‘Ha! No, he wasn’t—’
‘Oh, no that’s right.’ She could tell straight away Kieran was lying because he kept pushing his beanie hat down onto his head so it almost covered his eyes, and he shifted his feet. Now Nell was really worried. Why hadn’t Tom told her where he was going. ‘Ah, that was it, he was writing his best man’s speech. He’s really worried about it. He just wanted to be alone to do it.’
‘You’re the worst liar in history, Kieran. There’s no way he’d take a day off work to do that. He told me he was Christmas shopping, but I don’t believe him.’
‘I must have got the wrong day then. Yeah, I’ve muddled it up.’ He was turning redder by the minute. ‘I must have. If he says he was Christmas shopping, he was Christmas shopping.’
Though Nell felt bad for putting Kieran on the spot like this, she was becoming increasingly worried about Tom and that he wouldn’t tell her what was going on just added fuel to the fire. She really had tried to be patient and wait for him to tell her, but as her worry mounted so did her curiosity. If she knew what was going on, she might be able to help and she hated the idea of him struggling with something alone. ‘No, he wasn’t, Kieran, he’s lying. I can tell.’
Again, Kieran pushed his hat further down onto his head as if that would help him hide. ‘Maybe he was Christmas shopping for you and that’s why he kept it quiet.’
‘Why would he do that?’ She gently placed the decorations in her bag. ‘He’d never leave Janie alone in the shop just so he could go Christmas shopping and especially not knowing we were coming here to a fabulous Christmas market. And,’ she emphasised the word, ‘you know perfectly well he gets so excited about what’s he bought someone, he tells them straight away.’
‘Maybe he wants to get you something extra super special.’
‘Why? That still doesn’t make any sense, Kieran. I just know he wouldn’t leave the shop for that. They’re so busy right now.’ Clearly finding her interrogation unbearable he tried to walk around her, but she stepped in front of him. ‘Kieran, what’s going on?’
‘Nothing—’
‘Kieran, I can tell you’re lying. Please, I just want to help. If Tom’s worried about something I want to make him feel better.’ Kieran tried to respond but she cut him off. ‘I love you to bits but you’re a terrible, unconvincing liar. You’re covering for him and I’m starting to worry something is properly wrong. Something’s going on and if you don’t tell me what it is, I’m going to go and ask Tom why he’s suddenly being weird, lying to me, and can’t seem to see prop—’
Completely panicked, Kieran glanced at Tom then back to Nell. ‘Nell, wait—’
Under the barrage of words, he’d turned bright pink. She waited but he didn’t finish the sentence and just opened and closed his mouth like a fish. ‘Right I’m off—’ Nell began to walk off.
‘Tom loves you,’ Kieran blurted.
Nell’s stomach tightened like someone had slapped her around the face, which in effect they had. ‘What?’
Kieran stopped looking like a rabbit in headlights and now looked like he’d accidentally dropped a bomb – a bomb that had taken half her world with it. ‘Nothing,’ he said quickly, trying again to shuffle away.
‘What are you talking about, Kieran?’ She glanced at the roasted chestnut stall and saw Tom being served. He’d be back any minute. She had to know for sure that she’d heard him correctly. The words Kieran had let slip so hastily were buzzing around her head.
‘Look, I was never supposed to say anything but surely you must have guessed by now?’
Nell’s eyes couldn’t focus. Everything she looked at didn’t seem real and even the noise of the band faded in her ears. Her heart thudded hard in her chest as if it didn’t want to be ignored anymore. ‘You mean like a friend, yeah?’
Kieran shook his head. ‘You must have known.’
‘Why would I have known? And what did you mean by now? He’s had girlfriends, I’ve had boyfriends. How was I supposed to know he felt like that about me?’ She felt a little bit queasy with the stress of it all. All the smells that she’d loved when they arrived were too much for her overpowered senses.
‘Oh, come on, Nell, he’s been in love with you for years. The way he looks at you must have told you? Or have you really never noticed? The way he’s always been there for you? The way he always tries to be there for you whether you want him to or not. There’s …’ He counted on his fingers. ‘Three things for starters.’
Nell stared at his held-up fingers. ‘How do you manage to run your own business?’
‘Cat helps me with the counting,’ he grumbled.
Even a deep breath of the cold night air didn’t help as she tried to come to terms with a tiny sentence that had shaken her world. It stung her throat like she was coming down with something. The lights overhead dazzled rather than romantically framing the moment. ‘Tom’s in love with me? Me?’ Kieran nodded, a small smile pulling at his mouth. ‘Does Cat know?’
‘No. Tom swore me to secrecy.’
Nell really wished Cat was there with her right now. Her best friend would be full of advice and help her navigate this strange situation. What was she supposed to do? How did she act around him knowing that he was in love with her? With her! What did she say? Cat had always grounded her, doing her best to stop her turning everything into a fantasy and helping her see things as they really were. Never had Nell needed her so much.
‘He’s coming over,’ Kieran said, quickly. ‘Act normal.’
Normal? Normal! What was normal? Knowing her own mind, normal for Nell would be imagining a life with Tom – a snowy
