on the cheek. ‘That’s what I’ve got Nell for.’
Nell didn’t look entirely comfortable and when his eyes met hers, it was clear they were both thinking about the wedding dress issue. Tom thought about
